Chapter 5 My First Kiss

Why me?

Raven's POV

After spending the rest of my evening outside with the wolf we finally parted for me to go to my bed. When I got down there I started laundry before working on some school work between loads.

When I finished up I put my work away then laid down setting my alarm for three so I could shower while everyone slept.

The next couple of weeks went by so fast I couldn't believe I was going to be of age tomorrow. I've spent my days with the black wolf, the sparks he makes me feel getting stronger making me wonder if he was my mate, he was of age already and could feel it and that's why he spent the time with me. If he isn't I will be disappointed but if he is I will be disappointed as well. The thought of staying here, being some hidden relationship to my own mate because of who I am, it brings me to a new level of feeling low.

I have to get away from this place, I will never be accepted, no matter who my mate may be.

I got into University but the Alpha still hasn't made time for me to have a meeting with him, hopefully he will before I am to leave so I won't need to run becoming a rogue.

Going about my chores this morning when I got into Alpha Axel's room to clean he was sitting in his chair with a book.

"Will it be alright to clean up Alpha? I do not wish to disturb you."

He looked over at me before motioning for me to enter his room, so I did, walking over to the bathroom deciding to do that room first instead of his linens and gathering his clothes for the laundry.

When I finished I came out to see him standing at his window looking out, he seemed off today, unhappy maybe? I wonder if he is alright, but I know better than to ask so I went over to grab up clothes, then into his walk in closet grabbing up his basket to make sure I get everything.

I found some ripped clothing, showing that he had shifted in something but it hadn't fallen completely off, I wonder what his wolf looks like. Even after my first shift this evening I won't have the luxury of seeing others like the rest of the pack. I will never be invited to do a pack run.

I've seen plenty of wolves shifted but I never know who is who because no one speaks to me. I have a pack link but I've been cut off by everyone so unless it's an emergency and a link goes out to the pack as a whole I never hear voices in my head.

Walking out to his bed I began stripping the sheets as quickly as possible, not wanting to be in his way longer that necessary when I suddenly felt sparks rushing up my arm making me gasp as I spun around quickly, my heart pounding while my breathing picked up to see Alpha Axel standing in front of me, his eyes dark making my breath hitch.

I was staring into his eyes, which I knew I shouldn't but I couldn't seem to look away, like I was lost in them, unable to bring myself to look down like I always do.

I saw a movement when I felt his finger run up my arm leaving sparks rushing up me as he did, the wolf makes me feel like this but now why is he?

"Why you?"

I tilted my head, confused by his question when he suddenly slammed his lips onto mine, I felt as though I was being electrocuted but it didn't hurt, it felt amazing like the world melted away as my body was connected to his.

His arms wrapped around me as he pulled my body flush against his as he lifted me, my legs wrapping around his waist instantly, before one of his hands trailed up into my hair as he gripped it tightly tilting my head back further as he kissed me deeper.

My first kiss, it was the best moment of my life, the feel of his lips on mine, the way his tongue gently glided over my bottom lip making me gasp a little, but just enough for my lips to part as his pushed his tongue inside, he explored my mouth, tasting every bit of me.

I couldn't breath but I didn't care, my mind was in a haze when he pulled back, breaking the kiss as he rested his forehead against mine. Both of us breathing heavily as we tried to catch our breath when he looked me in my eyes, out of instinct I looked down.

"Look at me Raven, please."

I released my legs from him while placing my feet back onto the floor.

"I have no right. I'm a no one." my heart hammering when I whispered so lowly that if he wasn't a Alpha he wouldn't have heard me "Why kiss me?"

His hand came to my chin as he forced my head up, my eyes still cast down when he gently brushed his lips over mine again making my eyes snap to him.

"Because you are mine Raven. There is only you, for me."

My heart skipped a beat as my lips parted shocked by his words. How can he say these things to me, is this a cruel joke? Is someone going to hurt me now, make sure I never get my wolf?

Yet even feeling so unsure, his words made my heart beat with his, my body wanted him, wanted to believe his words, wanted to be someone's without the hate of who I am.

"I can't be yours Alpha, no one would allow such a thing. I don't even have a wolf yet. That and I have feelings for someone."

He growled deeply, making my hair stand on end in fear at the words that just slipped from my lips. I had feelings for someone, someone I didn't even know. I had feelings for the wolf, the one person here to show me warmth, kindness, comfort.

"Who!?" His voice was strong, dominant as it made me shake from his aura slipping out of him. I felt my knees becoming weak, my heart beating in my ears as I began to fall when his arms caught me just as a tear fell down my cheek, then my mouth opened, words coming out forcefully so my voice didn't sound like it usually did but strained.

"I don't know him, just his wolf!"

It was as if I was screaming out the words as I held my head in pain when suddenly it all stopped. The pain gone, the sheen of sweat now coating my body felt cool, my legs gaining back control as I straightened myself in his hold before I opened my eyes to look back up at him to see his eyes swirling with black as he looked down at me.

"You have feelings for a wolf? Even without meeting him in human form?"

Lowering my gaze because I knew it sounded ridiculous but it was true, the way I was feeling with Alpha Axel was intoxicating but the way I felt when I was with the wolf was just as overwhelming, even more with the sparks.

Nodding but refusing to look back up at him I spoke again.

"He makes me feel safe, makes me feel seen without being who I was born from. Not the Beta's daughter but just me, Raven. I love my time with him even if he is ashamed to be seen with me where others are."

"Ashamed? Maybe he just wanted the time to know who you truly are without the words of others telling him otherwise."

Maybe he was right, maybe he isn't ashamed of me. I wish he would speak to me, help me understand what we were, if we are anything, if he has feelings for me.

"Raven, your wolf?"

Looking at him again I tilted my head, my brows furrowed.

"Midnight? I think, you get your wolf at midnight right?"

Even though these are things others would know, I didn't have someone to explain transitioning to me, I was to young before I lost my father, but my mother didn't speak with me about it either, even if I would ask because she was to gone from her own mind. I was scared about what was to come, I knew it was going to be excruciatingly painful but I was willing to deal with the pain to have someone with me, to have my other half, someone to be with me without judgment.

"Your birthday is tomorrow? Who do you have to shift with?"

"I don't have anyone, you do know who I am right? No one here wants to be with me in any capacity let alone support my first shift. That's okay though, I don't need anyone. I shift, then turn in my last assignments at school.

I got into two different Universities. I want to go to school. I want a life without hate."

"You must be outside when you shift, under the moon, even if you are alone, don't shift at home, or in your bedroom, you will destroy it or worse, hurt someone unintentionally."

"Like I have a bedroom" I muttered lowly without thinking.

"What?" He asked as he looked at me, clearing my throat I spoke softly as I thanked him for the advice knowing I didn't have much to ruin if I did shift in the basement but I wouldn't want to damage the machines so knowing I needed to shift outside was something I was thankful to him for.

"Thank you Alpha."

"Axel, when we are here I'm Axel."

"No, I can not call you that, not out loud, I'm sorry."

Suddenly the realization hit me, he still had his arms around me, he was holding me close to him as we stood there together, the back of my legs pressed against the side of his bed. I needed to finish my chores, I had to get out of here.

I wriggled free from him, his brows furrowed when he reached back out for me, the loss of his touch made me feel hollow but I knew it was wrong.

"I have to go, if I don't finish I will be in trouble, I won't be allowed my dinner. Please Alpha, I'm sorry for being close to you, I never should have let that happen, it's wrong."

I rushed from the room only to hear him call my name, I didn't stop, I just pushed my cart as fast as I could down the hall making my way downstairs in a hurry.

I was going to fast that I tripped, knocking over my cart making some others catch my attention as they pointed laughing at me. Getting up, picking up everything I rushed to the get everything put away before going to the kitchens.

The head Omega motioning to the microwave with her head, I went to it, pulling out my plate of food then going to my corner.

After I cleaned the kitchen this evening I headed out to make my way home. Opting not to go inside since it was already 11:30 I decided to walk into the woods where I met my the wolf last time.

My hopes of him being there was small, but I still hoped he would be, I didn't want to be alone. I sat against a tree when someone began speaking softly to me.

'Let me in Raven.'