What's Best For me

SKYLAR

I stare at the empty closet for the third time this evening, my heart sinking deeper with each pass. All of April's things are gone except the empty hangers swaying slightly from where I yanked open the door too hard, their metal hooks clinking together in the silence.

"April?" I call out again, my voice cracking slightly as it echoes through the apartment. "This isn't funny anymore."

Silence answers me, heavy and oppressive in our tiny two bedroom apartment that suddenly feels unfamiliar.

I move through the space like a ghost, checking everywhere for some sign of her, some indication that this is all a misunderstanding.

In the kitchen, I notice her favorite mug is missing from the dish rack, the one with the chipped handle that said "World's Okayest Student" in faded letters.

My hands tremble as I pull open the refrigerator, finding her almond milk and container of leftover food missing.

"What the fck, April?" I whisper to no one, my chest tightening with anxiety that's rapidly morphing into panic.

I pull out my phone and recheck my messages for the hundredth time. The last text from her was yesterday afternoon: "See you tonight! Pick up eggs on your way home?" I had sent back a thumbs up emoji and a string of chicken emojis that seemed funny at the time.

I tried calling her this morning before leaving for class when I noticed she hadn't come home, but it went straight to voicemail. I figured she had crashed at her Chris's place.

I sink onto the couch, my legs suddenly unable to support me, when I see a piece of paper folded neatly on the coffee table, partially hidden under my textbook. My name is written on the outside in April's distinctive looping handwriting.

My stomach drops as I reach for it. The paper feels heavier than it should, weighted with whatever truth it contains. I unfold it slowly, almost afraid of what I will find.

"Dear Sky,

I'm so sorry, but I had to do what's best for me. You will understand someday, I promise.

Thank you for being such an amazing friend and roommate. You deserve so much better than what I can give you right now.

I love you, April."

I read the note again, searching desperately for hidden meaning in the cramped letters as my mind races back to the fact that she had been quieter lately, with dark circles appearing around her eyes.

When I asked if everything was okay, she would smile that tight smile people use when they are lying and say she was just stressed about finals.

"Fck," I breathe out, running my hands through my hair. "I should have pushed harder to make her open up to me."

I stand abruptly, pacing the small living room like a caged animal. Did someone threaten her?

I grab my phone and dial her number for what must be the tenth time today. It rings once, twice, three times before going to voicemail. Her cheerful voice comes through the speaker.

"Hey, you have reached April! I'm probably doing something more interesting than talking to you right now, so leave a message and maybe I will call you back. Kidding! willl definitely call you back."

"April, it's me again." I try to keep my voice steady, like I'm not spiraling. "I found your note and I'm really worried, whatever is going on, we can figure it out together. Please just call me back to let me know you're safe."

I hang up and move to her empty room. The bed is made perfectly, which is unusual for April, who typically leaves her sheets tangled in a heap.

My phone buzzes and I nearly drop it in my haste to check it. Hope surges through me, making my hands shake, maybe it's an explanation from her to help make sense of this.

But it's just a notification from our group chat with my coworkers at the library, someone asking if anyone can cover a shift.

The disappointment slams into me and I sink onto April's stripped bed, the bare mattress creaking under my weight.

"What was so important that you couldn't even say goodbye to my face?" I ask the empty room, my voice breaking.

An unwelcome guilt creeps in, cold and insidious. Maybe if I had been a better friend, less wrapped up in my own drama with Liam, she wouldn't have felt like she was alone.

I stand and walk to the door of April's room, taking one last look at the space that used to be hers.

"Whatever you chose over our friendship, I really hope it was fcking worth it, April," I whisper to the empty room as tears finally spill down my cheeks.

I close the door softly and lean against it, sliding down until I'm sitting on the floor in the hallway between our two rooms.

I pull my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them, waiting for a knock on the door.

But nothing comes, just the sound of my own breathing in an apartment that used to feel like home.

Eventually, I will have to get up and figure out how to pay rent on my own or find a new roommate to fill April's room, and move forward without the person I thought would always be there.