4 - The Past

FABIAN MONTERO MORDECAI

Matapos namin gawin iyon ay nagpapahinga ngayon si Lessi sa dibdib ko habang yakap ako. The feeling is so unreal. Having the woman I loved living with me under the same roof is so surreal.

Les and I have been in a relationship for two years now. She was still in college when I courted her, while I am training as the Mordecai Heir—though, Less doesn’t know my origin. She hates rich kids. Para sa kanya ang mga rich kids ay hambog, walang ibang ginawa kun’di ipagyabang ang pera ng mga magulang. They don’t need to work hard para makuha agad ang mataas na posisyon sa kompanya.

Ang unfair daw ng gano’n. If only she knew. It wasn’t that easy. Especially for us, the Mordecai Brothers. Since high school, we’ve been training hard to be the next heir. We don’t have a life to be a kid. To experience a happy life. Bata pa lang, bugbog sarado na kami sa mga trabaho. Mahirap. Dahil sobrang bata pa namin to understand the principles of business. But we have to if we want his luxury life to be passed on to us.

But then, everything changed when I met her. Fighting with some guy in the bar where I want. Binabastos siya. At that moment, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She caught my attention.

“May boyfriend ako! Bitawan mo ako!” Sigaw nito sabay sipa sa bayag ng lalaki, at nang namimilipit sa sakit ang lalaki ay agad niyang hinampas ng kanyang bag ang mukha ng lalaki dahilan para mapahiga ito sa sahig.

“You fvking whore!” He stood up and was about to hint at her when I immediately shielded her, grabbed his wrist, and pushed him hard to make him stumble on the ground. 

Since then, Les and I have become close. Until I courted her and said yes. Ang dami kong nalaman sa kanya. She’s from a poor family and is currently living in Bohol, but she chose to live in Manila to chase her dreams. To be an actress. Unfortunately, her efforts were wasted because she couldn’t have been chosen. She’s studying Media and Arts to improve her skills, and she’s a good actress. 

Muntikan na niya akong mapaniwala na namatay ang papa niya at kailangan niyang umuwi para puntahan ito. I was so dmn worried because she has no money. I wanted to help her but it’ll be suspicious. Ang alam niya ay galing ako sa mahirap na pamilya kaya hindi ko siya ma-spoil sa mga gusto niya. But sometimes, I spoil her with a limited amount. God knows how much I like to purchase the whole goddamn restaurant for her every time she craves food. Eventually, I purchased the license of being the owner of her favorite fast food resto until dad caught me and took away all of my fortunes and even status for defying him. And I left with nothing.

Les ranted about her roommates being loud and noisy, and how they couldn’t take care of their trash almost every day. So I borrowed money from Nikolai and secretly bought an apartment for us to stay in—she agreed on one condition. We’ll split the bills. Her happiness is too simple, and that’s what I loved about her the most.

Until one day, umuwi itong pagod na pagod while I cook dinner for us. Wala siya sa sarili. At hindi ako pinapansin. Noong una ay hinayaan ko lang dahil nga pagod lang talaga siya. She has auditions and a part-time job as a waitress. But she’s avoiding me for days.

Hindi niya ako iniiwasan ng gano’ng katagal and it seemed like her sunshine has gone away. Puno siya ng ulan at kidlat na hindi ko alam kung bakit. And when I confronted her to comfort her she told lies in front of me.

“Hindi na kita mahal, Fab. Let’s break up,” her voice was cracking.

And at first I thought she was just acting dahil halos napapaniwala niya ako sa mga aktingan niya, but this one is different. She couldn’t look me straight in the eyes, unlike her acting before.

Nanginginig ang katawan kong napaupo sa harapan niya at hinuli ang kanyang mukha para mapatingin sa’kin, pero hindi niya magawa. I can’t read her. She’s too cold. Hindi tulad dati na puno ng kinang ang kanyang mga mata.

“No, hindi ako makikipaghiwalay sa’yo, baby. Don’t do this, hmm.” I pleased and kept kissing her hands pero mabilis na hinila iyon ni Khalessi.

“Pagod na ako, Fabian. Please leave me alone! Ayoko na! Hindi na kita mahal—no, I don’t really love you. I just loved the thought of being with you.”

It broke my heart. To pieces. Did she mean it?

“You’re just acting, baby. Com’on don’t prank me.” I murmured nervously. 

I was about to reach her face when she shoved me away. She stood up and walked away from me.

“Ayoko na sabi, Fabian e. Hindi kita mahal. Just leave me alone o ako ang aalis? Choose.” Her voice was cold and stern.

My whole body is shaking. Still not sure how to react. For me, it was goddamn acting. But now her voice, her eyes tell a different story. Did she mean it? Does she ever love me? Was that all that happened between us? Just nothing?

Wala ako sa sariling napatayo mula sa pagkakaluhod ko sa sahid. I’ve done nothing. Akala ko mapipilit ko siyang bawiin ang lahat. But no. She’s decisive as soon as she packs her things.

“I’ll leave and you will stay, Les. I’ll be back, hoping this is just part of your pranks.” I chuckled nervously.

Umalis ako ng apartment namin nang hindi man lang siya nakikitaang umiyak. My heart shattered the moment I stepped out of the building.

She didn’t chase me and tell me that it was just a prank, that she was just acting. No. 

Bumalik ako kinabukasan para ligawan siya. Still she shoved me away. I did that for days until one day, wala nang nakatira sa apartment. The landlady told me that Les is leaving. Hindi alam kung saan.

I visited her address in Bohol, pero wala. Hindi ko siya mahanap. I’m running out of funds, and I don’t know how to find her.

So I begged Dad. I fucking begged him to return what was supposedly mine.

He finally relented, but not without a condition—a price I didn’t expect. "Marry the daughter of the Everhart family," he said, his tone leaving no room for negotiation.

I agreed, though my mind was already set. I had no intention of going through with it. No matter what, I wasn’t going to let anyone dictate my life like that.

But fate, or perhaps sheer luck, intervened in my favor. The Everhart daughter vanished into thin air, without a trace.

I used every ounce of my power to find Khalessi, but she seemed to have disappeared completely.

The desperation ate at me, clawing at my sanity, until two years later, there she was—displayed on the big screen as the lead female in an upcoming movie. It was her debut as an actress.

She looked incredible. Radiant. Blooming. Expensive. It was as though she had been reborn, shedding every trace of the Khalessi I once knew.

I wanted to approach her, to call out her name, but I couldn’t. If I did, all her hard work—the new life she built for herself—might crumble. I feared that my presence might ruin her success and her happiness. Worse, I feared she’d hate me even more.

So, I let her be.

I let her chase her dreams, watched her shine from afar, and supported her in silence. I anonymously invested in her projects, sending her gifts, sending food trucks to her sets, and ensuring she felt supported, even if she never knew it was me.

I became her number-one fan, quietly cheering for her through the years. She was happy, and that was enough for me. At least, that’s what I kept telling myself.

Hanggang sa hindi ko na kaya pang magtago habang hinihintay siya. I couldn’t bear it anymore—the endless waiting, the constant pain of watching her from the shadows.

I get jealous every single time she kisses someone on-screen, every time she has an intimate scene with her co-stars.

I know it’s just acting, but the doubts gnaw at me. I don’t know what’s happening behind the camera. Did they take things further? Did they f*ck in her dressing room? In her van? In her tent? The thoughts are consuming me, each one stronger than the last.

“I’ll invest. Half a billion pesos. Just make me her lead man,” I declared with finality, my voice firm and unwavering.

This upcoming project of hers, filled with its rumored intensity in bed scenes, was something I couldn’t allow another man to partake in—not with her. Not anymore.

Seven long years. That’s how long I’ve been waiting. Watching. Hoping. And now, the moment has come to claim what should have been mine all along.

You’re mine, Khalessi. You’ve always been mine. Forever.