Chapter 22

Rilla’s POV

"It is finally happening," I whispered to the empty room.

The bowl of porridge sat empty on the nightstand. I could feel the first wave of the reaction hitting my system. It started as a low heat under my skin. Then came the itching. It began at my collarbone and moved down my chest like a swarm of biting insects. I rubbed my arms, but the friction only made the raw sensation worse.

My lungs felt small. Every breath required a conscious effort, a heavy tug against a chest that refused to expand. The air in the room felt thick, as if I were trying to inhale water. Despite the pain, I felt a strange sense of relief. I leaned back against the pillows and let out a shaky breath.

"I am going to see you again, Rowena," I murmured.

I curled onto my side and pulled my knees toward my chin. The edges of my vision started to blur. Dark spots danced in the air, slowly growing until they blocked out the light from the window. I felt like I was drifting away from the bed, floating toward a quiet, black void. This was it. The end of the struggle.

People always say your life flashes before your eyes when you die. For me, it was not a flash. It was a slow slide back in time. I did not think about the hunger or the cold or the people who hurt me. My mind went back six years. I went back to the afternoon Rowena brought me to her home for the very first time.

I did not know then that stepping through her garden gate would change everything. I did not know I would meet the man who would take up every corner of my heart.

The memory was vivid. We stood in front of a small cottage. Green vines climbed the walls, and the grass was thick and well-kept. The air smelled like damp earth and the sharp, crisp scent of the coming winter.

"Stay right here, Rilla," Rowena said. She patted my arm and started walking toward the front door. "I have to make sure Rorie is tied up. He is a big golden retriever and he will knock you flat the second he sees a new face."

I nodded and stayed by the gate. I took a deep breath of the fresh air. It was so quiet there. Then, I turned my head and saw him.

The sight made my heart skip a beat. He was sitting in a wooden chair in the middle of the lawn. He looked like he belonged in a painting. The sunlight hit him directly, making his white shirt look bright against the blue sky. His eyes were shut. He looked completely at peace, his face smooth and free of any stress. A light breeze messed up his short hair, and I found myself wanting to reach out and smooth it back down.

I was never a girl who stared at boys. I usually looked at my shoes when people passed me. But I could not look away from him. He was the most handsome person I had ever seen. There was a magnetic pull in my chest that I did not understand.

I was so lost in looking at him that I did not notice when his eyes opened. He turned his head and looked straight at me.

"Are you done staring at me yet?"

His voice was deep and a little raspy. I jumped as if he had caught me stealing. My face burned with heat. I looked toward the house, hoping Rowena would come back and save me, but the door stayed shut.

He stood up. He moved with a slow, easy grace that made me even more nervous. He walked across the grass until he was standing right in front of me. He was much taller than I was. He leaned down, bringing his face close to mine. His eyes were a pale, striking green. He looked at me like I was a puzzle he was trying to solve.

"Who are you?" he asked. "A little rabbit sneaking into my garden?"

I backed away a step. I could not look at his eyes anymore, so I stared at the buttons on his shirt.

"I am a friend of Rowena," I said. My voice was so soft I could barely hear it myself.

"Then why are you standing out here staring at me like you have never seen a man before?"

"I... I am sorry," I stuttered. My mind went totally blank. I actually squeezed my eyes shut, wishing I could just disappear into the dirt.

The sound of the front door saved me.

"Rorie, sit! Stay quiet!" Rowena shouted. I heard her scolding the dog. "Do not scare her. You are going to like her, I promise."

I felt a wave of relief so strong I almost sagged. I opened my eyes to look at the man again, but the lawn was empty. He was gone. I blinked, wondering if I had imagined him.

Rowena walked out and grabbed my hand. "Sorry for the wait, Rilla. Come on inside."

"Rowena, who was that?" I started to ask, but she was already talking over me.

"Today is my mother’s birthday," she said. She sounded so happy. "We are having a big lunch with a few close friends. It is going to be great."

"A birthday?" I stopped walking. "Rowena, you did not tell me. I do not have a gift. I cannot go in there empty-handed."

"Do not worry about it," she said, pulling me toward the door. "Having you here is a gift for me. Usually, it is just my brothers and their loud friends. I finally have a friend of my own to bring to the table."

We walked into the house. The smell of roasted meat and fresh bread filled the air. There were several people in the living room. I saw five men and a young woman talking loudly. When I walked in, they all stopped and looked at me. I felt like a bug under a microscope. I wanted to turn around and run back to the gate.

Then I saw him again. He was standing near the window. He had a small, knowing smirk on his face. He was watching me struggle with my nerves, and I could tell he found it funny.

Rowena introduced me to her family. I met her two brothers, their friends, a girl named Rosamund, and Rowena’s mother, Roberta. I kept my head down and nodded to everyone. I was too shy to speak.

Roberta stepped forward and took my hands. "Rowena was right. You are a very beautiful girl."

I looked at her and felt a lump in my throat. I had never had a mother. Seeing the way she looked at Rowena and her sons made my heart ache. She was so kind and warm.

We all sat down for lunch. It was the most uncomfortable meal of my life. I tried to focus on my plate, but I could feel his eyes on me the whole time. He did not even try to hide it. Every time I looked up even a little bit, he was there, watching me with those green eyes.

As soon as the meal was over, I made up a clumsy excuse about having to get home. I practically ran out of the house.

I escaped that day, but I could not stay away. Rowena and I kept hanging out, and he was always there. The more we saw each other, the more the tension grew. It did not take long for that curiosity to turn into something much deeper. We fell in love before we even realized what was happening.

But it was a secret we had to keep. My grandparents were strict and watched my every move. I was still a few months away from being an adult. We lived in the shadows of that house.

"I am coming back to those days," I whispered, my voice fading as the darkness finally took over.