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CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

Author: Benny D dreamer
last update Last Updated: 2025-06-26 18:02:09

TONY

I hear the familiar knock: three quick taps, pause, two more and my stomach clenches. I've been dreading this moment for three days, since Sunday Luke texted that he finally has time to come over. Now it’s Wednesday.

I've barely slept since then, surviving on coffee and the kind of bone-deep exhaustion that makes everything feel like it's happening underwater. My limbs feel heavy, disconnected from my body. Even thinking requires effort I don't have.

The apartment feels cavernous without Vanya here, her absence making every sound echo.

I drag myself to the door, I open it to find Luke standing in the hallway, hockey bag slung over his shoulder, hair still damp from practice.

He looks alive, energized in that way he always does after being on the ice. The contrast between us makes me feel even more hollow.

"Hey," he says, that crooked smile I usually love nowhere to be found. He looks exhausted too, but it's the satisfied kind of tired that comes from doing what you love.

I ste
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  • SWEET DEBAUCHERY: AN M/M COLLEGE, CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE   CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

    TONYI hear the familiar knock: three quick taps, pause, two more and my stomach clenches. I've been dreading this moment for three days, since Sunday Luke texted that he finally has time to come over. Now it’s Wednesday.I've barely slept since then, surviving on coffee and the kind of bone-deep exhaustion that makes everything feel like it's happening underwater. My limbs feel heavy, disconnected from my body. Even thinking requires effort I don't have.The apartment feels cavernous without Vanya here, her absence making every sound echo. I drag myself to the door, I open it to find Luke standing in the hallway, hockey bag slung over his shoulder, hair still damp from practice. He looks alive, energized in that way he always does after being on the ice. The contrast between us makes me feel even more hollow."Hey," he says, that crooked smile I usually love nowhere to be found. He looks exhausted too, but it's the satisfied kind of tired that comes from doing what you love. I ste

  • SWEET DEBAUCHERY: AN M/M COLLEGE, CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE   CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

    CALEBVanya's holding her phone too close to her face when I accept the FaceTime request."Where the hell have you been?. You didn't text all weekend.""I was busy.""With what?" Tony cuts in. He's lounging sideways on his couch, hoodie half-off his shoulder, looking like he hasn't moved all day. "Your family? Church? Local gay crimes?""I wish," I say. They're calling together, split screen, both of them loud and nosy.Tony yawns. "So what's it like with Tim around?"I keep my face neutral. "Barely see him."Vanya snorts. "You're telling me the person who used to climb through your window at midnight is suddenly too busy?"I shrug. "He's busy with Ellie. They've got wedding stuff. I don't really talk to him."They believe it for about five seconds.Then Vanya squints. "What's on your neck?""Nothing.""Come closer.""No.""Caleb.""It's not—" I start, but Tony's already leaning toward his camera."Show us," Vanya says. "Now I'm curious."I roll my eyes and adjust my hoodie without t

  • SWEET DEBAUCHERY: AN M/M COLLEGE, CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE   CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

    CALEBTim leads me down the familiar path behind his house, past the vegetable garden where tomatoes hang heavy on their vines. My skin still tingles from his touch, and I can feel the heat of what just happened between us radiating through my body. The afternoon sun slants through the oak trees, casting everything in amber light that seems to pulse with the drone of bees.He glances back with that smile that undoes me every time, and I know where we're heading.The apiaries come into view, a dozen white boxes I've seen before and loved, scattered across the meadow like abandoned dice. The air is thick and sweet, heavy with the scent of wildflower honey and warm wax that I've come to associate with these stolen moments. Bees move in lazy spirals between the hives and the clover, their wings catching the light like scattered gold dust.The muscles in Tim’s forearms flex as he lifts the smoker. There's something primal about the way he moves among the hives, confident, reverent, like he

  • SWEET DEBAUCHERY: AN M/M COLLEGE, CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE   CHAPTER THIRTY -FOUR

    CALEB’S POVThe front door opens before I reach the porch steps. Tim's leaning against the doorframe in jeans and a white t-shirt, barefoot, looking completely at ease. Like he knew exactly when I'd arrive. Like he knows how helpless I am when it comes to him."You look all grown up," he says, eyes traveling down my body and back up with obvious appreciation. "College treating you well."Heat floods my face. I try to play it cool, shrug like his attention doesn't make my pulse race. "Can't complain.""No, of course, you can't." He doesn't move from the doorway, making me squeeze past him to get inside. The brush of our bodies is brief but deliberate, and I catch his small smile as I pass.The house smells like old wood, pine, and honey, lived-in and warm. My body remembers this space like it was yesterday. The couch where he used to pull me onto his lap, the kitchen table where he'd press me against the edge, the stairs I'd climb quietly in the dark."I wasn’t lying, Caleb." His voic

  • SWEET DEBAUCHERY: AN M/M COLLEGE, CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE   CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

    CALEB’S POVIt’s Sunday Service. Too warm. Too many people in the same pressed clothes pretending they don’t hate each other.Pastor Williams is droning on about gratitude, and I'm trying to look appropriately grateful while mentally taking notes of all the ways Tim's shirt is too tight across his shoulders.He hasn’t looked at me once and I’ve looked at him four times already.Mom sits to my left like a statue carved from disappointment and Chanel No. 5. Dad's on my right, adjusting his watch like the sermon might end early if he stares hard enough.Meanwhile, I'm three pews back from Ellie and her fiancé, pretending I don't know exactly how Tim's hands feel when they're not folded in prayer. The slope of his neck beneath my hands.Tim shifts in his seat, and I catch the way his dress shirt pulls slightly at the back. Days and days of knowing that body, and I still can't look at him in public without my brain short-circuiting. He reaches over to hold Ellie's hand—such a good Christia

  • SWEET DEBAUCHERY: AN M/M COLLEGE, CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE   CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

    TONY’S POVI can't decide if staying back for Thanksgiving was stupid or just hopeful.Luke never said he wanted to spend the break together. I just assumed. I pictured us having actual time—no practice schedules, no teammates hanging around, no pretending we're just friends who happen to spend every free moment together. I thought maybe we'd cook something terrible in our kitchen, or he'd finally sleep over without setting an alarm for five AM.But Luke's been gone more than he's been here. Road trips. Team dinners. Something about "building chemistry" with the guys. He texts me updates like I'm his mom: "heading to Burlington," "back Sunday maybe," "coach is being crazy."I don't text back much anymore.The apartment feels huge without Vanya. Her room is across the hall, door cracked open like she might walk back in any second. But she won't. She's in Ashwick, probably helping her mom with pie crust and pretending everything's normal. At least that was the plan.I made soup yesterda

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