Luca's Smirk

Chapter 5

I stayed kneeling in front of Derek for a long time.

His hands were cold in mine. His breathing was shallow. He kept his eyes on the window, on the dark backyard where Eli sat alone. I do not know what he was looking for. Forgiveness, maybe. Or just a sign that he had not destroyed everything.

I let go of his hands. I stood up. I walked out of the guest room.

The hallway was dark. The kitchen light was on. Luca was still there, leaning against the counter, a wine glass in his hand. He was not drinking. He was just holding it, watching the red liquid catch the light.

He looked up when I entered. His smirk was back. Smaller this time. Almost soft.

He said Derek had gone to bed.

I asked how he knew.

He said he heard the bedroom door close. Then he set down the wine glass. He pushed off the counter and walked toward me.

I did not move.

He stopped a foot away. Close enough to touch. Close enough to feel the heat coming off his body.

He asked if I was okay.

I said no.

He nodded. Then he said something I did not expect.

He said he was not going to kiss me tonight.

I blinked. I asked why.

He said because I was not ready. And because he did not want to be the man who took advantage of a woman who was falling apart.

I did not know what to say.

He smiled. That got your attention, didn't it?

I almost laughed. Almost.

He reached out. His hand touched my chin. Light. He tilted my face up toward his. His thumb brushed my lower lip.

He said he was going to do something else instead.

I asked what.

He said he was going to tell me the truth. The whole truth. No more secrets.

My heart started pounding.

He said he had been in love with me for two years. Not since the accident. Before it. He had been in love with me at the wedding. He had been in love with me every time Derek brought me to dinner. Every time I laughed at one of his jokes. Every time I touched his arm without thinking.

He said he had tried to kill the feeling. He had dated other women. He had moved to another city. He had gone months without calling Derek. Nothing worked.

I asked why he was telling me this now.

He said because Derek had given him permission. And because he could not watch me cry in the shower anymore.

I froze. I asked how he knew about the shower.

He said the walls were thin. And he had been listening. Not to spy. To make sure I was okay. Every night, he heard the water run. Every night, he heard me cry.

He said it was killing him.

I wanted to be angry. I wanted to feel violated. But all I felt was seen. For the first time in two years, someone had noticed my pain. Someone had heard me.

Luca stepped closer. His chest was inches from mine. His hand was still on my chin.

He said he was not going to kiss me. But he wanted to hold me. Just hold me. Nothing else.

I nodded.

He wrapped his arms around me. His chest was warm. His heart was pounding as hard as mine. He held me like I was something fragile. Something precious.

I pressed my face against his shoulder. I did not cry. I just breathed.

He smelled like wine and cedar and something else. Something that made my stomach flip.

We stood like that for a long time.

Then I heard footsteps.

I pulled back. Eli was in the doorway. His face was unreadable. His eyes moved from Luca's face to mine. He said nothing.

Luca did not let go of me.

Eli said he was going to bed. Then he turned and walked to the guest room.

The door closed.

Luca looked down at me. He asked if I wanted him to let go.

I said no.

He smiled. Then he led me to the living room. He sat on the couch and pulled me down next to him. He did not try anything. He just put his arm around my shoulders and let me lean against him.

We sat in the dark. The house was quiet.

He asked if I wanted to talk.

I said no.

He asked if I wanted to sleep.

I said no.

He asked what I wanted.

I said I did not know.

He was quiet for a moment. Then he said he knew what he wanted.

I asked what.

He said he wanted to wake up next to me. Just once. Just to know what it felt like.

I turned to look at him. His face was close. His eyes were dark.

I asked if he meant that.

He said yes.

I should have said no. I should have gone to the bedroom and locked the door. I should have protected what was left of my marriage.

Instead, I said okay.

Luca's smirk returned. Slow. Dangerous. He stood up. He held out his hand.

I took it.

He led me to the guest room. Eli's room. But Eli was not there. The bed was empty. The window was open. A cold breeze moved the curtains.

Luca said Eli was in the backyard. He had been out there for an hour. He would not come in until we were gone.

I asked how Luca knew.

He said because Eli was a gentleman. And gentlemen suffered in silence.

Luca closed the door. He did not lock it. He just closed it.

He sat on the edge of the bed. He pulled off his shoes. He unbuttoned his shirt. His chest was bare. The thin gold chain caught the moonlight.

He lay down on the bed. He did not reach for me. He just lay there, one arm behind his head, watching me.

He said I could leave anytime. No questions. No guilt.

I stood in the doorway for a full minute.

Then I walked to the bed. I lay down next to him. I kept the red dress on. I kept my distance.

He did not move closer. He just turned his head and looked at me.

He said goodnight.

I said goodnight.

He closed his eyes.

I stared at the ceiling.

The minutes passed. His breathing slowed. His hand found mine in the dark. He did not squeeze. He just held it.

I did not pull away.

I fell asleep.

I woke to sunlight. Luca's arm was around my waist. His chest was pressed against my back. His breath was warm on my neck.

I did not move.

His hand tightened on my waist. His voice was low, rough with sleep.

Morning, Mrs. Hayes.

I turned my head. His face was inches from mine. His eyes were open. He was not smiling.

He asked if I regretted it.

I said no.

He asked if I wanted him to let go.

I said no.

He pulled me closer. His lips brushed my ear. He said he had dreamed about this. Every night for two years.

I asked what happened in the dream.

He said he woke up.

I turned in his arms. We were face to face. His hand was on my hip. My hand was on his chest. His heart was pounding.

He asked if I was going to kiss him.

I said I did not know.

He said he could wait. He had been waiting for two years. What was a few more minutes?

I looked at his lips. His jaw. His eyes.

I leaned in.

He did not move. He let me come to him.

My lips touched his. Soft. Questioning.

He did not push. He did not grab. He just waited.

I kissed him again. Harder this time.

His hand moved to the back of my neck. His mouth opened against mine. The kiss deepened. His tongue touched mine. I gasped.

He pulled back. His forehead rested against mine. His breathing was uneven.

He said he wanted more.

I asked what more.

He said everything.

I should have stopped. I should have gotten up. I should have walked out of that room and never looked back.

Instead, I kissed him again.

His hand slid down my back. The red dress was still on. His fingers found the zipper.

He asked if he could.

I said yes.

He pulled the zipper down. The fabric loosened. His hand touched my bare skin.

I shivered.

He asked if I was cold.

I said no.

He smiled. His smirk. The one that had haunted me for two years.

He said he had dreamed of this. Every detail. Every sound. Every sigh.

I asked if the dream was better than reality.

He said reality was better. Because I was here. And I was real.

He kissed me again. Slower this time. Deeper.

His hand moved up my spine. His fingers traced the curve of my ribs.

I heard a sound. A door closing.

Luca pulled back. His eyes went to the bedroom door.

I turned my head.

The door was closed. But the hallway light was on.

Someone had been watching.

Luca sat up. He ran a hand through his hair. He said we should get dressed.

I asked who it was.

He said he did not know. But someone had seen.

I sat up. The red dress fell off my shoulder. I pulled it up.

Luca stood. He walked to the door. He opened it.

The hallway was empty.

But on the floor, there was a note.

Luca picked it up. He read it. His face went pale.

He handed it to me.

Derek's handwriting.

I watched. Thank you. Now it is Eli's turn.

I read the note three times.

My hands were shaking.

Luca took the note from me. He crumpled it. He said Derek was sick. He said this was not love. It was control.

I asked what I should do.

Luca looked at me. His eyes were hard.

He said I should decide what I wanted. Not what Derek wanted. Not what Eli wanted. Not what he wanted. What I wanted.

I stood there in the red dress, my hair a mess, my lips still warm from Luca's mouth.

And I did not know the answer.

But the note said it was Eli's turn.

And Eli was waiting.