Shattered : Reagan & Riggin

Reagan

I saw white lights flashing in my eyes, moving quickly and slowly simultaneously. I felt hopeless when I slammed my right foot into the floorboard, pushing the imaginary brake on the car’s passenger side. Suddenly, I was watching myself, unable to look away from what was about to happen. I opened my mouth, screaming at the top of my lungs, gasping for air as no sound ever escaped my lips. My body tensed muscles I didn’t know I had suddenly tight and aching, trying to protect my stomach from the impact that was about to occur. I tried to move, but I was frozen with fear. A strong arm wrapped around the front of my chest, reminding me I wasn’t alone. Mason… Mason was driving. He was trying to save me as he turned the steering wheel so the driver’s side of the truck would take most of the inevitable impact. Violently, my body jerked forward as a snap and searing hot pain tore through my shoulder. Immediately, guilt overtook me. I didn’t put my seatbelt on, and now I am going to die.

I braced myself, waiting to be thrown out of the vehicle, but to my surprise, the airbag pushed my body back into my seat. The sound of metal scraping the asphalt as it molded itself to the other car engulfed the air, ringing through my ears. My stomach lurched as the spinning started throwing my body into something sharp as it penetrated my body, and then suddenly, the spinning stopped. Silence filled the air, and my vision started to fade. This was it, this is where I die! But I can’t die yet, not yet. I open my mouth, trying to call for help, to call out for Mason. He needs help, we need help, if I can just get some help! I can’t fight the darkness anymore as my body betrays me succumbing to the darkness….. 

“NOOOO!!!!” I shot straight up, hitting my head on the bed’s backboard. I’m drenched in sweat, and I can’t breathe. It takes a few minutes before I start to recognize my surroundings. I’m safe at home. A home I haven’t been to in 5 years but home. The nightmares are back! I thought I was over this; what is wrong with me? Why am I so weak? I tried to force the tears out of my eyes that I so badly wanted to fall, but they wouldn’t. The glowing clock on the nightstand reminded me it was only 3 a.m. I contemplate returning to sleep, but I’ll have another nightmare. My control is completely slipping away. I reach for my running shoes. The quick movement reminds me that my ribs are still bruised, but I need to get lost. I grab my hoodie and throw it over my tank top. Looking at my phone I notice the weak signal and full battery charge. I can still listen to my music while I run. 

With every step I take, the boards creak louder and louder. The last thing I wanted to do was wake up the cowboy sleeping down the hall and explain what I was doing; if I hadn’t already awakened him with my screaming. The moon was shining bright enough through the windows. I didn’t need to use a light to see my way down the hall. I tried my best to open the back door as quietly as possible, but the slower I cracked it, the louder it echoed through the near-empty house. Finally, I got the door open and slipped out, closing the door as quickly behind me as possible. The cool breeze hit my face, and I started remembering how peaceful it is here, nothing like my place in Seattle. Heck, I can hear the crickets and see the stars. When you look at the sky, I swear you can see the earth’s curvature and watch it rotate. The stars seemed to go on forever. The sky was dark and blue, with the moon shining just enough to give light to see the ground. I once tried explaining the view here to my friends, but they just didn’t get it.

Spencer would no doubt be disappointed if he knew I was running. I still hadn’t been cleared by the doctor. Chuckling at the thought, I put my headphones on and attached my phone to my arm. I need to clear my head more than anything and a little pain isn’t going to stop me. Yesterday my world fell apart all over again, the loss of control was killing me and I needed to get it back. I CAN NOT LOSE CONTROL! It’s the only thing that keeps me going from day to day. The last 48 hours have had me scared to death and hurting inside. I just need to breathe!

The moment my feet hit the ground I could feel my control coming back. My lungs felt like they were on fire as I started to adjust to the elevation change. My ribs only hurt for the first few yards before they went numb and I wait for the rest of my brain to follow suit. A few minutes into my run I forget where I am. My only concern is putting one foot in front of the other. I pick up the pace allowing my mind to wander back to earlier that day.

“Ma’am, I’m sorry for interrupting but there’s a man on the line and he says it's an emergency.”Ashley's voice is shaky, she knows better than to interrupt me during negotiations. Trying not to sound too annoyed with her I asked, “Did he say who he is Miss Tate?”, she was fidgeting, my patience was running out with her, I do not have time for this, “Um.. Yes he said his name is Riggin and it’s about your father….” my heart leaped up into my throat, as I tried to keep my emotions in check. What is going on with my Dad? Why is Riggin calling me? My mind was going a mile a minute as I just sat there not noticing everyone in the room watching me. “Ma'am, what would you like me to do?” her voice snapped me back to reality. I stood up making my way towards the door, ”Please send it to my office, sorry gentlemen you’ll have to excuse me. Mr. Jameson, will you please finish things up for me thank you.” I didn’t give them time to object, I can’t believe this is happening right now. I’ve been working so hard to close this deal for the last 6 months with these people. I was about to get everything I wanted. And now I’m leaving it in Jameson’s hands. He better not mess this up! 

I hurried to my office feeling guilty for worrying about work when Daddy needs me. Riggin wouldn’t call me if it wasn’t serious. I silently prayed “please I can’t lose him too, I’m not ready, he’s too young, I’m not strong enough right now.” My heart was pounding in my chest so hard I thought it might burst. Gripping the phone I take a deep breath to gain some control back, ”Hello this is Reagan I understand there is an emergency?” doing my best to keep any sort of emotion out of my voice. “Yes Ma’am I’m sorry to have to call but Mr. Sutherland….. um your father has been in an accident. He’s at the hospital.” I couldn't hear anything else he said. My legs buckled and I fell into my chair. Daddy No! I felt like someone just punched me in the stomach, I couldn’t breathe, ”Ma’am I tried to call Randle but he didn’t answer….” Riggin stopped talking, at least I think he did. I couldn’t speak, we just sat there in silence for what seemed like an eternity. ”Ma’am are you still there?” he finally said, ”How serious is it!” I forced the words out. “They have him in surgery right now.” I could hear the worry in his voice, ”I wouldn’t have called if it wasn’t serious,” he was uncomfortable delivering this news to me. He probably would’ve felt better talking to Randle but it is what it is I guess. 

My dad always talks highly of him. He even had me help add him to his will a few months ago, I knew how important he is to Daddy. I was extremely grateful for all the work he did for my dad in running the ranch. Daddy didn’t say it but I knew he was disappointed that Randle or I didn’t want to take over the family business. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be short with you,”a nervous laugh escaped my lips,”if you could keep trying to get ahold of Randle I will be on the next flight out.” I hung up the phone quickly worried that any control I had would be gone if I kept talking and I went straight to the airport not bothering to stop at home to pack.