Chapter 5:The beast within

Lucian’s POV

Pain was the first thing I felt when I woke.

Not sharp — just deep. Like something had hollowed me out from the inside.

The fire in my veins hadn’t faded. The venom still clawed at my system, making every heartbeat a reminder that I’d been touched by something unnatural.

 My wolf… was silent. I could sense him, but he wouldn’t speak, wouldn’t move. It was like we were separated by glass — I could see the outline of him, but the connection that had always been instinctive and constant was fractured.

I sat up slowly, jaw tight, trying to remember. The fight. The ambush. The rogues.

And her.

Flashes came and went like lightning, a scream, warm skin.

The sound of something tearing.

And her eyes — gods, her eyes. Wide and bright and terrified.

I gritted my teeth, dragging a hand over my face. I didn’t know what was memory and what was venom-induced madness. But the blood on my hands said enough.

When I reached for my neck out of habit, my chest tightened.

The chain was gone.

A short, sharp breath escaped me. That chain had never left my body — not since the day I swore my allegiance to the pack, not since the war that made me Alpha. It wasn’t jewelry. It was an anchor, a bond, forged in ritual. The fact that it was missing wasn’t just unsettling — it was wrong.

Something inside me stirred. Not my wolf. Something older. Wilder.

Thane pushed open the door before I could process it. “You’re awake.”

He looked like he hadn’t slept. Blood still smeared his hands from the cleanup.

“How long?” I asked.

“Two days,” he said quietly. “You were out cold. The healers didn’t know what to do — wolfsbane burns, silver poisons, but this… this was different. You wouldn’t heal.”

I swung my legs off the cot, ignoring the dizziness that followed. “The rogues?”

“Gone. Scattered after I got there. But we caught one.”

I looked up. “Alive?”

“Yes, for now, I had them keep him alive for you,"

My vision darkened for a moment, but it wasn’t from the pain. “Take me to him.”

Thane hesitated. “Lucian, you’re not ready—”

“I said take me to him.” He must’ve seen something in my eyes then, because he didn’t argue again.

The rogue was tied to a post outside the healer’s den, barely conscious. His skin blistered from silver burns, his eyes wild with the kind of madness that came from drinking too much dark magic. He started thrashing the moment he saw me.

“Don’t kill me,” he rasped, voice raw. “Please, Alpha, I didn’t— I didn’t know what they gave us!”

I grabbed his jaw, forcing him to look at me. “Who sent you?”

He shook, pupils blown wide. “We were paid— told to inject you with the serum— to make you lose control.”

“What serum?”

“I don’t know its name,” he whimpered. “We got it from the eastern traders— witches, maybe— said it breaks the mind of any shifter it touches. Makes the wolf take over.”

My chest tightened. Breaks the mind.

I glanced at Thane. His expression was grim. “So it’s true then. They wanted to turn you feral.”

I turned back to the rogue. “Who ordered the hit?”

The man tried to speak, but his throat worked soundlessly. I smelled the faint tang of iron — a binding spell. Someone had sealed his tongue. I could torture him for hours, and it wouldn’t matter.

I released him with a disgusted shove. “Get rid of him.”

Thane gave a sharp nod and dragged the rogue away.

When the clearing was silent again, I stood there, staring at my hands. They were steady now, but my chest wasn’t. I could feel something pulsing under my skin — not rage, not yet, but something close.

And beneath it all, a single thought kept circling in my mind: Her.

I didn’t remember everything, but I remembered enough — her scent, the way she ran, the terror that flashed across her face when our eyes met.

I had done something. Something unforgivable.

“Lucian,” Thane called softly from behind me. “You need rest.”

I turned to him, expression cold. “Rest won’t fix this.”

He hesitated. “You don’t even know if she’s alive.”

“I’ll find her.”

His jaw flexed. “Why? You don’t owe her anything.”

I almost laughed — bitter, hollow. “You don’t understand. I can’t stop thinking about her. Every time I close my eyes, I see her face. Every time I breathe, I smell her scent. That venom… it did something. To me. To my wolf.”

Thane frowned. “You think it bonded you?”

“Maybe not bonded.” I looked down at my empty hands. “But connected. Like a mark I can’t erase.”

Thane didn’t answer. There wasn’t anything he could say that would make it make sense.

I looked toward the forest, where the moonlight spilled through the treeline. “Whoever sent those rogues — they wanted me broken. But they made a mistake.”

He raised a brow. “How?”

“They gave me a reason to hunt.”

Thane exhaled, resigned. “You’re going after her.”

I met his gaze. “I’m going after everything that ties to that night.”

He nodded once. “Then I’ll have the horses ready by dawn.”

As he walked off, I looked down again — at the faint bruises on my wrists, the cuts that refused to heal, the absence of the chain that should’ve been there.

That missing weight felt heavier than any wound.

And somewhere deep inside, under the silence and guilt, my wolf stirred at last — a low growl that rumbled through my bones.

He didn’t speak, but the message was clear.

Find her.

So I would.

Not because I remembered everything.

But because I needed to.

Because if I didn’t… I’d never be able to live with what I might have done.