CHAPTER SEVEN: Heal You

"You're not useless."

Lilie

I do not know why I am still alive, and how many times have I tried to end my life. But here I am, eyes wide open and crying again.

I looked at my wrist when I saw that it had a bandage again. I remember what happened last night and just laughed. Why every time I hurt myself he is always there for me. He was there to save me.

Isn't he tired? Isn't he exhausted? Doesn't he get angry every time I push him away from me? Isn't he irritated?

I don’t know why he does all this even though he doesn’t know me? I don't even know his name.

I slowly stepped on the floor and went to the bathroom to look at myself again. I slowly faced myself in the mirror and was just stunned.

I could see the big change in me, from the face to the body I lost. I feel, that with each passing day I become a burden to the people who helped me. I feel worthless, useless to the world.

I feel, I just wasted their time and time with me, their hours that they are ready to help me but maybe I will not be able to help.

Why is it so hard to fight ourselves?

I'm useless because I just didn't tell my Mom what Dad was doing to me, I'm useless because I just didn't save myself, and most of all I'm useless because I didn't even stop my Mom from killing herself.

If I could just go back to the time when I dared to tell my Mom everything, maybe it would not have reached that point. If I could just bring back the night that misery befell me, maybe I wouldn't have a hard time like this, maybe if I ran at that time, I could still survive.

If I could just turn back time, maybe ... I would never experience this. I feel it's all my fault. It's all my fault.

Without any thinking, I punched the glasses in front of me. I cried out in pain, not because of the crystals sinking into my hands but because of the pain, I felt for myself. I loathed myself.

"I'm useless," I kept saying to myself and I didn't realize that someone was hugging me, which made my crying even louder.

Why are you here again? Why are you saving me again?

Third Person

Lucas and Elise, are talking seriously. They talked about her condition again of Lilie and what will do to the girl to save her from the misery, that she's feeling.

"She's hurting herself again and again and for her not to do that, someone has to help her feel that life and herself are important. And I know that you're the one who will help her, Lucas," she told him so Elise looked at him.

"She is hysterical when a man approaches her and holds her", the young man replied causing the cousin he was talking to laugh.

"Then prove to her that you will not hurt her. That's why I choose and trust you, Lucas. I know you will be the way to restore her trust and value to herself and other people."

"I know that you will be the one who will save her.

...

After Lucas and Elise talk about Lilie's condition. Lucas decided to visit the woman in her room. When he entered he saw that the girl was not in bed so he slowly entered and he saw her in the bathroom and crying.

He wanted to approach the girl and hug her, he was hurting, he was hurting for the girl. He wanted to hug her to relieve the pain the girl was feeling.

Lucas was stunned when he witnessed the next scene, he saw the girl punch the mirror, and he could see the scream and blood flow from the girl's hand.

So Lucas ran to the girl and did not hesitate to hug her. The girl cried even more and she struggled with him so he hugged her even tighter.

"Release me! I'm useless! I'm useless to this fucking world!" the girl shouted causing them to sit on the bathroom floor. The girl just cried and cried while leaning on his chest.

"I'm useless, I'm useless"

That is what the girl repeatedly says to herself while the young man reverses it all.

"No, you're not useless Darling. You're worth it. Please, please stop hurting yourself again. You're hurting, I'm hurting. Please, let me heal you," he said to the girl causing her to calm down...

Only the deep breaths of the two of them can be heard now in the bathroom. Lucas could still hear Lilie sobbing a little.

A few more minutes passed before Lucas stood up, lifted Lilie, and looking at her, she fell asleep. So she slowly put it on the bed and when Elise arrived she was surprised by what she witnessed.

"Did she hurt herself again?" She asked the young man so she looked at him while taking the medical kit to treat the girl's wound. While Lucas was treating Lilie, Elise was cleaning the broken glass.

"Lucas, change your clothes first, there are still bloodstains."

"No, I'm here next to him first, maybe he'll do something again."

"I'll take care of her first, don't worry," Elise said so Lucas hesitated and left to change his clothes.

Lilie

When I woke up there was food ready next to me. Tocino and fried rice are on the plate and there are apples on it as well.

"Eat first, to regain your strength." I looked at the man who had just spoken suddenly.

He leaned against the door as he looked at me seriously. It suddenly approached me causing my heart to beat faster. He took my food and put it next to me, I just stared at him while arranging my food. All I know is he is familiar to me.

He looked at me first before speaking. "You should eat, Lilie. To regain your strength, look at how thin you are." I don't pay attention to what he says I just study his face carefully. I know I've seen him.

Suddenly my eyes widened as I remembered who he was. He is the man Alexandra showed me!

"L-Lucas." I did not realize I had mentioned his name so he looked at me.

"You already know me," he said and smiled at me causing my heart to beat faster. He knows how to smile but why in the magazines I do not see him smile even once.

Is there a charge for his smile?

"Huh?" I just said that.

"Eat now," he interrupted me and accidentally touched my hand. So my eyes widened and suddenly snatched my hand away from him causing him to move away from me a little.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to touch you," he said to me while looking at me straight so I took a deep breath and smiled sparingly at him.

Lilie, calm down he won't hurt you.

While I was eating he was just looking at me so I was confused and at the same time was also restless. Maybe he noticed I was uncomfortable so he straightened up and spoke.

"If you need anything, just go to my room opposite your room. Just knock on my door and tell it to me," he said and closed the door. So I lowered my spoon and was stunned by the door he had left.

Why in magazines he is so different. He also said that he did not know how to smile but he smiled, he also said he was rude but he was kind to me.

Are they angry with Lucas?

...

The next day I just found myself in front of the person they called to check on my condition.

She smiled broadly at me while I just stared straight into his eyes.

"Hi, Lilie. I'm a Psychologist, I'm Mika," She gladly introduced herself to me.

I did not speak or utter a single word. She took a piece of paper and a ballpoint pen and set them down in front of me. I just quickly looked at it and looked back at her.

"How are you? If you can't speak, you can write or draw your feelings." At the same time, she pointed to the paper and ballpen she gave me.

"I just want to die ..." I said firmly but she just smiled so I continued talking to her.

"Do you lost your mother? Do you lose yourself? Why do some people hinder other dreams and make misery ?!" I asked her directly but there was anger in my voice, so she nodded.

"Yes, I lost someone in my life and of course, I lost myself too. But with the help of people around me, I found myself again."

"Whoever did that to you then will pay for it. You deserve justice, Lilie. No one wants to experience that," she added.

I averted my eyes from her. "Why do I have to feel this kind of pain? Do I deserve this? Why the world is so fucking unfair to me ?!"

I felt the pain in my voice when I said those words. I feel so heavy that it makes me cry but I also immediately wiped the tears running down my cheeks

She took my hand and said, "No, you do not deserve that kind of pain. They will help and accept you," while pointing to the two people outside the room. The only glass between the four of us.

I met his stares, I could see the pity and anger in his eyes. So I averted my eyes and focused on the person in front of me now.

"I lost my mother, I got raped ... Do you think they will accept me and help me ?! No! They will stay away from me and they will hate me for what happened to me!" I shouted in so much pain and cried.

She tightened her grip on my hand and gently rub it. I could see the determination in her eyes.

"No, no ... don't say that. They will accept and help you, Lilie," her voice becomes soft when she speaks again.

"They will not hate you, just open your heart, eyes, and mind. They will help you. All you need to do is to trust us, Lilie. Please trust us, we can heal you ..."

...

A few days passed after we finished talking about Psychology. I just bent down while swinging, I looked to my side next to me, it was Lucas. He smiled at me so I avoided staring at him.

"Hi," he greeted so I looked at him again, I distanced myself a little because I am still not comfortable with him.

"H-hi," I stammered and the surroundings fell silent again. We are here now in their garden.

The size of his house, it seems to be a mansion, eh. The kindness of the people here too. Even though I was unfamiliar with them, they still talked to me and always greeted me.

I don’t know if I deserve what they do to me. I feel like I'm just a burden to them. Especially with Lucas, I know he is the one who is having a hard time so I am ashamed.

Although I want to thank and be close to them, I am always overwhelmed by fear and apprehension. I want to get rid of this feeling of pure fear and apprehension that I always think of the people around me.

How can I be healed and become strong if I do not help myself and rely only on them? If I only think of problems and not good things.

How can I face everyone if every time I tried, fears are always eating me? They are slowly eating me. How can I be healed quickly if I'm always pushing them away just to save me?

"Lilie," he called me so I looked at him again, waiting for what he wanted to say. I was just surprised by what he told me.

"You're beautiful."