1

“Yen!” 

Kim’s voice was low but loud enough to echo his silent frustration. I got frightened. I knew I was confusing him. Just a few minutes ago, I hooked my arms around him like a lost child who just found comfort and security. That move awakened a mutual longing deep within us, prompting a simple gesture to progress into an intimate action.

I danced along with him to the rhythm of sexual passion. Our moves even flowed out naturally and unrestrained. I felt profound pleasure and satisfaction with him, but it was something I had never experienced with Zed. I momentarily forget about reality. Everything felt so real and tangible. But after the powerful emotion subsided, the truth dawned on me. 

Hell, I sinned against my husband! 

I sinned against the man who put me on a pedestal. The man who did nothing but loved and took care of me like I was the most fragile thing on earth. I could never believe that there would come a day that I would destroy our sacred bond. We were still in our early months of marriage.  Yet there I was, hooking up with a married person. The very thought of this made me feel I was swimming in a pool of dark and slick filth. And I couldn’t dare to look at myself in the mirror.

I quickened my pace until I was already running. My light footsteps echoed against the eerie silence of the hall. But before I could open the door that separated Door 13 from the rest of the units, a powerful pair of arms caught my waist.

“Yen, I won’t hold you back, but please hear me out first. Take it easy.”

I struggled to get free from Kim, but his arms tightened around me. Then, feeling that somewhat familiar warmth of his body against me, I broke into a sob. Because I felt Kim wasn’t just a stranger or my boss, but someone related to my past.

Thinking that whatever it was in the past that linked him to me had nothing to do in the present, I begged.

“Kim, let me go. My conscience is already killing me. Look, I’m a married woman. I don’t want to go on sinning against my husband!”

I heard his heavy sigh on top of my head, his breathing even tickling my scalp.

“Take it easy, Yen. I’m sorry I got carried on. It’s all my fault.”

Sorry. My mind was jeering at this. But, that simple word was never enough to put back the pieces of dignity I had broken out.

After a moment, my soft sobs turned into loud wailing.

“Why did you take advantage of my weakness? You know I have a husband, and I’m even carrying his baby in my womb.” I knew I sounded foolish to say this since I was the one who started the act. And I just couldn’t pin my sin on him.

“I’m sorry, Yen. I’m really sorry.” Kim didn’t let me go yet. He placed his chin instead of on top of my shoulder.

“But please, don’t mind it so much. We are only human.”

I forcefully separated his hands that were interlaced in front of my navel. And then I turned and faced him, looking straight into his eyes.

“Why are you here? Are you stalking me?”

I surprised myself with the courage I got in confronting him. However, I couldn’t help myself from voicing out the suspicion that was raging in my mind. 

He may have planned all these. But, everything that happened to me was not a mere coincidence. His business partner misconstruing me as Jakara Blue. The consistent dreams I had about him. The outer structure of the apartelle. The interior design of the room. The furniture and appliances inside Door 13. Thinking about all these sent shivers down my spine.

“I followed you because I saw you coming out of the taxi while I was at the office.”

I raised my head subconsciously, and my eyes fell on the glass wall along the corridor. Kim Yuan Microelectronics’ signage that was attached to the beam of the second level greeted my eyes. Below the signage was indeed the glass wall of his office. It may be dark from the outside, but it gave off an unrestricted view of its surroundings from the inside.

A few hours ago, we were there attending the board meeting. We went back to the hotel together after the session. But why was he there again?

Reading through my mind perhaps, his voice cut into my confusion. “Vic and I went back to the office because of an important matter. And it so happened that I saw you as I looked out from my desk.”

I may be half-convinced, but he had a point. His office was facing this apartelle, and he could view the front area of the building through his glass walls. There was nothing else I could argue about, except because his business partners misconstrued me as Jakara Blue.

My thoughts then went back to the passport I saw on the table. And that was how I discovered he got married to Jakara Blue five years ago. Although I knew him as the husband of Maezy, my best friend Ara’s friend, Trish had also told me that there was no marriage between them.

I almost got tempted to ask why his business partners had mistaken me for Jakara Blue, but then I lost the courage. I couldn’t dare. What would he think if I would? Even if I hadn’t known who really Jakara was, I wouldn’t want him to think I was assuming I could be on Jakara’s level, worthy enough to become his woman.

I could never stand by his side as his equal. He was the man behind the fame and success of Kim Yuan Microelectronics, while I was just an ordinary woman. I was just lucky enough that he offered me a job because of Ara. If it were not for her, who first invited me to join them on their team-building outing, I wouldn’t have known him personally. I could have just remained watching him on social media or magazines.

“But why have you followed me here?” I still couldn’t help expressing my suspicion.

“Because I am staying here. This is my home.”

My gaze froze on him, my mouth hanging open. Did it mean he’s still with Jakara? The apartelle’s receptionist confirmed it to me that Jakara was the occupant of the unit. But what about Maezy?

Oh, dear! My head really ached.

His lips lifted into an amused smile. “This place used to be Jakara’s home. I lost her six years ago. But I still choose to live here because of the memories. I’m a one-woman type of man, and I don’t easily fall in love with another.”

Oh, my goodness! Why do I also dream about the place?

Feeling the weight of frustration and confusion in my heart, I swore to find out the truth from now on.

“Kim, that thing that happened between us -" I stopped. It’s too hard to bring up that shameful subject with him.

He broke into a pursed smile, but his eyes sparkled as they glued on me. I may just be assuming, but there was a tenderness in the way he looked at me.

“Don’t worry. That would be between the two of us.”

I smiled weakly, but drops of tears were already pooling at the corners of my eyes. Staring into his face made the silent scream of my mind get louder. Scream of guilt, regret, and shame.

“But Yen, I want you to know that I will treasure it for a lifetime.”

I furrowed my brows. What happened between us was some uncontrolled and unexpected human madness. And that’s what most people defined as lust.

“What do you mean by that? It was just plain s*x.”

He scoffed, but he reached out for my hands, holding them tight. 

“Because I love you.”

I got stunned for a moment.

“Are you crazy?” I snapped after his words sank into my mind, shaking my head. I couldn’t believe my ears in this nonsense.

“I am.”