ログインNathanielI tossed again, again, for what felt like the fourth time.Groaning as I was badly uncomfortable.It was probably the heaviness pressing against my lower abdomen, somehow restricting my breathing.I furrowed my brows.What’s pressing against my stomach?Roughly, I dragged my hand over my abdomen. I tapped on it, and strangely, I felt something.Or someone?Immediately, my eyes shot open as sleep quickly vaporized from my body.The sight in front of me made my throat tighten, my breath hitching as it came faster, uneven.“Nikolai…?”He was half sprawled across me, his head resting against my stomach like he belonged there. His arm was loosely draped over my waist, fingers barely gripping my shirt like he had run out of strength halfway through.My heart slammed hard against my ribs.“What the hell…” I whispered, my voice dry.For a second, I didn’t move.Was this some horrible nightmare? Him appearing in my dreams to torture me? Was this what was happening?My throat tightene
NikolaiFucking Serpents and their stupid mansion.Pushing the paper to my nose, I dragged deeply, feeling the substance altering my brain function and slipping this slow euphoric feeling through my system.For a second, everything dulled.The noise.The thoughts.Him.I exhaled slowly, my head tipping back against the couch as the music around me pulsed louder, heavier, like it was vibrating through my bones.Bodies moved everywhere.Heads wrapped in plaster bags, blood oozing from their necks.Maybe I should pummel some fuckers and soil my hands with blood. It always helps.But I already had a feeling that it wasn’t going to work tonight, and the drugs were doing the bare minimum to the voices in my head.Stupid Nathaniel and his stupid straight guy nonsense.I don’t give a shit about him, and maybe I’ll personally hand him over to Liam myself and have his well constructed life damaged.Well, his life is that perfect. I mean, he had such a whore mother.Maybe if I kill her and get h
NathanielI’m not fucking gay, and I fucking know that.I know that I’m not attracted to men one bit.I have always liked girls.My previous girlfriend back at home, Mia, she was almost fucking perfect until we broke up.So why the fuck was he trying so hard to bend me into his nonsense?What part of I’m not fucking gay doesn’t he understand?You know who I blame?I blame the student tutor program which refused to transfer me to another student. If not, I wouldn’t have been dealing with such a brute and emotionally unstable person.“Ahhh!!!!” I pulled at my hair, feeling utterly frustrated.The cab driver gave me a look which spelled ‘what a weirdo.’I exhaled sharply, dropping my hand back to my lap. My knee bounced restlessly as the city lights blurred past the window.This is stupid.He’s stupid.Everything about this is fucking stupid.I pressed my head back against the seat, closing my eyes, but the moment I did, his face flashed through my mind.That smirk.That confidence.The
NikolaiFuck him.And his stupid straight dude nonsense.What’s so bad about being gay? I’m open about my sexuality, and did I hide it?No.But maybe someday.But my point still remains that liking a guy isn’t a sin, and I refuse to allow him to be shackled by the shady norms and mentality which society is trying to impose on us.I will fucking crush and crumple his prim and proper walls, and fucking make him not so straight.Anger gushed through my veins.“Fuck you, Nathaniel Lockwood! Because I’m going to turn you so fucking gay that you’re going to fucking lose your mind!” I screamed.Yeah, that’s right.I think I fucking found my purpose in life.It is to make Nathaniel realize and come to terms with his sexuality.Yeah, I’m so fucking smart.“Nathaniel Lockwood, huh?” The familiarity of the voice instantly had my jaw tighten.Liam strolled out from the dark corner of the parking lot.His hand stuck in his pocket. “The name sounds familiar. Isn’t he the boy who almost fucked my bu
NathanielI shouldn’t have come here.I knew it was a big mistake.But I did anyway……And now his lips were on mine.My brain stopped working the second it happened.Everything just froze.The cold night, the rough metal of the car digging into my back, the distant hum of traffic… it all faded. The only thing I could feel was him.Nikolai.His hands on my face. Firm. Warm. Like he was afraid I’d disappear if he let go.My heart was beating so fast it hurt.What am I doing?I should push him away.I should say something.I should…But I didn’t.My fingers curled slightly against his chest, gripping his shirt without even realizing it. His warmth seeped through the fabric, grounding me and unmaking me at the same time.This is wrong.This is so wrong.But then he kissed me again.Softer.Slower.And something inside me cracked.A small, broken sound slipped from my throat before I could stop it, my lips moving, hesitant, unsure, but moving against his.I kissed him back.God.The moment
Nikolai“Hey… Niko…”“Niko… can you hear me?” Someone tapped my cheeks.It was still all muffled and blurred, as my eyes were deeply fixated on him.My pretty boy.His eyes were equally on mine.“I think I am probably seeing things,” I muttered to myself.“I think he hit his head hard or something, coach!” someone screamed.And fuck them, because I am perfectly fine.I blinked. Hard. And that’s when I saw it.Nathaniel. My pretty boy who hurriedly made his way through the rows.No. No. NoThe world tilted sideways, the ringing in my skull ignored, the pain in my knees forgotten. As the only thing that mattered in my fucked up head was getting to him.I scrambled up, skates screeching against the ice, helmet nearly falling off, stick clattering behind me. I tore it off, helmet off, gloves flying. Everything be damned. Nothing mattered but him.“Little fucker, you think you can fucking run from me?” Reaching the concrete floor, I removed my skates.“Hey man, what the fuck is wrong with
NikolaiFour days, 19 hours, and twenty-two minutes…That’s how fucking long the yapping voices in my head have refused to quiet down.And that’s how long my brain had seemingly stopped working properly, choosing instead to constantly revolve around a certain bastard.This is what I hate about addi
NathanielFor a second…I thought I was dreaming.Everything felt too close.Too warm.Too… real.His breath was right there, brushing against mine. His hand was on my wrist, his forehead almost touching mine, and my heart—My heart was beating way too fast for this to be normal.Or real.I didn’t
NikolaiFuck me sideways…Like I had to blink just to make sure that it wasn’t my fucked up and sick brain conjuring things up.Things like seeing my own pretty boy walking around in my room as he disposed of the things he used in tending to my wounds.I should probably thank my father for beating
Nathaniel I scrambled down on my feet beside him, pushing his head to rest on my lap….“Baby… baby….” He groaned, his lashes fluttering, eyes barely open.My chest tightened.“Hey, hey—don’t talk.” My voice came out sharper than I intended. My hands hovered for a second before I finally placed one







