Chapter one :A nightmare wedding(part one)

Chapter one

A nightmare wedding.

Elliott.

Today is a brand new day

Today, I will be a better person than I was yesterday.

Today, I will be ladylike and polite

Today, I will try not to imagine ripping someone's head off.

"These morning affirmations are ass." I commented, sinking lower into the brown leather couch I sat on.

"You've gotta keep working on them Elliott, just saying it doesn't make them happen" Dr Sybian, my therapist drawled out from across where I sat, folding her long legs, her brilliant green eyes still glued to my dream journal on her lap.

"Maybe if you change them, maybe I'll make an effort to be lady like and polite and not want to rip off heads" I muttered under my breath, picking at a loose fray on my jeans.

She didn't reply, although I knew she heard me. She hears everything.

I folded my arms, focusing my gaze on the reading blonde infront of me, on her straight as a board back, her crossed tanned legs, her gold rimmed glasses, her black work dress that accentuated her delicate curves.

Sybian was a real lady.

"Do you mind repeating your affirmations for me Elliott?" She asked, her eyes still on my dream journal.

I bit back the curse on my tongue and indulged her, saying the words that had been drilled in my head by the stiff doctor in front of me.

"Great" she remarked as I finished, snapping my journal shut and placing it on the small glass topped table beside her, her shiny jade eyes on me now, serious.

"So Elliott" she started, twirling her pen between her long fingers "Did you make any progress concerning your affirmations this week?"

I tapped my chin "Umm! I was polite to Forrest's grandma at the rehearsal dinner on Wednesday"

"And how did that work out?"

I frowned as I remembered that cranky old dingbat's crusty face "Not so good. She called me a bitch"

"And what did you do?"

"I wanted to curse her out but I flipped her off instead"

I grinned as Sybian let out a little sigh, scribbling down something on the black clip board she always carries. I wonder what she's writing.

"Well at least you didn't blow up, You're making progress in controlling your anger" she said sagely

I nodded, deciding not to tell her how I spat in that old dingbat's chicken at dinner.

"I know control is hard to master but you have to try and be determined for it to work" she droned on and I nodded again

I've been battling with my anger issues for years now. Deciding to seek help was a tough decision on its own but after I met Forrest, I decided I didn't want to be who I was before, I wanted to be better

For him

For me.

Dr Sybian has been a great help and I couldn't be more grateful to her.

"Okay" she paused and picked up my dream journal again "Lets talk about this week's dreams"

The dream Journal was her idea obviously, she tries to pyschoanalyize me using my most recent dreams, trying to get a feel of my mind.

"You've been having more wet dreams about your ex-husband. I think we should talk on this"

My face grew red, the heat climbing up my neck could roast a chicken "What's there to talk about Doc? I had a dream that my ex was fucking the life out of me. That's it"

"That's not it if you've had the same dream 32 times in the last month" she stated quietly and watched me as I squirmed around in my seat, embarrassed

Sometimes I wished she didn't know all my deepest darkest secrets.

"And they all have the same pattern, with him on top" she sat up straighter "Is it because you would like him to take control of your life again? Much like your past sex life, Or you'd like someone to dominate you again?"

I stared at her blankly, It was sometimes amazing how Dr Sybian Cross's mind worked. Her conclusions and theories about me are sometimes farfetched but scarily accurate.

I took a deep breath "I don't know, its just that..." I trailed off, embarrassment getting the best of me.

How do you tell your therapist that you miss your ex-husband's cock?

She scribbled down something on her clipboard before looking back at me "How many years has it been since you've last seen him?"

"12 years" I answered, deciding not to add the numerous times in the dead of night when I googled him.

"And perhaps because your wedding is so close, you're reminiscing about the past, your past marriage as you are about to enter into a brand new one"

I shrugged

"Do you still harbour some feelings against him? Good or bad?"

I sat up straight, unfolding my arms and placing my palms flat against my thighs "Some, mostly bad"

She adjusted her glasses "So, you're still mad at him?"

"Well yea"

"Does Forrest know?"

I furrowed my brow "Know about what?"

"The dreams Elliott"

I let out a little cough at her question "Does he know about the sexual fantasies I still have about my ex-husband?" I paused before answering sardonically "Why on God's green earth would I tell him that?"

"Why won't you tell him?"

"Because he'll flip the fuck out"

She paused and twirled her pen "Does that mean you love him?"

There it was, the dreaded question

She asks me this question every session we had, after I mistakenly confessed to her that I was afraid I couldn't fall in love with Forrest after what I went through with Kain

I knew I was being selfish because I knew Forrest was deeply in love with me, I want to love him as much as he loves me but I couldn't

Being with Kain damaged me beyond repair.

I knew Forrest would never hurt me like Kain did and is much more deserving of my love but I find it so hard to give myself to him, to love him with all my heart like I did Kain.

Don't get me wrong, I loved Forrest, he's an angel in disguise, an absolute blessing but I didn't love him as much as I loved my ex back in the day. I couldn't conjure up that level of intensity I felt for Kain and it scared me shit less.

"I love Forrest..." I stared but she cut me off.

"But not as much as you loved your ex-husband"

I nodded silently

We sat in silence for a minute as I stared at my scruffy boots

"Our session is over Elliott, I'll see you next week" Sybian suddenly said and my eyes shot up to her

"Not next week, I'll be on my honeymoon" I said quietly

She glanced at the gold watch on her slim wrist "Yes, I forgot. The week after that then?"

I nodded and stood, grabbing my purse beside me "Will I be seeing you at the wedding?"

Sybian shook her head "I won't be attending"

I blinked "Okay then" I breathed out and started to the door but her voice stopped me

"Please don't rip anyone's head off during your honeymoon"

I flashed her a grin over my shoulder before sliding out of the door, shutting it solidly behind me.

"Are you sure you want to do your makeup yourself?" Susan asked for the umpteenth time and it took everything in me not to curse her out.

Instead, I smiled politely "Yes Susan, I'm sure"

I turned back to the mirror I sat in front of and rolled my eyes discreetly.

Today was the day, the day I finally get to tie the knot.

The beginning of my own happily ever after. Finally.

But it wasn't even midday yet and I wanted to rip my hair out. Partially because of the worried looking red head hovering behind me.

Don't get me wrong, I loved my sister-in-law but she could be a bitch sometimes.

I glanced at her through the mirror as I dabbed on some concealer, Jeez! She needs to get that stick out of her ass.

"Susan stop worrying, go drink some champagne"  I advised but instead of heading to the ice bucket where an expensive ass bottle of bubbly was cooling in the corner of the wide bridal suite we sat in, she collapsed into a chair behind me, rearranging her turquoise blue bridesmaid dress around her slim frame.

I hated that dress.

"I can't, Champagne makes me gassy" she remarked and I decided to just ignore her

My wedding was in an hour and oddly, I was kinda calm unlike some brides.

I glanced at Susan again through the mirror, my eyes glazing over her smooth and silky auburn hair pulled back from her tanned face into an elegant chignon and those grey eyes so similar to her brother's, not to mention that banging figure and those long as hell legs.

Easily, Susan trumped me in the beauty department. Obviously I can't beat her model like figure with my slightly chunky frame and my muffin top. I don't even have exotic features despite me being one quarter Mexican, all I had was long, limp ash brown hair and dull blue eyes.

But today, with my hair pulled into an elegant up do and the dramatic smoky eye I was currently perfecting, I felt more on par with dear Susie.

And besides my dress was much more flattering than hers.

"Isn't that eye shadow a bit too heavy?" She piped up behind me and I groaned inwardly.

I don't think I can keep up being nice for much longer with Susan in the same room with me.

"Susan" I started, turning away from the mirror to meet her eyes, summoning up my last dregs of tolerance

Don't curse her out!

"Why don't you go get me some whiskey from the bar downstairs? And maybe check up on Forrest?" I asked very politely, a fake nice smile on my face.

Fuck you, Dr Sybian and your stupid ass affirmations. I can't even give this worrywart the tongue lashing she deserves .

"Sure, I can do that. Forrest must be so nervous" she said as she stood.

Great, she was leaving "Good, you can go calm him down"

She nodded "I'll be right back"

"Take your time dear" I said lightly

When the door closed behind her, I almost did a happy jig. Finally, I was alone

My phone beeped on the vanity in front of me, interrupting my happy thoughts. I peered at the screen and let out a small chuckle.

It was another message from Langston, my best friend.

'How's my favourite bride?' It read.

I unlocked my phone and typed out a reply 'Oddly calm and craving whiskey'

Langston and I met a few years ago, while I was trying to get my GED. Lang was the unfortunate teacher assigned to the class and after we bonded over simultaneous equations, we've been basically inseparable.

Well until a few months ago when he decided to go on a backpacking trip through Europe to recapture his fading youth and to get over his nasty divorce from his bitch of a wife. He was still on said trip, that was why he wasn't here, making bad jokes and trying to distract me from murdering Susan.

My phone beeped again and a picture of my best friend holding a bottle of Jack Daniels and smiling widely popped up on my screen.

I chuckled, studying his happy smile. Lang was certainly a looker, with those bright jade eyes and shiny blond hair and those fucking dimples. He was basically catnip to pussy.

But seemed his ex-wife wasn't satisfied having a doting Greek god all to herself, instead she played the Dick field outside, fucking strange guys in their matrimonial bed while Lang taught his students.

But that was months ago and Lang was in the process of rediscovering himself and I couldn't be happier for him. It didn't matter if he missed my wedding.

'God, you can't imagine how much I want that' I replied

A minute passed and my phone beeped again 'Sorry, none for you ;) '

I chuckled 'How's Barcelona?'

I was in the middle of smearing on some blood red lipstick when he replied

'Hot. But damn relaxing. I caught on some valuable beach time, you can't imagine how tanned I am now'

'I have some vauge idea. So are you giving it good to some Barcelona hotties?'

He sent back a laughing emoji 'Too soon sweetie but soon though'

Reasonable. He should get over that Cindy bitch quick.

'So I can't even get a pic of the bride?' He messaged and I rolled my eyes playfully before opening my camera and snapping off a quick picture.

'Cute!!!, Damn Forrest is a fucking lucky guy' he replied and I let out a little laugh.

'Thanks Lang. I miss you so much. I wish you were here'

'Me too. I'll be back soon babe, don't worry'

I signed off and looked at myself in the mirror. I did look amazing.

I looked kick ass.

I stood and floated in the direction of my dress that was draped over the arm of the wide couch in the middle of the room.

I dressed slowly, drawing the lace sleeves up my arms and setting the low neckline right. After zipping up, I turned to the mirror again.

Damn!

Jeez! I was really getting married today. I was going to become Mrs Ashford.

It wasn't so long ago when I was Mrs Griffin.... I shook my head, I wasn't supposed to think about my past

My past was behind me and behind me it will stay.

A knock sounded on the door and a low voice floated in "Room service!"

I blinked, I didn't order anything. Maybe it was my whiskey.

"Come in" I said and watched as the door swung inwards, exposing the person behind the door who was most certainly not 'Room service'

My mouth immediately went dry, my legs shook underneath me as the ghost of my past strode into my bridal suite and shut the door soildly behind him.

What the fuck?!

Kain turned to me, a wide smile on his face "Long time no see Elly"

To be continued......