Chapter 4

My brow furrowed as I locked my gaze on Caesar, who was tapping away on his phone.

It's Sunday, and as our families have done since Caesar and I were born, we all gathered at church for the Mass.

And here's Caesar, sitting right next to me but paying no attention to anyone or anything except his phone.

He's been on his phone since we were on our way to the church, and it's been over fifteen minutes since we arrived, and he's still on his phone.

I couldn't handle it any longer and demanded his attention.

"Stop using your phone. We're inside the church now," I stated quietly but firmly.

"Because the mass hasn't begun yet, using phones is still permitted," he reasoned without glancing at me.

I was taken aback. This is the first time Caesar has become obsessed with his phone, as he is usually preoccupied with his books.

"Is that Rhea?" I inquired nonchalantly.

"Hmm?"

"Is that Rhea you're texting with right now?"

"Yeah."

I couldn't help but raise my brow when I heard Caesar's direct response, as if he had no intention of hiding or being embarrassed about it, which is entirely different from how he responded the other days when I discovered he had a crush on Rhea.

It makes me wonder if that version of Caesar, who couldn't face Rhea and ran away, is real. Because the Caesar I'm seeing now is entirely different.

And he dared to chastise me for giving his number to Rhea without informing him when he is now using that opportunity to get close to her.

"You were against me in helping you get close to her and were angry at me for giving her your number, but look at you now, enjoying the texting conversation you're having with her, which is the privilege I gave you, which you disliked and scolded me for by the way. What an ingrate." I whispered, thinking Caesar couldn't hear me. 

Caesar's gaze lifted from his phone to look at me. He made a sour look.

"Did you just call me an ingrate?" snarled Caesar.

"So what if I did? What are you going to do about it?" I spat confidently.

"What's your problem? Isn't this what you want? You want me to get close to Rhea, and that's exactly what I'm doing, so why are you upset now?"

"I'm not upset that you're texting her right now; I'm upset that you were so opposed to me helping you and giving you the chance and opportunity to be close to her, but you're now taking advantage of that. Isn't that being an ingrate? So why are you getting upset at me calling you that when I'm just stating a fact?"

"So, what do you want me to do? You wanted me to get close to her just yesterday, and now you're mad at me for texting her and paying attention to her, so tell me, what should I do?"

"I don't know! Figure it out yourself!" I exclaimed before standing and moving seats, seated alongside my mother on the opposite side of the pew, leaving Caesar angry and upset.

My mother wondered what was going on and why I had switched seats.

"I just wanted to," was my only response, and my mother didn't ask me any more questions after that.

Caesar has every right to be enraged at me. I'm sure anyone would be. After all, my reaction was really perplexing.

Caesar's abrupt change in attitude regarding this issue with Rhea isn't the only reason I'm irritated. The other reason is because I am envious.

I know I sound like a moron. I was the one who pushed him and drove him to face his feelings, get close to Rhea, and eventually confess and begin dating. I even gave Rhea his phone number. But now that it's happening, I'm starting to feel jealous. And Caesar and Rhea weren't even together yet, only messaging each other, and yet my jealousy was already acting up. How much more if they start dating? Will my reaction be even worse? Will my heart truly die of jealousy, as Raine claims?

It makes me question if my cousin Raine was correct when she said my plan would not end as I had hoped.

I let out a long and exasperated sigh.

Following those thoughts, is sticking to my plan still the best option? Will everything be okay? Will all I've done and will do be worthwhile in the end? Will I be able to bear the suffering that this plan will inflict on me? Will I be able to truly let go of my love and move on?

I shook my head. I can't believe I'm having these thoughts today when I was so eager to carry out my plans yesterday.

When I caught a glimpse of Caesar, I felt like my heart was crushed into a million pieces when I saw him getting back to typing on his phone. He acts as though he doesn't care that I'm upset with him.

I tasted the bitterness in my mouth, and my heart ached even more, making me want to cry. Thankfully, I could keep my emotions at bay by biting my bottom lip and taking deep breaths.

As I discovered the answers to my queries, I smiled bitterly. Following through on these plans is unquestionably the right thing to do. I need to do this before Caesar sees straight through me and realizes that being his closest friend isn't the only role I desire in his life—I want more than just being his best friend.

***

"Good morning, Braelyn!" Emma, one of my classmates and seatmates, greeted me before sitting beside me. "Did you watch the news last night?" she asked. "They said that the DEPED (Department of Education) planned to implement the K-12 program the next school year. Fortunately, we had already graduated by then, so we would not be affected by the new curriculum. I can't picture returning to high school for two more years instead of attending college—hey, are you listening?" Emma patted me twice on the shoulder, returning me from drowning in my thoughts.

Emma's brows and forehead wrinkled as I stared at her with a blank expression on my face. "What's the matter with you? What's the deal with your lifeless expression? Is something going on?"

A lot. I want to say many things happened, but I kept them to myself. "Nothing. I was just not able to get a good night's sleep last night," I explained instead, which was not a lie because I was unable to get a good sleep because I kept thinking about Caesar and Rhea.

"Insomnia? Or were you up late watching K-dramas?" Emma inquired once more.

"Something like that," I said, resting my arms and head on the arm of the school chair, trying not to show Emma my anguish.

"Huh?" Emma asked, perplexed, but I didn't respond. And Emma realized I didn't want to talk about what was happening in my brain because she stopped probing. I expected her to remain silent after that, but I was mistaken. Because she spoke again, and her next question only added to my sorrow.

"Where's Caesar?"

My mind returned to what happened this morning when I went to Caesar's house the moment I heard his name.

Since I couldn't be mad at Caesar for more than a day and didn't want to argue with him any longer, I went to his house, planning to ask him to accompany me to school as we used to when we were in elementary school as my way of making amends with him.

I smiled as I stood outside their gate, waiting for someone to leave the house. Auntie Luna stepped out of their home and opened the gate shortly after I hit the ring.

"Good morning, Auntie." I kissed her on the cheek.

"Good morning to you, as well, Brae." Auntie Luna responded. "Do you need anything?"

"I actually wanted to take a walk to school because it's still early, so I wanted to ask Caesar if he'd like to come with me because it's been quite a while since we've walked together to school."

"Oh, he has already left. Someone called him early in the morning, and he dashed out the door. I couldn't even ask him what the call was about."

When I heard that, I understood who had phoned Caesar.

I used to be the only one who kept calling him on his phone because he rarely gave out his phone number to others. But he now has Rhea as well. And since I didn't call him, the person who called him had to be Rhea.

I don't know why or where they went so early in the morning, and I don't want to know either. I don't want to know what they did or their relationship status because I'm afraid my heart will suffer even more.

"Braelyn?"

"I don't even know where he is." Immediately after Emma called my name, I said.

"That's strange." Emma made a remark.

I moved my head to look at Emma while still lying on the arm of the school chair and questioned, "What's strange?"

"It's strange that you don't know where Caesar is."

"And how is that?"

"What do you mean, how is that? You and Caesar are nearly inseparable. You will be wherever Caesar is. There was seldom a day when we didn't see you two out and about, strolling or simply hanging out. That's why hearing you don't know where he is comes as a surprise."

"Then you'd better get used to not seeing us together all the time," I explained.

Emma scowled. "Why? Did you two have a fight? Or have you finally grown tired of each other, which would be shocking? Because I can't imagine you two fighting and splitting up."

I can't imagine it either. I don't want to think about it either. I remarked quietly.

After that, I stopped bothering to listen to or respond to Emma. And because my mind would be flooded with Caesar and Rhea repeatedly, I simply closed my eyes and forced myself to sleep.

***

Caesar's POV

I was staring at Rhea, seemingly eagerly listening to her, but I wasn't. And it's because I couldn't stop thinking about Brae.

I can't stop thinking about her expressions at church yesterday. I may have appeared as if the simple and little quarrel we had had no effect on me, but it did. Since she changed seats after that, I've been watching her every move with my eyes, and when I noticed sadness on her face, I was filled with concern and guilt.

Brae's sorrowful and tearful face has always been one of my weaknesses. That's why I felt like my heart was churning as I gazed at her sorrowful expression, which I knew I had created.

I'm not sure why she suddenly changed her behavior. I'm unsure why she's upset, considering I barely did what she asked of me.

Shouldn't I be the one irritated with her for doing things without my permission? And for being abruptly angry at me for no apparent reason?

But even though the way Brae was acting was aggravating, I still didn't want to see the sadness on her face.

Also, even though I kept denying her assistance, I must admit that I am grateful. After all, she could bridge the gap between me and Rhea, which I had wanted to try for a long time but never dared to do.

I've had a crush on Rhea since the beginning of the school year, though I've known her for a long time. I never had the opportunity to get to know her and appreciate her beauty and character.

I recall how my feelings for her began to develop.

It had only been two weeks since our school year began, and an incident involving a group of a few third-year students bullying two first-year students was already happening near the back of our building.

I was about to dump a garbage bag at the massive trash bin in the back of our building when I witnessed that incident. Just as I was ready to approach the third-year students, Rhea burst in, rushing to the scene, and took the opportunity to face them, presenting upholding, standing, and clapping-worthy speeches. Rhea's image in my mind has gradually changed since then.

From seeing her as little more than a classmate and a beautiful member of our school's student council, she evolved into the girl I had always admired.

Despite my admiration for her, I chose not to take action. And it's not just because I assumed these feelings would be futile, but also because being in a relationship is something I don't want to do just yet.

I want to be a lawyer someday, so I opted to focus exclusively on my studies, reading books all day and ignoring the thought of going out and hanging out with my peers, of which I don't have many.

That is also why I tried to avoid Rhea as much as possible, even running away from her, which was embarrassing but never showed on my face, afraid of my feelings growing and overflowing. It's also why I was so opposed to Brae's help in getting close to Rhea.

But Brae, being Brae, did not, of course, listen to me. She even went so far as to give Rhea my phone number without Rhea asking for it and without my knowledge. According to Brae, she persisted in giving Rhea my phone number, telling Rhea that she wanted Rhea to befriend me because I am a loner, which is so pitiful.

I have no idea how she came up with that idea, let alone how ridiculous it sounds. What was even more absurd was that Rhea bought Brae's claim and truly befriended me, which made me pleased.

So, even though I really wanted to concentrate on my studies, I couldn't stop responding to her until our text message exchange continued.

That also made me wonder if Brae was right in what she said at church yesterday– that I am an ingrate for being opposed to it at first and even reprimanded her. But here I am, taking advantage of the opportunity she bestowed upon me.

My lips formed a long sigh. I really need to apologize to Brae and reconcile with her.

I'm wondering if Brae is already in school.

I just got a text from my mom saying that Brae came to our house because she wanted us to go to school together, but Mom told her I had already left. But I had yet to receive Brae's text or phone call, wondering where I was.

Is she looking for me at all? Is she wondering why I'm not at school yet? Is she still angry that she doesn't care anymore about my whereabouts? But she came to our house, eager to go with me, indicating she was no longer angry. If that's the case, why isn't she...

"I apologize for bothering you, Caesar." Rhea suddenly said, which drew my focus back to her.

Rhea didn't look at me but kept her head down as we strolled towards the bus stop. "It's just that...," she said again, her voice weak and remorseful. "I panicked when I saw my mother faint, and I was texting you, so when I saw your name and number on my phone, I couldn't think clearly anymore and quickly called you. I... I..."

"It's alright, Rhea." I quickly replied. "What you did didn't bother me, so don't worry. Instead of worrying about whether you bothered me, we should be grateful that your mother is safe and that nothing truly harmful happened to her."

After that, Rhea finally looked at me. She's tearing up, yet she maintains an appreciative expression. "Thank you very much, Caesar. I honestly don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been there for me."

"It's nothing. I'm glad I could help. But do you really need to attend school today? Why don't you stay with your mother for the day, and I'll inform your teacher?"

"It's alright. My mother detests it when I miss my classes, especially because of her. Once she wakes up and discovers that I have taken an absence, she would most likely chastise me and order me to return to school. Besides, my uncle will be there to care for her in any case, and her health is already stable, so I don't have to worry."

I agreed by nodding. "Okay. If you say so." And then we kept walking towards the bus station, talking about anything—from her mother's health to the many things we are both interested in.

Rhea and I arrived at school late for the morning assembly, and the first period for the first subject had already started when Rhea and I arrived, so we immediately went to the POD (Prefect of Discipline) to request an admission slip and explain why we were late.

After that, Rhea and I parted ways and headed to our respective classrooms.

Our first subject teacher inquired as to why I was late, and after a brief explanation and the presentation of the admission paper, she let me sit.

I turned behind me at Brae, and our gazes locked. She smiled at me, but it didn't reach her eyes. I expected her not to speak to me, so I was astonished when she bent down and whispered to me from behind. "Where were you?" she questioned, her voice thin and tiny.

"I'll tell you later," I responded before returning my attention to our teacher.

After an hour, our first subject was over. Brae immediately asked my seatmate to switch seats so she could sit by me once our teacher left. She then began questioning me.

Her first question was, "Where were you?"

You're asking me now when you didn't even bother texting me and asking where I was, I responded quietly.

"You were with Rhea." She said it matter-of-factly.

"There was an emergency at her house," I explained.

"What kind of emergency?"

"Her mother passed out unexpectedly. She called me in a panic and asked for help."

"How come it has to be you? What about her dad?"

"It's only her and her mother."

"Oh." She stated, somewhat shocked. "How about her neighbors? She must have neighbors, right? Aren't they more accessible than you?"

"I just told you she was in a panic."

"Still..."

"Why are you asking so many questions now when you did not even bother texting or calling to find out where I am?" I couldn't help myself.

You don't even seem concerned about me, I whispered quietly again.

"Why do I need to ask where you are when I already know? I knew it was Rhea you were with the instant Auntie Luna said someone called you, and you bolted. Only a few people have your phone number; I can count how many people you'd run to if they called you. Your parents, mine, and me. But none of us contacted you, which left me with just one person in mind: Rhea. That's how I found out you were with her. And since I already knew who you were with, I didn't bother asking where you were. I assumed you'd already made a move on her, so I didn't dare to text or contact you, not wanting to bother either of you." She said it humorously while grinning from ear to ear.

"I have no intention of confessing anything or doing anything. Being friends with her is enough, Brae. I'd rather devote my entire concentration to my academics."

"You realize that what comes out of your mouth is never the same as what you do, right? Like how you raced away when Rhea tried to talk to you but then acted casually when she saw you the second time and how you were upset that I gave her your phone number, but now you're texting her every day. You were also opposed to me bridging the gap between you two. However, you are already closer to her than any other male in this school. So, just stop resisting my support. In any case, we both know how it will end. Despite your best efforts, you will eventually wind up dating her." Brae replied with a smile, her voice taunting and encouraging.

However, when I peered into her eyes, I noticed an unfamiliar emotion I had never seen before.

I tried to name the emotion, but Brae had already stood and asked my seatmate to return to her seat.