chapter 1

Prologue - Jade

I must be out of my mind.

There’s no other explanation for why I’m standing in the middle of nowhere, waiting for him. Damien Lucas—my brother’s best friend, my biggest tormentor, and the guy who made it his life’s mission to remind me that I’ll never be good enough. And yet, here I am, pacing back and forth like a fool, hoping that this time will be different.

Who am I kidding?

My stomach churns more with every step I take, and I’m holding my coffee cup like it’s the only thing tethering me to the earth. Damien Lucas. Starfire Hollow’s alpha-in-training, all-around jerk… and possibly my mate.

Not that he knows that, of course. Hell, I barely believe it myself most days. The universe has a twisted sense of humor, pairing me—a shiftless, awkward outcast—with the one person who has spent years making me feel like dirt. Unfortunately for me, females tend to sense the fated pairing long before males, so I’ve kept this dirty little secret to myself for years, just dreading the day he figures it out, too.

Oh, God. That’s not why he wanted to meet me, is it?

I stop pacing long enough to glance at my phone, checking the time. Five minutes until he’s supposed to show up. Knowing him, he’ll be late just to make me sweat. Because that’s Damien. Always in control, always making me feel like I’m two steps behind.

I let out a sigh and stare at the trees around me. Why did I agree to this? Oh, right. Because I’m an idiot with a massivecrush on a guy who probably doesn’t even remember I exist, unless it’s to laugh at me.

It’s not like I haven’t had years to get over him. He’s made it real easy, too, what with the constant jabs about my weight or how I’d never make it as a shifter. But there’s always been something about him that has kept me infatuated, no matter how hard I try to convince myself to get a clue.

His confidence. His power. That damn smirk that’s both infuriating and—okay, fine—a little hot. Not that I’d ever admit that out loud.

I take a deep breath, willing myself to calm down. Maybe this is a mistake. Maybe I should leave before he gets here and avoid the inevitable disaster that’s bound to happen.

But I stay put.

Something inside me won’t let me leave. Despite everything, there’s this stupid part of me that thinks maybe, just maybe, there’s more to Damien than the arrogant alpha-to-be I’ve always known.

God, I really am an idiot.

I glance over my shoulder at the empty path. No sign of him yet. Maybe he’s standing me up, which, honestly, would be a blessing. But I know better. Damien’s not the type to miss an opportunity to mess with me. I’m willing to bet that’s the real reason he asked me to meet him here, in the middle of the woods. He’s probably going to sneak up on me out of nowhere just to get a rise out of me.

And yeah, maybe I’m the one who asked for this. I’ve been the one who’s been in love with him for as long as I can remember.

Love. Ha. That’s a strong word for what this is—this sick, twisted obsession I’ve never been able to get over. I hate him. I do. But that doesn’t stop my heart from pounding every time I think about him, doesn’t stop the ridiculous hope that there’s a reason I feel this way. That maybe fate isn’t just screwing with me.

A twig snaps behind me, and I whip around. But it’s nothing. Just the wind. I roll my eyes at myself.Get it together, Jade. It’s just Damien. The same guy who made sure I never forgot I was different—too fat, too awkward, too weak.

I rub my hands down my jeans, wiping away the sweat from my palms. Maybe I should just call Alec and bail. Tell my brother I’ve come down with a sudden case of sanity. But then what? I’ll still have to face Damien eventually. He’s always around, always in the background, reminding me of everything I’m not.

I wonder if Alec has always known how much Damien affects me. Probably not. Alec sees Damien as this great leader, his best friend, the future alpha who can do no wrong. He doesn’t know about the things Damien said about me behind his back, the way he made me feel like I didn’t belong in my own skin.

I groan, rubbing my temples. “This is such a bad idea.”

But I don’t move. I’m glued to the spot, waiting for Damien to show up and either prove me right or… I don’t know. I haven’t figured out the second part yet. The trees around me rustle, and I glance up, half-expecting to see him striding toward me with that stupid cocky grin. Nothing.

Good. Maybe I have time to talk myself out of this disaster before it happens. But who am I kidding? The second Damienshows up, I’ll freeze, just like always. I’ll let him walk all over me with that stupid smirk of his, and I’ll still want him. Pathetic.

I shake my head, trying to force the thoughts away. I should be stronger than this. I should have gotten over him years ago. He’s not even that great. He’s just… okay, fine, he’s gorgeous. Tall, built like he was made to be in charge, with messy black hair and arms that could crush me if he held me too tight. He’s all muscles and dominance, and now that he’s thirty, it’s only getting worse. He’s a walking wet dream. And those eyes—ugh. Don’t get me started on his eyes. They’re like a storm cloud, gray and intense, and they make me feel like I’m being pulled under every time he looks at me.

No. I’m not doing this. I’m not getting caught up in Damien Lucas: The Fantasy when I know the reality is a thousand times worse. I should leave before this blows up in my face.

But I don’t. Because some part of me—the stupid, hopeless part that’s apparently in control right now—still thinks there’s a chance. That maybe this time, things will be different.

Just as I’m about to give myself one last mental pep talk, I hear the sound of footsteps. My heart lurches into my throat, and I straighten up, bracing myself.

Here we go.

I force myself to take a deep breath, but it doesn’t help. I know it’s him before I even see him—that heavy, confident stride, like he owns the ground he walks on. Typical Damien.

And then there he is, stepping into the field in front of me like some kind of untouchable force of nature. The moonlight catches in his eyes, and they flash silver as they fix on me, making it impossible to look away.

“Hey.” His voice is low and almost… soft?

Wait, what?

I blink, trying to make sense of this. Damien Lucas does not do soft. This is the guy who once told me I should “stay out of sight” because I was wearing “too much yellow” to handle. But right now, he looks almost hesitant, like he’s not entirely sure how to approach me.

“Uh, hey,” I manage, though my voice comes out all weird and shaky.

He steps closer, and for the first time in… well, ever, I see something different in his eyes. Regret? No. That can’t be right. Not Damien.

But then he says something that makes my stomach drop. “Jade, I owe you an apology.”

I must have heard that wrong. “What?”

He runs a hand through his hair, looking… uncomfortable? “Back in high school. I treated you like crap. Worse than crap, actually. I was a total asshole to you.”

I just stare at him, waiting for the punchline, because this has to be some kind of joke, right? Damien Lucas doesn’t apologize. He doesn’t even acknowledge that what he did was wrong.

“And I’m sorry,” he adds. “I never should’ve done that. I know I hurt you.”

My brain short-circuits. Is this really happening? Is Damien Lucas standing in front of me, apologizing for years of torment?

I swallow hard, trying to find my voice. “Why are you saying this now?”

“Because I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. You didn’t deserve any of it, Jade. I’m sorry.”

There’s a sincerity in his voice that throws me completely off-guard. I expected him to be the same arrogant jerk he’s always been, but this? I don’t know what to do with this.

I search his face for any sign of the Damien I know, the one who made my life a living hell. But all I see is regret. Genuine, honest-to-God regret.

My heart does this stupid little flip in my chest, and I hate it. I hate that he can still get to me like this, even after everything. But there’s something about the way he’s looking at me right now, something that makes me want to believe him.

“I don’t know what to say,” I admit.

“You don’t have to say anything. I just… I needed to tell you. I’ve changed, Jade. I’m not the same guy I was back then.”

He inches closer still, and suddenly, he’s right in front of me. He reaches out and brushes a strand of hair behind my ear, and all the breath whooshes from my lungs. His touch is so gentle, so unlike the Damien I remember.

“I’m not the guy who hurt you anymore,” he murmurs. “I swear.”

I should pull away. I should. But instead, I lean into his touch. His hand slides down to cup my cheek, and I close my eyes, letting the warmth of his skin seep into mine. It’s been so long since anyone’s touched me like this, so long since I’ve felt anything but pain when it comes to Damien.

“I never stopped thinking about you,” he whispers. “You’re different, Jade. Special.”

My eyes flutter open, and for a moment, I forget about everything else. I forget about the years of hurt, the insults, thejokes. All I can focus on is the way his thumb brushes against my cheek, the way his voice wraps around me like a soft blanket.

“I don’t want to hurt you again. I want to make it right.”

And just like that, I’m lost. Whatever walls I’ve spent years building up come crashing down, and before I can stop myself, I close the distance between us.

Our lips meet in a soft, tentative kiss, and I swear the world tilts on its axis. He pulls me closer, wrapping his arms around me as the kiss deepens, and suddenly I’m not thinking anymore. I’m feeling. Every touch, every breath, every beat of my heart is for him.

I know I should stop. I know this is dangerous. But right now, I don’t care. I’ve spent years dreaming about this moment, and now that it’s here, nothing else matters.

All I want is Damien.

And that’s why when he slides his hands down to squeeze my ass, I moan into his mouth and kiss him back harder. I can’t stop. Not when he’s holding me like this, not when he’s making me feel so damn good.

This is what I’ve always wanted. This is what I’ve been dreaming of for years. And finally, it’s happening.

We break apart for a second, both of us breathing hard, and then he grabs the back of my head and kisses me again, hungrier than before. There’s something desperate in the way he’s holding me, like he can’t get enough, and it’s driving me crazy.

“Damien,” I gasp.

He doesn’t answer. Instead, he lifts me up, and before I know it, my legs are wrapped around his waist. He is hard against me, and I can feel how big he is even through our clothes.

He carries me to the edge of the forest, where the shadows are deep and the light is dim, and presses me up against a tree. His hands are all over me, roaming down my body, gripping my hips, exploring every inch of skin. And I let him.

I let him because it’s all I’ve ever wanted.