CHAPTER 10

SERENA'S POV

The mere thought alone was enough to crush me from within. My sight blurring as both anger and severe identity crisis burned from within me.

I had initially thought… I had thought my life would be easier after marrying Eliot. I had thought I would be happy and content… that I would be safe and finally be free. He was the only reason I held on, gave my all… Eliot was the only good thing at the end of the dark tunnel called the family I was born into!

So, I gave it my all. Gave my very best to him and our marriage!

But now… now everything was falling apart… “What was even the point in trying so hard?” I whispered to myself,

What was the essence of my living and doing anything at all?! I shouldn’t have… I shouldn’t have to watch these people use me like I was some doll they bought with their money!

I don’t even have to put with them. At all!  

"I will confirm with the doctor when you will be getting your checkup but take the stuff I got you and even this weekly exercise schedule.” My mom continued, not once glancing at me as she spoke. If she did, maybe she would have seen my tear-stained cheeks and clenched fists.

But she didn’t. Just like all the other times I cried when I was younger. There was no point hoping she would act like a mother. No point. And so, I wiped my cheeks. My heart cold.

“I have to go now, Rena.” She finally said, picking her handbag. “Make sure you use all of these, and make me some grandbabies. Alright?”

I just turned to the bags, “See ya!" her heels sounded off after a moment. A rush of attendants coming in to pack her shopping bags after her. Until finally, I was alone.

Just me and the shopping bags that remained. Its contents, a total mockery to my earlier plans for today. “Figuring out my life…” I whispered the words, the very sound of it ejecting a laughter from me.

A sad laughter.

“This is so pathetic!” I choked, silently breaking down as tears left my eyes. “I am so pathetic. My entire life so… so pathetic and I’m sick of it!”

I’m so tired of feeling this way.

I’m tired of it…  which is why I need to change it.

“I need to change, and get my life back.” I said, letting the words sink in. “That’s right, I need to take my life back! From all of them. This is my life, and my decision. Everything is my decision”

But first, I had to protect myself. “I need to get my own stuff,” my hands went to my handbag just then, feeling out the notepad I had written on earlier. And just then, a sense of comfort filled me.

This was it.

Getting my own stuff meant figuring out what the hell I would do with myself cause they would cut me off. They will so cut me and make my life miserable since I wasn’t doing their bidding anymore. My father been the first.

“So, I need something they can’t touch. Can’t take away either, because it belongs to me and only me!” I sounded out, determination coursing through my veins the more I took it all in. And that was it.

I stood right there, the midst of unnecessary shopping bags and a lavish changing room, and there, I made a silent promise to myself. To choose myself from now on.

Me and only me.

But first, there was something I wanted to do. A celebration to myself for getting this far, and a punishment to Eliot for keeping his bitch to my house!

And what other way to do it, if not spend his money? “You are so going to be calling your bank, Jerk” I whispered to myself, smirking as I dug out a certain black card from my purse.

Eliot’s black card. Not mine.

Plus, I had the pin. Perks of his mom adoring me all these years.

He had to give me his card, to stop his mom from scolding him for not following me to a charity event a few months ago. And now… “He is so going to regret not taking this card back!” I scoffed loudly, and with that boost of courage I faced the door.

Matching my way out and into the first women’s section. “Hello, excuse me” I called an attendant. “I need everything you have on this section! Pack them up and this is my card.”

She blinked, not following. “Ma’am?”

But I just laughed, showing her my card. Eliot’s card, that is. “How much does this section cost? I want everything.”

“E-everything? Ma’am?”

“Do I have to pay right now or after I’m done picking out the other sections as well?” Her lips parted in shock at my words, and then, she took me seriously!

“Please this way, ma’am!”

And that was it. I moved, sections after sections.

Taking everything in my path, not caring whether or not I liked them. The main point wasn’t what I liked, but how much it cost. And how many debit alerts Eliot would get because of this!

The more outrageous the amounts the better!

Later on, I would have to create a new bank account for myself. One that won’t be linked to Eliot or my mom even!

It would be just mine. And there, I would wire a few thousands from Eliot’s card! “That’s what you get, jerk!” I spat under my breath, contentment pooling into my veins like hot lava.

I was just about to move onto the kiddies’ section to order some expensive shit to send over to a random orphanage. Since I was excessively spending money, I might as well do some good. But then, something caught my eyes.

A woman.

 With a swollen belly too, just standing there in the midst of colored tiny baby clothes. Totally confused on what to pick, I presume.

The sight alone was enough to both warm my heart and prick my core at the same time. A deep sadness overtaking my earlier contentedness as I remembered my incapability to have a belly as swollen as hers.

“Hmmm, that… that doesn’t look so good. The colors don’t look like they match at all.” I heard her mumbling to herself, several frown creases forming on her face as she stared at a seemingly selected pair.

Obviously, she was trying to pick out outfits but was having trouble combining the colors. It was both beautiful and funny at the same time.

So much that, I found my legs moving in her direction. Even before my brains could process what I was doing.

“Erm, hi!” I called out with a smile, careful not to startle her too much. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry for startling you. But I noticed you were having a little problem…”

She smiled bashfully at my words and I almost breathed an obvious sigh of relief. Thanking the heavens she didn’t take that the wrong way.

“It’s nothing, I just… the clothes… they’re just not matching!” she cried out, clearly overwhelmed. “They all look so cute but nothing seems to go together. Honestly, I’m terrible at this! I should’ve just let my aunt get them when she offered.”

I chuckled a bit at her words, glancing at her selected few. Spotting the different textures and color combos she had laid out.

A few knitted shorts, a floral-print top with ruffled sleeves, and a bright red hat that looked like it belonged in another universe entirely.

Everything looked cute and beautiful but was just combined wrongly. And so, “Can I?” I asked for permission, and she nodded eagerly.

“Yes, please!”

And so, I touched the baby clothes. Resisting the urge to hug them to my chest like I usually did, before moving further to get some other soft items from a nearby rack- a muted peach onesie, a dusty rose headband, and a white cardigan with tiny cloud prints along the trim.

“This softens the whole look,” I murmured quietly, laying the new items beside the others. Pairing them. “The tones play off each other now without feeling too loud. It’s gentler”

The lady blinked at the arrangements, her lips parting in surprise. “Oh my… this looks so beautiful. Like something off a baby catalog!”

I just smiled, chuckling as she gushed dramatically. “It’s just the colors… you just look at it and you will see it”

“Erm, no. You don’t just look and see THIS.” She argued, smiling brightly. “I’ve been here for so long and I couldn’t see what you just saw.”

Awwwn.

“You’re in fashion, right? You have to be!” she added,

“Oh no! I’m not,” I shook my head, smiling at how happy she seemed to be.

“You’re not? Then you should consider it!” she pressed, “You should definitely consider it!”

Oh.

Wow.

Now that had me silent for a moment. My previous endeavor quickly returning to my mind as the attendant I was with suddenly showed up.

“Err, excuse me. I have to go now,” I said to the lady.

“Thank you!” she called out, and I simply nodded with a small smile before leaving with the attendant. Her words echoing in my mind.

Fashion?

Me fashion?

How can I be good at fashion?

But luckily, I didn’t have to ponder on that much cause next thing I heard, “I think I might use some of your magic hands over here, Princess B”

Huh?

My steps came to a full halt at the sound of that voice. My eye quickly spotting him not too far from the kiddies’ section I just left.

“Axel?”

He smirked as I called his name. His stupidly smiling self and golden head, just casually treading towards me.  “Hello to you again, Princess Beckett”

“Wh-what are you here? And why are you coming from the kiddies’ section?” the question flew out, “You’re not… you’re not following me. Are you?”

His nose scrunched up at my suspicious tone. An automatic scoff leaving his lips, and loudly too. “Relax, will you? For all you know I have twins back home!”

Ha!

“Twins my foot!” I shot with an eyeroll,

“Oh hey! I’m not Eliot, you know.” He called back, “I’m really good, and strong… in the other room. You don’t believe me, let’s try it right now!”

What?

I just gaped at him, not knowing whether to slap him or just walk away from this big ball of absurdness. “You’re just crazy!”