Bothersome thoughts

He pulls away before any of us can fall prey to our urges. We were so close, I could taste his breath on my lips and I wanted nothing more but for him to lean down further and claim mine. He didn’t though. He might have been the first man to ever turn something like this down. An opportunity for intimacy was rarely turned down, and yet, he pulled away and walked off, towards the couch, where he seemed to fall down like a marble statue.

He seemed tired. He - Something inside my mind clicks. I didn’t even know his name! This stranger took me in, tended to my wounds and I did not even ask for a name?! Where were my manners!? 

But the silence that has set over the room seemed impossible to break, as I remained in my bed, watching the back of the couch. I can’t see him. But I know he is there. I can’t hear him breathe. He doesn’t move either. It’s like I'm all alone in this room, but I am certain I am not. There is a strange tension in the air, and despite knowing he is awake, I can’t bring myself to disturb the silence that was wrapped around the room. 

I shift slowly and fall against the pillows, staring up at the ceiling as I try to grasp the entirety of my situation. I was in a stranger’s home. Away from my home. Away where? Where was I? 

I’m not sure I can run away too soon. Run where? If I ever get home, they will not have mercy on me. Will this stranger have mercy on me? 

It feels like my heart is swallowed whole by nothing but darkness and emptiness and I find myself on the verge of another panic attack.

“You are safe here.” the stranger’s voice breaks the silence of the room and the rapidly escalating panicked thoughts. 

I’m not sure what or how to answer, so I sink back in silence, staring at the ceiling with teary eyes. The sound of footsteps makes me a bit more alert. I dry my tears and inhale sharply before the door opens and I almost jump out of my skin. In the doorframe, another figure stands tall, their eyes pinned on me. 

I hear my savior shift in his spot and he slowly rises, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“There is someone here to see you, My Lord -” the man who stares at me like I’d be some freak speaks and the red eyed man stands up, sighing softly. “They say it’s urgent -” the man insists, his eyes narrowing on me as if I was interfering in any way. 

“I’m coming -” he replies as he walks out of the room, pushing by the other man, who steps back and closes the door behind him without another word.

What- 

Who was that just now? Am I hallucinating? Is this some sort of dream? Everything felt and looked eerie. Even the man just now looked like he was pulled out of some fairy tale. He had a strange inhuman beauty, with golden eyes that shimmered like molten caramel. He looked even more elegant, in a feminine way, than my savior was, and I feel like I landed in some beast’s lair. 

I was not welcome here, was I? Was that the reason the golden eyed man looked at me like I was some sort of pest? 

A low, mildly annoyed groan escapes me and I bring both my hands over my face. 

This was my reality now! I escaped the prison of a forced marriage but at what cost?! I found myself in a stranger’s lair. Into their home. A lord… Was I even near home anymore? Was this the best choice I could have ever made? Foolish child. Maybe marriage was not as bad. Maybe my father was right. I should have learned to keep my mouth and be a submissive wife… 

A stray tear rolls down from the corner of my eye and before I can stop it, I find myself crying. Silent sobs that make my chest shake with the pain of uncertainty. With the pain of being nothing but a tool. With the pain of not being born as a man… but a woman. 

I’m not sure what his intentions with me are, but I will die before I am turned into a breeder! Or into a servant! Or into a damn slave!