005 Going Back

(Ava)

My skin is damp with sweat, my pulse pounding in my ears. 

The first thing I see is my bedroom ceiling, the bedroom I shared with Zach as a happily married woman. 

I whip my head around, my gaze darting across the room in frantic disbelief. 

I haven’t been in this room for so long. Not since Zach kicked me out after the divorce.

Everything is here. 

The familiar four-poster bed, the pale pink walls, the scattered stuffed animals across the floor—Lila’s toys, as if time has stood still. 

I clutch the sheets in my fists, my mind spiraling. Was it all a dream? A hallucination? Did I imagine everything? 

No. 

The fire. The smoke. Holding Lila’s limp body in my arms. The searing pain in my lungs as the flames devoured everything around us. I can still feel it. 

I can still hear Zach screaming my name from outside the burning house. 

But… I’m here.

A soft whimper cuts through my thoughts. I listen hard and hear a noise I know well. Lila when she’s sleeping. I watched her countless times.

Slowly, almost afraid to move, I turn my head to the direction of the crib. 

And there—curled up in her crib, her little chest rising and falling with soft, even breaths— 

Lila. 

Alive. Whole. Perfect. 

A strangled sob wrenches from my throat. My hands fly to my mouth, choking back the disbelief that threatens to consume me. 

She’s here. We’re here. 

I lurch out of bed, my legs nearly buckling beneath me. 

But I push through, collapsing onto my knees beside her crib, my hands hovering over her tiny frame, afraid to touch, afraid she might vanish like a cruel illusion. 

This isn’t possible. She was gone. I held her. I watched her slip away. 

Yet, here she is. 

My fingers brush against her cheek, feeling the soft warmth of her skin, the little wisps of her dark curls damp from sleep. 

Real. She’s real. 

My vision blurs as tears pour down my face. I let out a shaky, broken breath, my entire body wracked with a silent sob. 

How? 

I get up and pick up my phone from the bedside table, hands trembling as I press the power button. My breath catches as the screen lights up. 

The date. A whole year back. 

A whole year before I open my eyes to the news of my daughter dying.

Six months before the incorrect paternity test and the mayhem followed.

That is when Zach and I are the happiest.

We are still blissfully married.

Lila is one year old. 

Sienna is still a trusted family friend. 

Kai… Kai is still undiagnosed. But I know now. I know what’s wrong with him. 

And I know what’s coming. 

A shiver races down my spine as I clutch the phone. What do I do? 

I can’t pretend I don’t know that Zach has a cruel and uncaring side, a side that lets Lila suffer alone. 

I can’t pretend I still trust Sienna, not after everything I know she did but couldn’t prove. 

But who’s going to believe me? 

They thought I was crazy before. 

If I start ranting about what I remember, about coming back in time, they’ll think it again. 

Maybe worse. Maybe they’ll take Lila from me even sooner. 

I have to be careful.

Lila is here and I have her again. That’s all that matters. She is my number one priority.

I walk back and kneel beside her again. I press my forehead against the railing of her crib, forcing myself to breathe. 

My mind is a storm, crashing waves of memories that don’t belong in this time. 

But one thing is certain. I won’t let history repeat itself. 

I just stare at how perfect she is. I trace my fingers over her soft curls, her warm cheek. 

Then, her little lashes flutter. She stirs. Her big green eyes blink up at me, sleepy and confused. “Mama?” 

A broken sob escapes me. I’ll never get over looking at a tiny carbon-copy of myself.

I scoop her up into my arms, crushing her to my chest, inhaling her baby-soft scent, feeling her warmth, her breath, the solid weight of her little body against mine. 

She squirms for a second before settling against me, nuzzling into my neck with a tiny sigh. 

She’s real. She’s real. 

I rock her, whispering into her hair, my tears soaking into her curls. “I’ve got you, baby. I’ve got you. I’m never leaving you.” 

I don’t know if I’m saying it for her or for me. 

She snuggles closer with a tiny hum, content, unaware of the storm raging inside me.

I press my lips to her forehead. 

I won’t fail you this time. 

Whatever it takes. Whoever I have to destroy. This time, I’ll keep us safe.

A shiver runs down my spine. We’re not alone. I feel someone else in the room.

A presence looms behind me, a deep voice filled with warmth and love. “Here’re my best girls. The two I’ll love forever. I made breakfast.” 

I turn and almost lose my breath.

Oh no.

Zach is here.

“Have you been crying? Is everything okay?” He asks me.

I have to do this. I have to act normal. 

I nod. “Oh, you know how I get when I watch Lila sleeping.” I swipe the back of my hand over my cheek to wipe the tears away.

Zach draws me effortlessly up into his arms and my body responds as it always did. 

But I don’t want it to. I can never love him like I used to.

“Hey, you know I got you. You know nothing can ever stop me loving you and our daughter, don’t you?” He says as he holds me close.

I do know someone who will make him stop loving us, and she is coming soon.

“Dada!” Lila gives a giggle.

Zach leans down and scoops her up while still having his other arm around me. “Come on, these pancakes won’t eat themselves.”

I’m shaking but I have to pull myself together.

Zach and Sienna, they won’t hurt my Lila again.