LOGINChapter 54
ZIRAELIt was, I recognized, a more elaborate lie than her earlier attempts, constructed with enough plausible detail to withstand casual scrutiny. But it was still a lie, and I felt the recognition of that fact settle uncomfortably alongside the genuine tenderness building in my chest as I watched her fight to maintain her composure despite the fever still visibly wracking her body.
"Very well," I said finally, choosing, as I had chosen once already during
Chapter 54ZIRAELIt was, I recognized, a more elaborate lie than her earlier attempts, constructed with enough plausible detail to withstand casual scrutiny. But it was still a lie, and I felt the recognition of that fact settle uncomfortably alongside the genuine tenderness building in my chest as I watched her fight to maintain her composure despite the fever still visibly wracking her body."Very well," I said finally, choosing, as I had chosen once already during our journey home, to extend patience rather than force a confrontation she clearly wasn't ready to survive. "I will not call for a healer, if that is truly your wish. But I would ask that you allow me to remain, at least until the worst of this passes. I would not feel right leaving you alone in this state, regardless of whatever explanation you've offered for its cause."Something in her expression softened at that, genuine surprise flickering across her features as though she hadn't qu
Chapter 53ZIRAELI had not intended to visit Avaline's quarters that night. My original purpose had been considerably more mundane — a matter of scheduling, a message I meant to have delivered regarding the following week's diplomatic correspondence, one that could easily have waited until morning had some restless instinct not pulled me toward her wing of the palace instead of my own study.I had learned, over my long centuries of rule, to trust such instincts rather than dismiss them as idle whim. They had served me well in matters of war and politics alike, warning me of danger before conscious thought could catch up to whatever my senses had already registered. I did not yet understand why that same instinct had begun attaching itself so persistently to Avaline, but I had stopped questioning it somewhere during our journey home from Nightwood, content simply to follow where it led.It led me, that particular evening, to the corridor outside her r
Chapter 52AVALINEI counted the remaining pills for the third time that morning, as though recounting might somehow conjure more from the small, dwindling collection hidden inside the lining of my second dress. Seven left. Seven doses, and no clear way to obtain more before they ran out entirely.I had known this day was coming. Elder Mira had given me a year's supply before I left Nightwood, but a year's supply, I had learned, meant something different once I began accounting for the days I'd taken double doses during moments of particular panic, the handful of pills lost when one bottle had cracked during our journey and spilled half its contents into the dirt before I could gather them back up. What should have lasted considerably longer had instead worn down to almost nothing within the span of a few short weeks, and I had been too consumed by the business of simply surviving each day to notice how quickly the supply had thinned until it was nearly too late t
Chapter 51LUCERION"I promise," I said. "And I do not make promises to children lightly, Aida. I have lived a very long time, and I have learned that promises made carelessly cause more damage than honesty ever could. So understand that when I tell you this is your home now, permanently, without conditions attached, I mean it entirely."She studied me a moment longer, as though testing the sincerity behind my words, and I let her look, understanding that trust, for someone who had been taught so thoroughly to expect its betrayal, could not simply be demanded but had to be earned through patient, consistent proof."Why?" she asked finally. "Why do you want us here? We're not anything special. Mummy's just a servant, and I'm not even really her daughter, not by blood."The question struck me harder than I expected, and I felt something fierce and protective rise in my chest at the casual, practiced way she dismissed her own worth, clearly repeating so
Chapter 50LUCERIONI had not expected to enjoy the company of a five-year-old child nearly as much as I found myself enjoying it, and the realization sat strangely alongside everything else I thought I understood about my own nature.It began, as most things with Aida seemed to begin, with a simple request that quickly grew into something considerably larger than either of us had anticipated. She had found me in the palace library one afternoon, curled into a window seat with a book Fenwick had selected for her, struggling visibly over a passage that clearly exceeded whatever reading instruction she'd received during her brief, brutal childhood at Nightwood."What does this word mean?" she asked, holding the book up toward me with the particular directness that seemed to characterize everything about her, no hesitation, no careful calculation of whether the question might annoy me.I glanced at the word she indicated, unremarkable enough on its own,
Chapter 49AVALINEIt should have felt easier than it did, this gentle, undemanding kindness offered so freely by people who owed me nothing and expected nothing in return. And in many ways, it was easier. Easier to breathe, easier to sleep, easier to watch Aida run laughing through the palace gardens without the constant, gnawing fear that someone might snatch that joy away at any moment.But beneath the ease, a quieter unease had begun to take root, one I couldn't quite shake no matter how many kind words Bettina or Fenwick offered, no matter how many peaceful nights passed without incident.Solaya's voice echoed in my memory more often than I wanted to admit, that final threat delivered in the courtyard just before our departure. You'll be back on your knees begging them to take you in, once you realize the mistake you've made. I did not believe, not truly, that I had made any mistake in choosing to leave. But I knew Solaya well enough, had watched her man







