CHAPTER 1

"After trying different treatments, nothing has changed with your condition. In fact, it is getting even worse. We always fail every time we try different kinds of medicines. I'm really sorry, miss Robles. It is difficult to cure the disease that you have. It has already spread throughout your brain. But, let's not lose our hope. There is a possibility that you can still be cured. There are many other treatments we can try. We can also go through surgery too." The doctor clearly explained to me.

I get even more depressed every time I hear from him that we failed every type of medicine and treatment that we tried to cure my disease.

"As time goes on, my chances of recovery are getting smaller and smaller, am I right, doc?" I asked in a low and weak tone.

The doctor looked away from me.

I knew what that reaction was supposed to mean.

"Doc, I have something to tell you," I uttered.

"What is it?"

I looked down then casually played with my purse.

"After all, there is no certainty as to whether I will recover or not, I am thinking of stopping my treatment for now. I won't be taking any medicines as well. I am slowly losing hope and chances. Maybe what I have been through my treatment journey is already enough. Maybe, I'll just enjoy the rest of my remaining days. It's the best thing I could do for myself," I said.

The doctor suddenly stood up and then he walked towards my direction and sat in the chair in front of me. He caressed my shoulder.

"Don't give up, Miss Robles. Especially now that you've come a long way. You still have a big chance. Don't say things like that. Your life won't end this way," my male doctor said in a low tone trying to convince me. But, it is not working.

I looked up at him then smiled. "It's okay. I already accepted the fact that I won't be getting any better."

The doctor sighed heavily then shook his head.

The doctor looked me straight in the eyes.

"I am going to refer you to my psychiatrist friend. He can help you. I won't let you stop your treatment. You're still too young. You can still do a lot of things. It's okay to feel weak, you just need to rest, but don't say that you won't be getting any better. We are not sure yet on what the future holds. We don't know what's going to happen in the next few days. Don't be easily discouraged. There are still people waiting and relying on you. You can take out all your anger on this psychiatrist. He will make you feel better and reduce the heavy weight you are carrying in your chest." I looked down again. "Fatima, I'm not saying this because I'm your doctor. I am saying this because I am your friend. You are a good person and I know you are brave. You can't just give up now. You are a brave woman. You've been through a lot in life. This matter is just a piece of cake for you."

He is right. I've been through a lot of hardships in life. The world never agrees on me and destiny has never been on my side. This doctor is a witness to what I went through.

Doctor Evrous and I were in the same class from elementary school to high school. We are childhood bestfriends. Even though we took different courses in college, we never lost touch with each other.

"Can I think about whether I should continue or not? I am investing too much from this, but nothing is happening."

The doctor sighed again. "Don't think about the expenses. You are only paying 50% for each treatment we tried. I'll help you with that. Just don't give up."

I looked straight at him with a slight smile.

"I'll go now. I still have a lot of things to do," I said.

The doctor removed his hand from my shoulder. "You're planning to get drunk again?! You know alcohol is bad for your health," the doctor said with a frown.

I just smiled sexily at him.

"I am barely like that. I'm planning to go boy hunting," I joked and slightly laughed.

The doctor hit me lightly on the forehead. "That's why your heart is always hurt. You love doing boy hunting and when you fall on them and get hurt, you immediately throw yourself on alcohol and get wasted."

I just laughed at him.

I stood up and walked to the door then turned it open. "Don't worry, doc. Just like you said earlier, I'm a brave person." I said with a smile then walked out and didn't wait for the doctor to say anything.

When I finally closed the door, the smile on my lips immediately disappeared.

I forced myself to stand up straight then weakly walked outside.

My brain is occupied again. I can't even think straight right now.

When I finally got out of the hospital, I took a deep breath before trying to plaster a happy smile on my face before calling a taxi.

****

I tried so hard not to burst into tears while I was covered with a thick white sheet inside this dark room. This room witnessed my misery every night.

But it's so hard to stop. I couldn't stop myself. My tears and sobs are coming out on their own as if they have their own thoughts.

It is very difficult to fight while you are alone.

It is hard to fight your silent battles alone. It feels so heavy 

As I was crying my heart out, my phone suddenly rang.

I pick it up and look at who's calling.

It's Liah, my bestfriend.

I immediately wiped the tears from my eyes and cheeks and immediately calmed myself down.

I cleared my throat before answering the call.

"Wassup, girl! Why are you calling at this late?” I tried so hard to lighten up my tone.

"Come with me to the hospital tomorrow, please? My due date is tomorrow. It would be better if I was in the hospital right away," replied by the person on the other line.

This month is the ninth month of her pregnancy.

"Why? Are you starting to labor?” I asked.

"Nope. My stomach does not even hurt. But it's better if I am already prepared while it's still early."

"Where are your parents or your siblings? Why don't you go with them?" I asked.

The person on the other line let out a long sigh. "I am not expecting anything from them. You know those people. Business is the only thing that encourages them to continue breathing and living in this world. Even when my aunt died, they didn't even bother attending her burial because they were busy with paper works. Even if they are about to die, they will still think about business," my friend's long litany.

"How about your ex-fiancé? "Aren't you guys still close with each other?"

"That one is busy with business as well and his girls." She emphasizes the word "girls".

I just laughed at her. “Okay, okay. I will come with you tomorrow. I will pick you up. So, go to sleep now. It is almost midnight and you are still awake. Go ahead, your child might look ugly because of you staying up late."

The person on the other line just laughed softly. “Okay, okay. Bye-bye! Goodnight! Sleep well, bestie.”

“Good night. Sleepwell too,” I said before ending the call.

I put my cellphone on the bedside table then lay down on my soft bed.

After a few minutes, I was still not feeling sleepy so I got up and left the bed.

I'll just go outside to get some air.

I put on a hoodie jacket. I'm only wearing shorts and slippers. I also put on a cap.

Then I went out.

I live in a small condo. I moved here a month ago.

I took the elevator and headed to the lobby.

The cold air immediately greeted me when I finally got out of the building. Many cars passes by.

I was just walking slowly with my two hands in my hoodie pocket and looking around.

After more than ten minutes of walking, I stopped in front of a mini cafe that had free books to read.

I thought about going inside, so I did.

This cafe is shortly far from my condo.

Only one staff member, me, and one another customer were inside the cafe. People don't visit this place very much. This place is only for bookworms or nerds.

I ordered a hot chocolate and looked for a book to read.

After choosing what to read, I went to the far side and sat there.

It's very quiet inside. Perfect place for bookworms like me.

I don't really like reading books very much. I just really need to do something to pass time.

Insomnia is catching up with me again. I also don't want to take sleeping pills because that's bad for me.

I started reading the content of the book I took.

It took a few moments for the staff to place my order.

I was just focused on what I was reading when suddenly I heard another customer entering the cafe.

I ignored that and just continued on reading.

After a few minutes, I can no longer focus on what I was reading because I feel like someone is watching me.

I feel that the person who just entered and sat on my left side is staring at me. I feel like he is only three meters away from me.

I turned to look at that person. And I caught him looking at me but he immediately bowed down his head.

I couldn't see his face because he was wearing a black jacket and the hat of the jacket is covering his face.

I looked at him from head to toe.

From the shape and size of his body, I can say that he is a big man.

My eyes landed on his arm. I could see a snake tattoo on the back of his palm.

I suddenly felt anxious and scared.

Immediately, my chest was filled with nervousness.

I focused my attention again on the book that I was holding.

Why is he following me again?

Even though he couldn't clearly see my face, he still recognized me. Fck! why are the eyes of this madman so sharp?!

I feel the coldness of my hands and the trembling of my whole body.

I forced myself to stand up and returned the book I was holding to the shelves near my place and paid the staff.

I quickly left the cafe. I never looked back. Then quickly walked in the direction of my condo.

But for a few moments, I felt that the man was following me.

I sped up every step.

I just walk straight. I bumped a lot of times with the other people walking around and I didn't manage to apologize. I am too afraid that I can no longer focus.

Just one more turn, I was already close to my condo when suddenly some hands pulled me and led me into a tight and dark alley.

We are between two adjacent buildings.

I couldn't scream because a hand quickly covered my mouth.

I tried to fight back but the person in front of me was too strong.

He violently pushed me against the wall and pinned his body on mine.

Immediately, the mixed smell of alcohol and cigarettes hit my nose.

He approached my other ear.

"You think you can get away from me, huh? There is no way, I won't let that happen. Do you understand?!" He whispered. He was emphasizing every word that came out of his mouth.

I am already shivering in too much fear.

I want to cry or scream for help because I'm so scared.

I can only think of one way. I bravely kicked the thing between his thighs.

His manhood was hit hard causing him to release his hand from me and fall back on the floor.

I took the chance and quickly ran away.

I didn't look back and kept running until I entered my condo.

I quickly closed the door and slid down there.

I was having a mental breakdown in the middle of the night and as I tried to forget that shit, this situation suddenly happened?

I just felt even worse.

When will he really stop from chasing after me?! I already moved out from my original place, but he still found me.

This is freaking stupid and tiring.

I'm like a criminal running and hiding from that person.

I want someone to run to. I want somebody who would protect me from that man. I can't protect myself from him all the time. But I couldn't tell the people close to me about this.

I don't want them to feel sorry or even pity me.

And, even If I say so, they probably won't believe me just like before.

I always fight alone.

But, when it comes to my friend and other people, I would be there for them while they were fighting their own battles.

Sounds so unfair.

But, I guess I'm doing the right thing. I don't want to empathize with them. I love them so I don't want to hurt them.

I can do this. I can do it alone. I did it before, I can do it again now.

I wiped the tears that fell from my eyes and stood up.

I was tightly holding my phone when it suddenly rang.

Someone just texted me.

Big sis, mom and dad are planning to bring me with them abroad. I will be continuing my studies in Italy. They recently found out that you were struggling on helping me with that matter. I know you are having such hardship just to raise me all these years. I just want you to take a break from me. I want you to focus on yourself. You've been working all your life. Don't you think it is time for you to just think of yourself?!

I immediately called my sister's number.

After a few rings, my sister answered immediately.

"Hello, sis?"

"Is it true? Are you going with them?" I quickly asked.

The person on the other line was silent for a few more seconds.

"Y-yeah, I just want you to focus on yourself and be happy, so I just agreed on going to Italy with them. And also, the opportunities are greater when I'm in Italy. All the things that I need will be provided by our parents. I don't want to get into so much trouble just because of me," she explained.

I was silent for a few seconds.