012

 Sophie

The entire courtroom froze. 

For the first time throughout the case, I felt Hayes' gaze waver. It caught my attention and I turned to face him. His eyebrows were furrowed and his jaw clenched. 

He looked away from me. 

His hand met his face and wiped the beads of sweat that formed. He returned his gaze to me and blinked, still in disbelief. 

Olivia, on the other hand, looked almost joyous. Her lips spread into a smile then at Hayes’s scoff, they dropped. 

She sniffed and wore a plain expression. 

My gaze shifted to Noah who seemed more scared than anyone else in this courtroom. His face had gone pale, eyes wide and eyebrows raised. His fingers that fidgeted in his lap halted when he met my gaze. 

Then his lips moved. 

My eyebrows twitched, as I tried to make out the words he’d said. 

“Mrs. Sophie,” Hayes’s attorney called. 

I tore my gaze from Noah and met his. “Hmm”.

“Can you kindly repeat yourself?” He urged.

I took a breath and attempted to muster the same confidence I had before. 

My fingers picked at each other. 

“I do not want custody of Noah,” my last words were choked out. 

I dropped my head slightly and groaned to clear my throat. To stop whatsoever was demanding to break free. I didn't want to show emotion. 

I looked up. “Noah deserves stability and I won’t be able to give him that. You said it yourself that I am sick and I might not last very long. I do not want his days to be filled with him caring for me. If his father would be able to give him the stability he deserves then I accept those terms.”

Gasps filled the air. 

The jury looked at me like I was a monster because I wasn’t willing to fight for Noah. 

I resisted letting out a short laugh.

For years Hayes had poisoned Noah against me. My son hated me now and probably wants nothing to do with me. Keeping him would only force him into a life he doesn’t want. 

I look around the courtroom, searching for one reassuring gaze from anyone at all. My eyes met Dominic’s. He gave me a nod of encouragement and again, I resisted breaking a smile. 

The judge slammed his gavel on his wooden desk to silence the murmurs. 

I turned to face the judge and avoided the gaze of the jury. I held my head high as I did so. I refused to be intimidated. 

“Are you sure of what you’re saying?" The judge questioned. 

I thought for a moment. 

“Yes,” I answered. 

“You’re fully aware that by saying this you’re relinquishing your rights as Noah’s primary parent. He would no longer be in your custody. Of course, you’ll be granted visitation rights but in the eyes of the court whatever relationship you have with your son will be altered,” the judge explained. 

“I am aware,” I answered. 

He hummed. 

“Any mother would want the best for their child and I can tell trauma will not be the best thing for him at the moment,” I added. 

Cries broke not too far from me. It was Noah. It began with soft hums, and his head jerking back and forth at every hiccup that gripped him. He bit on his lip, with his eyes pressing shut to clear his blurry vision. 

Then after a few seconds, his lips parted and the sound became louder. Tears rolled down his cheeks. 

My throat burned yet my face was expressionless. 

I curled my fingers into fists, my nails digging deep into my skin. At every wail my nails dug deeper until a warm liquid rolled down my hands. I took a quick glance to see blood. 

I hissed but I didn't stop. I had to ground myself somehow. I hid them under the table. 

I looked up. I didn't want to draw anyone’s attention.

The judge removed his glasses with a slow sigh before looking over the bench. “Counsel….”

Neither of our attorney's spoke. 

Noah cried louder.

I resisted the urge to look at Noah. Hayes, on the other hand, had his attention on me while Olivia tried her best to silence him. He was inconsolable. 

The judge tapped his gavel once not to restore order but to simply draw attention. “This hearing is suspended”.

He glanced at Noah. “We will recess for thirty minutes”. 

Chairs scraped as people pushed to their feet. I didn't stand, not immediately at least. 

By the time I stood, Dominic had moved to my side. I still tried not to break character. “Am I doing the right thing?” I questioned. 

He didn't respond. He gave me the time to pour out my thoughts. I was glad he didn't. The hearing felt too fast that I could barely process things and Noah’s screams shook me. 

“I'm scared that I'm not doing the right thing. What if—”

“Everything will be fine,” he told me. 

I took in a breath. 

“Everything will be fine,” I repeated after him.

I let his words still me till we got to the break room. 

I was surrounded by people who glanced at me with judgement in their eyes. Before they look away, they'd whisper. They saw me as a bad mother but I knew different. If only they knew why then maybe they'd understand my decision.  

I took a bottle of water, snapped it open and took a sip. 

“How can she be relaxed when her child is hearing?” I heard someone whisper. 

“She had a child with the Mr. Hayes and she's giving it up. I bet she's a bad mother,” I heard another whisper. 

They didn't hide their words. In fact I was so sure they heard me. 

I took in a breath as I shut the cap of the bottle. “Everything will be fine,” I whispered to myself as I headed for the door. 

Once I walked out, behind me I heard Noah’s voice again. “Mommy”. 

My breath caught. 

I froze. 

For the first time in years he called me mommy.