“You sound like you’ve been talking to my mom,” I say.“Oh, yes, dear. She keeps us well informed,” Joyce says, bringing her coffee cup to her lips. “Although Olive hasn’t been paying attention,” she adds before taking a sip.“I’ve been traveling. Florida is so nice this time of year. I’m behind on all the news.”“We were all rooting for you,” Maybelline says.“You poor dear,” Joyce says. “You must be so devastated. Jenni is quite the catch.”“I am,” I say honestly. “Jenni is the best of the best.”“Then surely there’s something you can do to make it better,” Maybelline says. “If you want to, that is. This does seem to be a delicate situation.”“What do you mean by that?” Joyce asks. “Do you know the reason they broke up? No one can seem to figure it out.”Maybelline leans forward like she has the juiciest gossip of all. “Well, it seems that poor Jenni can’t ever get pregnant and doesn’t want to burden Langston into a childless marriage.”What? Jenni finally told her mom she can’t hav
My pantry is stocked with little juice boxes, macaroni and cheese, and a variety pack of chips. I grab out the ones I promised and get Hayden settled at the table with them. “If you’re still hungry, I can make you a corn dog, but dinner will be soon, so I don’t want to spoil your appetite too much.”“You won’t spoil my appetite, I promise.” Hayden rips open his goldfish package and starts eating. “I can eat a lot.”Sausage waddles into the room and wags his tail at Hayden. The two of them got acquainted the first day Hayden came to visit my house right after he arrived. Sausage plants his rear right next to Hayden’s chair and pants.“Gross, Sausage. Your breath is horrible.”“Come on, boy. Leave Hayden alone.” I shoo him away and head to the microwave when it beeps with Hayden’s cooked corn dog.When I bring the plate over to Hayden, Sausage is right by his side again. “Whatever. I give up. You win, pooch.” I swear I’m the biggest pushover when it comes to this dog.I go grab myself a
LANGSTONWhen Wednesday rolls around, it’s my turn to take Hayden. It’s the first time he’s sleeping at my house, and I have his room all set up, thanks to some help from my personal assistant, Maggie. She’s an older woman, but very tech savvy, which is important for me since I’m a techie myself. She did a bunch of online shopping for me and decorated his room in a palette of blues, which she discovered is his favorite color. She’s a mother and grandmother and knows a lot about what kids like. I’m clueless, so I’m grateful for her help. Mom has been a huge help too, going out with Maggie to buy clothes for Hayden.I pull up to his school, and he’s in a pretty ratty looking t-shirt and jeans. Didn’t Amanda want to put him in some of the new clothes we bought for him?He climbs into the car, and he’s using his old beat-up backpack instead of the brand new one Maggie picked out. We’d sent them over to Amanda’s new place, but for whatever reason, she’s not letting him use the items.“Wher
“My dear girl.” She pulls me to her and instead of being upset and crying, she just holds me. She pulls away and looks at me. “How long have you known this?”“For about a year.”“And you’ve just carried this news around with you, never telling us or allowing us to help you through it?” Her eyes widen in realization. “All those times I told you I wanted you to get married and have babies… You never said anything.” She looks horrified. “What you must have been feeling…” She shakes her head. “I wish you could have felt comfortable enough to tell us the truth. We only want to love you and support you.”My heart warms at her words. “I never wanted you to feel this pain I was feeling. I knew how disappointed you’d be. Being a grandmother is all you can talk about these days.”“And maybe that day will come. You can still adopt.”“Yes, I know. I’ve already been thinking about becoming a foster mom. I was going to tell you soon. But I knew it would be a tough conversation, so I was putting it
JENNII go home and shower, but the hot water does nothing to relax me. Langston’s devastated face is all I can see and think about and it’s tearing my heart out. I scrub at my hair with a vengeance, but it’s not helping me get my frustration out. I feel like screaming. Why did this have to happen to me? If it weren’t for this infertility, Langston and I would probably be together and happy right now.And how I wish I could feel his arms around me. I need his comforting arms, but I can’t have them. I can’t hurt him like this. Hot tears run down my face and mingle with the water falling on me.After my shower is finished, I turn off the water and let the sobs fully loose as I climb from the shower and wrap a towel around me. Because now I haven’t just lost my ability to bear my own children. Now I’ve lost Langston, and there’s no way to make it better. It’s hitting me now how deeply I care for him, how deeply I’ve cared for such a long time.He’s always been there, even when we were “e
“No, she left me. Ended things,” I clarify.“What? What happened?”Another relationship destroyed, another woman walking out on me. It’s like I’m cursed.“What’s wrong with me, Mom? Why do I chase off all the women in my life?”She pulls back and looks at me, her eyes full of concern. “I don’t know what’s going on with you and that girl, but there is nothing wrong with you, my precious boy.”I want to leave, go home, and zone out in front of the TV, but I have a kid in the other room who is meeting his cousin for the very first time. I don’t want to miss it, and now I’m regretting my decision to corner Jenni when she was trying to leave. My heart aches so much with the loss. I want to chase after Jenni, try to talk sense into her, but I need to let her have the space she seems to want.I fight my hardest to pull myself together, and I go back into the living room where Hayden and Amanda are talking to my brother and his wife and adopted child.Angel is sitting on the floor next to a b