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CHAPTER EIGHTY TWO
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2026-03-11 22:42:23
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TABOO (A DEAL WITH THE SHADOW ALPHA) CHAPTER EIGHTY NINE
Axel. Standing in the middle of my living room with his jacket in his hand like he had been on his way out. Like he had decided to go and I had stopped him and now we were here, in this specific suspended moment, looking at each other across the length of my apartment.He looked terrible.I noticed that before I could stop myself from noticing it. He looked like someone who had not slept in longer than I had, which was saying something. There was dried blood on his knuckles. His jaw was set in that way it got when he was holding something very carefully contained, and his eyes, green, just green now, normal, the same eyes I had looked into a hundred times — were watching me with an expression I didn't have a clean name for. Too many things in it. Too many layers.I also noticed, before I could stop that either, that the fear was still there.It was sitting in my chest, Because this was Axel. This was the man I knew. The man who had made me coffee without being asked and remembered ho
TABOO (A DEAL WITH THE SHADOW ALPHA) CHAPTER EIGHTY EIGHT
AXELHer voice.I stopped.Rough from sleep and two days of god knows what and still, even exhausted, even with everything, carrying that particular quality I had never heard in anyone else's voice. Something steady underneath the roughness. Something that had survived everything the last forty eight hours had thrown at it and was still, somehow, standing.I turned around slowly.Addison was looking at me from the bedroom doorway. She had gotten up while my back was turned, was standing with one hand on the door frame, Jules hovering approximately two inches behind her with an expression that was equal parts protective and concerned and not at all happy about this development.She looked terrible. She looked like someone who had been through two days of hell and hadn't slept nearly enough and had a bruise on her cheek and marks on her wrists and was standing upright through stubbornness alone.She also looked like the most important thing in the world to me. But I was reasonably sure
TABOO (A DEAL WITH THE SHADOW ALPHA) CHAPTER EIGHTY SEVEN
AXELI couldn't explain it in any way that would have satisfied a reasonable person. I just couldn't make myself go. Every time I got close to standing up and finding my jacket and walking out the door, something in me pulled tight and refused, the same way a rope pulls tight when something on the other end of it is anchored to something immovable. I kept telling myself it was just making sure she was okay. Just confirming she was safe. Just waiting until her breathing evened out and the shaking stopped and Jules had everything under control.But that had been true an hour and a half ago and I was still here.The bedroom had gone quiet. Jules's voice had dropped lower and lower as Addison's responses had gotten slower, sleep pulling her under despite everything, and at some point the talking had stopped altogether and there had been just silence and the small ordinary sounds of the apartment settling around me. The refrigerator hum. The distant noise of the city outside. The specific
TABOO (A DEAL WITH THE SHADOW ALPHA) CHAPTER EIGHTY SIX
AXELSilence.Not the silence of someone processing information. The silence of someone deciding which of the seventeen things they wanted to say they were going to say first."Axel Rex," Jules said, and her voice had gone from sleep-thick to sharp in the time it took to say his name. "It is four o'clock in the morning and you are calling me from a number I don't have saved because I deleted it, which I did on purpose—""Jules—""Where the hell is Addison?""Where is she? Because she hasn't answered her phone in two days and I have called her forty something times and I filed a missing persons report this afternoon and nobody will tell me anything—""She's with me," I said.Another silence."She's with you," Jules repeated, very carefully. The way you repeat something back when you're trying to determine if the sentence is in fact as enraging as it sounded the first time."She's safe. She needs to get inside and warmed up and—""She's with you," Jules said again, and now all the caref
TABOO (A DEAL WITH THE SHADOW ALPHA) CHAPTER EIGHTY FIVE
AXELAt first I didn't see her. Just the empty pavement, a parked truck, the distant red of a traffic light, I turned in a slow circle, using everything I had, sight, scent, sound, looking for anything, any possible sign of her. And then I heard it.Footsteps. Uneven. The specific rhythm of something–no someone—- Addison, they were her footsteps.I turned left.She was half a block down. Moving along the edge of the pavement in the same clothes she'd been wearing for two days, no jacket, her arms wrapped around herself in the way people hold themselves together when they're so cold their body has stopped having any other ideas. Her hair was loose and tangled. She was moving with her head down, not watching where she was going, not watching anything.She stepped off the curb.I didn't see the cab until it was already in motion — coming fast around the corner, headlights sweeping across the street, the driver not expecting anyone to be there at four in the morning on a block with nothi
TABOO (A DEAL WITH THE SHADOW ALPHA) CHAPTER EIGHTY FOUR
AXELI threw him.He hit the wall of the building behind us and slid down it and I crossed to him before he'd finished moving, because I was not done and he was not going to get a moment of rest in what remained of his time.I felt something beneath the rage, grief, maybe, or the closest thing to grief that I was capable of in this particular moment. Not for Silas. For the man I had believed he was. For the thirty five years of misplaced trust. For the child I had been, picked up by careful hands and shaped into something precise and deadly while being told it was love.He was trying to shift back. I could feel him fighting for it, throwing everything he had left at my hold on his form, and I kept it closed the way you keep a fist closed — not with effort, by now, just with intention.He managed to get one hand back. Human fingers on concrete, scrabbling. The shift incomplete and miserable, caught between forms, which was one of the most painful states a wolf could exist in and I was
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