Rejecting the Alpha

The pain of mating started as a pressure in my chest. It was sharp enough to make me pause mid breath, but light enough to be concealed. I subconsciously pressed my fingers lightly against my dress, as if I could hold my heart still by force.

“Steady,” my father said beside me.

I nodded, even though nothing about me felt steady.

I was re-experiencing the day before. It sounded impossible but I was. The hall was filled with laughter from girls my age. The open ceiling revealed the moon in its full glory, pale but watchful.

From my left, Arden nudged me.

“It’ll be you,” he whispered.

I smiled at him before looking back at the moon priestess. The Moon Priestess raised her hands, and the air shifted. I felt it immediately. My legs trembled beneath my dress. It was like something unseen slipping beneath my skin, searching beyond what the hall can see.

My breath stuttered. Something was wrapping itself around me. I could feel it everywhere. I moved my hands as if it could stop the pain. My wrists, my throat. My ribs were tightening as though I’ve been claimed from the inside out. Alas the light disappeared. That was the only part of this that I was told.

In the darkness. I could see what wrapped itself around me. It was silver and alive, curling around me like it’s always known me.

This was the exact way I’d felt yesterday. Yet the pain felt foreign. My heart swelled knowing I was going through all of this for someone who would kill me without thinking twice.

Darius approached me and my heart did the same twitch. Right before he opened his mouth to speak, I opened mine,

“Darius, I  Elara, refuse you as my mate”

 

Shock crossed his face as silence enveloped the hall. For one second, no one breathed. Nothing in the hall felt alive. Except for the bond that snapped in my chest.Pain shot through my ribs.

It was the unbearable pain that made me fall yesterday. But knowing your enemy indeed gives you a better chance of winning. Somehow I stood my ground.

 

Darius stared at me. His mouth was half open, the rejection words dying on his tongue and I felt light.

 

The shock on his face gradually turned into hurt. Real, raw hurt. Like I’d driven the arrow into him instead of him into me.  His jaw tightened as his eyes flickered. For a heartbeat he looked like the boy who taught me to ride when I was ten.

 

Then the mask slammed down.

 

“You dare,” he said in a low  and dangerous voice

 

“You dare refuse me?”

 

“I dare,” I answered.

 

Whispers exploded.

 

“Did she just?”

 

“She refused the Alpha?”

 

“She’s dead.”

 

I guess regardless of the situation, people would still talk.

 

Alpha Theron slammed his fist on the armrest. Wood splintered.

 

“Guards!” he roared. “Seize her. That’s treason.”

 

The guards ran out of the

 

I braced for it. For iron around my wrists. For the cell like yesterday.

 

“Stop.”

 

Darius’s voice cut through the hall.

 

“Let her be”

 

He walked down the three steps of the dais. The echo of his boot mirrored my heart. He stopped in front of me. Close enough that I could smell cedar and steel. The scent I used to love.

 

His eyes weren’t angry now, they looked like the eyes of a wounded dog.

 

“Elara..why?”

 

I lifted my chin. I tried to speak but before my mouth could move, my hands did. I hit him hard on the face.

 

“I have rejected you, what gives you the right to speak to me?

 

I couldn’t believe I’d just slapped Darius. His face glowed red under the shining moon light. The room gasped,

 

“Elara!”

 

My mother screamed my name from the crowd.

 

“Seize the traitor now!” His father yelled, veins popping on his forehead. I could hear the absurd beating of my heart in my ears. What if my whole family still ends up dead? Did I ruin my chance?

The guards moved to seize me. Darius turned to the guards. To his father. To the whole hall.

 

“I said let her be!”

 

“Darius!” His father cautioned in anger.

 

“Father, please let me handle this and punish the traitor as I see fit”

 

Alpha Theron shot to his feet. “Darius, she refused you in front of every pack. You will look weak..”

 

“Please”

 

He said still calm. Just what did he intend to do to me?

 

The guards lowered their spears and hands dropped from my arms.

 

Darius looked back at me. The hurt was still there, buried under ice.

 

“Go.”

 

My heart twisted. Yesterday he ordered my death. Yet he was letting me go now. He was suddenly the best friend I grew up with. Suddenly he was the little child I picked eggs with every morning. I didn’t wait for him to change his mind. I turned and walked out.

 

Every step felt wrong, I should have been dragged. Yet somehow I was walking out. For a minute, I could feel the weight of what only I knew on my shoulders. The hall parted for me, whispering as I left.

 

I could hear footsteps fast and heavy footsteps from behind me but I kept my eyes toward.  Immediately I stepped out of the hall, my mother called,

 

“Elara!”

 

The moonlight hit their faces and I could see the anger and confusion beneath them. My mother grabbed my arm.

 

“What have you done?”

 

My father’s voice was sharper.

 

“Do you know what you’ve done? Our house will be shamed. Darius could’ve had you executed—

”

 

“He could have,” I said quietly.

 

They stopped.

 

My mother’s eyes filled.

 

“Then why? Why would you throw everything away? He liked you. The pack liked you. This was your future”

 

“This was death,” I snapped. Louder than I meant to.

 

They both flinched suprised about the sudden raise of my voice. I lowered my voice feeling apologetic.

 

I wanted to tell them, I wanted to explain it to them without feeling crazy.

 

“I’m sorry. I did what was best for us” It was all I could say.

 

My father frown deepened

 

“Best? You humiliated yourself. You humiliated us.”

 

“I know,” I said. “But I’d rather be shamed than buried.”

 

My mother shook her head. “You’re not making sense. You’ve been off since morning. Are you sick?”

 

I wanted to tell them. About the arrows. About Arden falling and taking the arrows for me. But their eyes were clear. They had no memory of the first selection day. So I swallowed it down.

 

“I’m fine,” I said. “Just tired.”

 

“Fine?” My father laughed bitterly.

 

“You just declared war on the strongest Alpha in the territory and you’re fine?”

 

“It’s not war,” I said. “Not if I refuse first.”

 

“I really cannot deal with this!”

 

He walked out angrily and my mother followed behind. I was angry too. Darius was my first love, the only true friend I have ever hard. But if breaking him meant my  mother would remain alive, and then my father.

 

As I walked aimlessly past the bridge, I pressed my forehead to the cold glass. It hurt to see him hurt. To see that flicker of pain in his eyes when I rejected him. If it was just my life, I would have given it up.

 

I unpinned my hair letting the breeze blow it all over my face.

 

The moon was high up in the sky. Was Darius  probably still standing on that dais, feeling the bond bleed out?

 

As the bond in my chest tightened, I couldn’t explain the mix of emotions I felt. I hated the man I loved my whole life because of a day he doesn’t remember. Somewhere deep down, I hoped that wasn’t Darius.