Chapter 5

My adrenaline began to flood as soon as I sat down and noticed the man’s face. The only thing that sprang to mind was to flee, which I did. It’s a good thing they were both talking to each other since it would have been embarrassing if they had seen me fleeing. Shock and terror seeped through my body, and those two sensations overtook me. And now I’m overthinking everything. What if that is, in fact, him? But what if I only made a spectacle of myself?

I’m well aware that I shouldn’t be thinking about it right now. The world’s population is in the billions – billions! – and I shouldn’t be concerned, but I can’t shake the feeling. I despise myself for thinking about the impossible, but that’s how my mind operates. He reminds me a lot of Razen, which brings up my abandonment massive issues. When I noticed the folks around me staring at me as if I was the strangest guy they’d ever seen, I came to a halt. I cleared my throat and walked at a normal speed to atone for my actions. I’m all hot from running quite aggressively, but that doesn’t bother me. I was thirsty as well, so I strolled up to the nearest booth and purchased a ‘palamig’. It’s just a fruit drink that’s been sweetened.

I sat on the bench and dialed Chase’s number to get some rest. I mean it when I say I have to tell him what happened. I reckon that. When he responded, the first thing out of my lips was, “Razen’s here!” I took a sip of my drink after, contemplating my life choices. That was a total gaffe.

“Razen is what?”

His tone was tinged with irritation and astonishment, as well as interest. That’s when I realized I hadn’t told them the truth, that Razen and I had indeed broken up. This was the second time I felt a crack in my heart today. My mouth let out another deep sigh. Should I let them know? They have a right to know as well. However, what would Nate’s reaction be? Razen is still his younger brother, and he may defend him. I’d have nowhere to go if he did.

Right now, I’m starting to feel like a hopeless case.

“Nevermind.”

I can feel Chase scowling through the other line. He’s not the type to intrude on people’s privacy, but he’s also forthright, so I knew what was coming. Still, I wasn’t anticipating it. And his next words slammed through me like a ton of bricks.

“You’re well aware that keeping quiet won’t help you heal. Keeping things to yourself is like to storing a ticking time bomb in your basement in the hopes that it won’t detonate, but it simply creates more harm.” He stated clearly, accentuating each and every syllable, but his voice still had sympathetic undertones. “So, no, tell me all of it. I’m your brother and lifelong friend, Val, and I’m always open to listening.”

His penultimate paragraph reassured me that I wasn’t a lost cause after all. Of course, I couldn’t have forgotten about him. In my own life, I worry too much about other people’s points of view that I forget about those who actually give a shit about me. Was I being self-centered? I didn’t set out to be this way, but the only thing I could do was try to get better, right? And by that, I meant that I wanted to mend myself and actually get something done.

Chase. To me, he’s like a genuine brother. Because I’m an only child, I’ve never known what it’s like to have a sibling. I’ve never had to buy gifts for my siblings’ birthdays since, well, I don’t have any. There is no one to annoy me but my colleagues, who I can count on my fingers. It’s quite lonely. That’s why I’m grateful to have Chase by my side through thick and thin. I’ve got someone to cling to. When things become really terrible, I have a shoulder to weep on. He’s the brother I’ve never had.

I gathered my confidence and said, smiling, “We had a massive fall. Razen and I are through. We’re no longer together.”

After that, there was a long pause. He had to be having trouble processing that. I can’t say that I blame him. It took me a few weeks to realize that I am required to make a shake up. Back in Germany, Razen and I were dubbed “the perfect pair.” Everyone admires our relationship and wishes they could have what we have. Everyone is so jealous that we do everything for each other. They could see how delighted we were. It’s such a shame that his happiness was somehow a façade.

“What?”

“We broke up.” I snickered.

He gasped, “And you’re laughing?! Oh, honey… are you okay? Do you want me to fetch you? Is he really here?”

I couldn’t stop grinning from ear to ear. It’s sweet that he cares so much about me and is so efficacious of me, but he lets me experience motherly love… That thought made me sigh. Motherly love? Right. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that one as well. My entire existence has boiled down to being the abandoned, hidden son because my parents are so well-known that they have forgotten they have children to care for.

Instead of making me feel better, these thoughts are making me bitter.

I shook off those thoughts and began to answer his concern, telling him that I’d go for a walk and look at the tourist attractions in the area. In any case, I don’t think I’ll get lost. I stood up, stretched, and proceeded to tell him everything about the breakup, including what happened in our regular rendezvous, Razen and I.

The conversation lasted almost an hour. Chase informed me about the town’s tourism attractions and what I should do while I’m here. He told me to pick whatever I wanted from the selections he provided. Okay… puffing my cheeks, I checked out the list with lofty expectations, and I wasn’t wrong to do so because everything on the list makes me so ecstatic.

Extreme action combined with therapeutic surroundings is exactly what I was looking for, and Puerto Princesa provided me with that atmosphere and experience. Couldn’t be more appreciative.

The butterfly garden and tribal village were the first places I went. When I say I adore nature, I feel like I’ve said it a million times, but what else can I say? I’m serious. I’m not exaggerating when I say that nature soothes my soul. When I first arrived, I was astounded to find geckos, as well as snakes, pigs, and scorpions! I’m fascinated by scorpions and geckos. They are lovely creatures. Despite the fact that scorpions are dangerous and venomous, I am drawn to their beauty.

I relished every second I was inside. Did I mention that I was also a photographer on the side? My hidden hobby is photography, which I combine with writing. Not exactly hidden, but only my closest friends and relatives are aware of my fondness for them. I photographed a variety of butterfly species, all of which are quite stunning. I went to view the settlement after admiring the butterflies’ beauty. I also learned about the indigenous people’s history in this area. It’s a heartwarming topic.

What’s more amazing is that I spoke with the locals! They demonstrated their musical instruments and how to play them, as well as their hunting equipment. However, of course, no animals were hurt in the process, it’s amazing to watch how they live.

After that, I headed to Mitra’s Ranch. When I walked in, I felt as if I had entered a paradise. This location’s natural beauty is spellbinding. My passion for nature is sated right now, and nothing could possibly go wrong. Baker’s Hill, a theme park close by, is something I’d like to see later. I’ve been told that they have a viewdeck where I can unwind. It’s also on top of the hill, so that’s a plus.

I climbed up right away, wasting no time. When I arrived at my destination, I smiled. It’s impossible not to be enthralled by the view. And it’s cracking me up because I’m too emotional for myself. I never imagined a place could evoke so many emotions in me.

To calm my mind, I inhaled deeply and closed my eyes. However, I felt a presence by my side, and when I looked at the person beside me, who was too occupied taking pictures of the scenery, I was filled with bewilderment and panic. What could possible go wrong in such a splendid setting?!

“Sorry? Is there something wrong? Do I have something on my face?”

I opened my eyes and blinked. Once, twice, three times. Nothing came out of my mouth when I opened it to speak.

“I’m sorry, but I think I know who you are. Isn’t it you who ran-!”

That was my signal to go. I sprinted, just like I had done during our initial encounter a few hours previously.

And three words were the only thing that was playing in my mind: fuck, I’m doomed.