CHAPTER 9

SERENA’S POV

“Where did you come out from?”

“It’s been barely 30 minutes since you called, and you’re already here.”

“Yeah mom, I was… around the area.” I responded, pausing to catch my breath for a bit. Not wanting to go into details of my very terrible driving on my way here. All because I didn't want her to leave.

But it worked! So, no harm done.

"What did you say you got for me?" I asked, changing the topic and scanning just how many shopping bags she had around her. "This... Is a lot! Why did you get so much stuff? You already have lots of clothes you don't even wear!"

"Excuse me?" She scoffed, dramatically uncrossing her legs and putting her glass of champagne down too. "This is nothing compared to what that unbearable woman at the mansion purchased today! She could've packed the entire shopping mall just to spite me. So, how can I let her? Just because she’s your father’s wife doesn’t mean i can’t be better than her! Whether or not I need It, I will get it! She can buy things, well so can I!"

I just stood, dumbfounded at her words. Taking in her overly dressed self in a red designer two-piece, with a skirt way too short for those white ankle strap heels she had on. Definitely not your usual wears when you think of going to the mall but yeah.

 That’s my mother ladies and gentlemen!

Always so competitive

 "She always wants to suppress people.” She continued in annoyance, “Looking down on me cause she got a stupid ring on her finger! Which of her child is married into a family as good as yours, huh?!"

“Ugh…” My features scrunched the more her words filled the air.

"At least my daughter is the reputable wife of the Beckett's! What right does she have to look down on me, huh?!"

I could only sigh in displeasure at this point, stepping deeper into the changing room knowing where this conversation was heading already.

 We've literally gone over this all my life. This constant comparison and arguments with Susan, my father's main wife. And really, I didn't want to hear it again today. Not after knowing my life wasn't as perfect as my mom seemed to think right now.

"That's enough, mom. Just let it go" I droned, moving the shopping bags that held my own stuff. She really did go overboard; I had like 25 to 30 shopping bags. Just for me, and hers were much more.

"What? What did you just say?" She burst out, standing to face me. "You should be on my side here, Serena! That woman is trying to suppress us! US not just me! I'm only trying to defend you here.”

"By purchasing all of these?" I asked, totally exasperated at this point. "How is you buying stuff I don't need or want currently, helping me? You just want to have a go at Aunt Susan, mom!"

She gasped dramatically, her small yet pretty features twisting to an ugly glare. Directed at me too.

"You foolish child!" she cussed, snapping at me. "If it weren't because you haven't birthed even ONE child yet, will I go shopping for you?! I walked through the halls, trying to find the best, sluttiest lingerie and bathing suites! Just for you! For you to seduce that man of yours!”

“I even went on to get lots of medicinal drinks that is good for the womb and easing pregnancy, what did you think I did all that for? Who do you think I did all that for if it isn't for you, Serena?!"

"How dare you call it ‘just shopping’. How dare you say I just want to pick a fight with that woman?!”

Her voice resounded everywhere. Echoing in my ears, so loud that all I could do was sigh in defeat. My shoulders sagging. Good thing we were currently in a private changing room and the walls were sound proof. Otherwise...

"Mom," I started, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way. I-i

"I don't want to hear it!" She cut me off, clearly mad now. "I don't want to hear any of it, Serena. It seems you've forgotten. You've become relaxed and forgotten just how we got here in the first place. How we are still here!"

"oh God..." I moaned silently, feeling an ache building up as she continued. Giving me yet another lecture of our lives.

"We are only here and we will continue to be here, unable to be thrown out or trampled upon as long as you stay married in the Beckett's family! It's how we've been able to stay alive and untouchable from that bloody witch of your father's! Or have you forgotten? You should take this seriously, Serena. Value it more than anything, otherwise we will have nothing. Your father will ensure we have nothing! We will have to beg around to eat, unable to have a roof over our heads, is that what you want? Is that it?!"

"Of course I don't want that, mom!" I cried out, "I don't want any of that. In fact... I hate this. All of this! I’m so sick of everything, mom!"

"Then have a child!” she yelled back, shouting over me. “Birth a child, Serena. This is more reason to have a child and secure your position before some woman comes out of nowhere and does that for you! What will happen to us then? What will your father do to us?!"

Oh God...

It has already happened, mom.

'It has already happened; you just don't know it!' I wanted to scream out, let the world hear it. So, I could be free of all of this! All of them and these... Stupid considerations!

But still, I remained silent. Not uttering a word of my grievances as mom continued dishing out instructions on how to retain my position. Her position. Cause really, this was all for, wasn't it?

All for her prestige and influence in the Mackwell family. In Susan's face.

"It's been too long already, Serena! I've given you so much time and yet you’ve done nothing with it.” She spat sharply, massaging her temples like saying all of these to me took her essence itself. Like it drained her. Which was so ironic, cause really between us both who was supposed to be exhausted?

Who was supposed to be fucking drained here?!

 “From now on, I'm taking matters into my own hands!” she announced, her tone final like I had no say whatsoever. “I already have the lingerie sets here, and you're going to wear them. I don't want to see any of these jeans you have on currently. I don’t want you wearing them ever again! You wear these lingerie all day, hear me? I don't care what you do, you're cooking, reading, laughing, sleeping, dancing, wear these lingerie and get that husband of yours to fuck you like a dog!"

Wow.

I just stood, disbelief over riding every other emotion I had going on inside of me. My eyes blinking away the tears and disappointment that slowly crept to my eyes as I watched her proudly checked the shopping bags. Confirming her orders I’m sure.

But really, how could she say that? To me, her own daughter. How could she… Why not turn me into a dog instead?!

That would be more satisfying, wouldn't It?

 At least then I wouldn't have to assimilate all of this, enough to hear that my own body and life wasn't even mine! That I didn't have a say in all of these that directly affected the entirety of my person!

Looking at it now... how was she any different from my father? What really is the difference?

Everyone wanted to make me do their bidding. Using their child, the child they made to get what they wanted!

Putting that same child in uncomfortable situations, not once caring for how the child felt while they were at it! All that mattered was that they got what they wanted. They had what they needed. But me?

I wasn't given any of that luxury.

Where did I even stand in all of it?

What did I even gain?!