Prologue

“What are you waiting for? Just do it, Bev.” Hailee kept on convincing me. 

I looked at her, apprehensively. “B-But I’m scared. What if-“ Before I could finish my words, she already cut me off.

“Oh come on! It’s normal to feel scared but there’s no point if you’d continue being like this. So, try it now. If you never try, you’ll never know.” She then showed me her warmest smile as she caressed my arm.

Her smile and her soothing voice were too comforting, and she’s really a great convincer—there’s no doubt on that. In the end, I found myself walking inside the restroom with a troubled mind. My heart never stopped beating so loud, it only worsened as I closed the door and sat on the toilet bowl. 

It’s as if any minute by now, I’m going to collapse due to the anxiety lingering through my system. I just know I never saw this coming. No one ever did. I just woke up one day and I started feeling the symptoms. 

God knows how hard I tried to ignore it and disregard the possibilities. But later on, I still failed. Hailee still found out. She never believed my excuses. For her, I’m such an in denial bitch. Well, I really am. I wasn't clueless. I was just in denial.

But right now, I'm just tired of denying it.

It was only a few minutes after I entered the cubicle yet it felt like eternal for me. Another second passed and I was done peeing. Using my trembling hand, I took the tube out with my pee in it and began to put a few drops on the strip. My heart continued pulsating against my chest as I waited for the result. I feel lightheaded the whole time, and my knees were shaking too.

God. I’m so fucking nervous. But I have no rights to throw questions because in the first place, I was at fault for this mistake. There’s no one to blame but me… and him.

“Oh, my God.” Tears immediately pooled around my eyes. I covered my mouth to contain my sobs. I never blinked while staring at the result before my eyes.

Two fucking red lines. Fucking positive.

I tried the other and the result was just the same. Holy crap...

“Bev? Is everything okay? Are you done?” I heard Hailee behind closed doors.

“Y-Yeah, I’m done! Wait a sec.” My voice cracked as my tears fell more.

Shit. I knew it! There’s always consequences behind every action. I don’t know what to feel. I’m in mixed emotions. I feel overwhelmed, there’s also happiness which I never thought I was capable of feeling again. However, the fear I’ve been feeling remained. It only gotten worse.

“Ugh, thank goodness! I was close to think you fell asleep—Oh, dear. What’s wrong?” Hailee was quick to pull me for a hug after she saw my pale face cascaded with tears.

“I-It’s positive, Hail. I’m gonna be… a m-mother.” I sobbed. She gasped before she made me face her again.

“Really? That’s a freaking good news! What the heck? This is something we should celebrate about! You’ll be entering the motherhood, Beverly!” She exclaimed happily like it’s the best news she ever heard in history.

I just wish I could pull the same reaction.

“What do I know about being a mother, anyway?” What about my career? My handler will surely despise me. Every one of the industry, they’re going to judge me.

“Don’t worry, we’ll figure it out. I’m with you,” Hailee held my hands and squeezed them. “And I’m pretty sure, the father of that little thing will also do the same. After all, you both made that. You just have to tell him-“ That’s my cue to stop her from going further. Because apparently, I’ve heard enough.

“There’s no way in hell he’s going to know about this.” I gritted my teeth., my eyes filled with determination. Hailee was giving me a puzzled look. “I’ll raise the baby without needing his presence. I’ll keep it, by hook or by fucking crook.” I declared with finality.

I’ll be the selfish mother if I have to. Because I know very well what kind of a man he is, and now that our heated secret resulted into my own little secret, I’ll make sure he’s the last person who will know about it.