Chapter 1

/Emily/

Beginning of June

Now

First, second, third, and fourth. I am concentrating to calm down my breathing. In, out, in, out, attempting to make the breaths longer so that they are more tortoise-like and less hare-like, which is how they feel right now because they are racing. My palms are sweating, which causes my hands to become glued to the steering wheel. It feels almost as if I'm working with clay on my pottery wheel.

Why am I feeling this way? It's not right of me. This is Noel, and he cherishes our relationship. How many times has he told me that I can tell him anything without fear of judgment? Perhaps there is some kind of link between us, like we are soul mates who happened to stumble across each other in this crazy, messed-up world that we both live in.

Even more than that, he enjoys it when I chat to him and reveal to him the inner workings of my mind and heart. Because all he has to look at in his own home is ugliness. Parents who argue with each other, including a father who is continuously putting him down and calling him names.

I am his safe place. It's just stunning.

It's kind of funny that out of all the billions of individuals in the entire planet, I managed to track him down. that he calls me his beautiful, which is a name that my father has traditionally given to my mother. Not in the same words, but my dear beautiful lady was how my father always referred to her.

My gorgeous lady. This is how I realized that Noel and I were destined to be together. It was a sign that I was meant to have a love that is just as genuine as the one my parents had. In the same way, I had the constant impression that their decision to adopt me was predetermined. She was always destined to be my mother.

When I go back to Noel uttering those words to me, my heart begins to slow down and relax. The sensation of his breath pressing against my ear. It felt like his arms were wrapping around mine. I need to remind myself that we love one another; therefore, I shouldn't be afraid to tell Noel that. What about the remainder of it? That gives me a knot in my stomach and a headache all at the same time. The old man is about to lose it.

As soon as I remove the keys from the ignition, I step out of the car and run my hands down the length of my red dress. It's the one I wore on the first time we went out together.

If the color red wasn't one of my favorites before, it most certainly is now. He had his fingers in my red hair, which everyone is shocked to see because my father is of Italian descent. On the other hand, it's not like I would look anything like him.

It felt like Noel and I had known one other for a very long time despite how rapidly we had become acquainted. Did he then know about it? Do you feel the pull that he described to me later on? Do you get the same feeling that your mother always talked about having when she was with your father? In the beginning, I hadn't. When I first saw Noel, I purposefully tried to feel nothing at all. Caring ached, and I had more pain than I could possibly bear at this point in my life.

Despite everything, I love him now. This is the main consideration.

Now I have red cheeks to go along with my red hair and red clothing. I had no idea that being flushed could be so damn seductive...

A portion of me wanted to make fun of him by laughing. What do you mean, really? How incompetent did he consider me to be? I could have laughed at the time because it was evident that his remarks were lines, but I chose to talk to him instead. Since then, things have not been the same in any way, shape, or form.

I crack a smile as I start walking in the direction of the house where his brother Edward shares. We never have to worry about running into him because he is never in town. Thank goodness for that! It's the ideal setting for Noel and I to get together here.

Before I even had a chance to knock on the door, it flings open on its own. Noel is present, as usual, with his blond hair in a disheveled state. He is only donning a pair of shorts and does not have a shirt on. Even after these last three months, the sight of his sculpted figure still gives me the chills. The undulations of his abs and the firmness of his arms. He puts forth a lot of effort in the gym.

"Hey, babe. It was about time that you arrived. Because Edward will be arriving home very soon, we won't have much longer to spend out together. ”

After he has finished pulling me inside, he immediately puts his mouth on mine. That menthol flavor with a hint of smoke is so identifiable. For as long as I can remember, I've had a strong aversion to smoking, which is why he chews on the mints. However, he is still a part of the blend. I am completely familiar with it. It's not that I really enjoy it, but I can recognize it easily enough. In addition to this, familiarity is essential.

Tell him, tell him, tell him. The words keep popping up in my mind. I make an effort to slam the door in their faces, but they are like his smoke; they float beneath the door and fill the room to the point that I am practically unable to breathe because of them. "Noel..." I hesitate for a moment before continuing. "Do you recall that I wanted to talk to you? I have... I want to tell you something important. ”

He gives me a grin before pushing me farther inside the home while his fingers are intertwined with mine. Please proceed into the living room. "Sorry, I just missed you. You are well aware of the allure that you hold for me.

My cheeks are starting to burn from the heat.

"Aha, you've found it. I really like that blush. ”

These words, in some inexplicable way, are the source of the bravery I require. He like the way I flush and the way I laugh. How many times has he assured me that he adores each and every aspect of who I am?

Love will make everything better.

"I..." I say to him, grabbing both of his hands because I need to be physically close to him and because I want to look him in the eyes whenever we communicate. "There is something really significant that I need to discuss with you. ”

He tilts his head slightly to the side while clenching his hands more tightly. "What exactly is it?" ”

"I'm..." Come on, Emily, get the words out. It's been several weeks since I first became aware of them, and at this point, I feel compelled to finally voice them. My hands start to shake, and for a moment I worry if he can feel it through the screen. It seems as though nothing can pass through my throat, not even my breath or words. They are unable to escape because of the fear that surrounds them. Do it! "I'm pregnant. ”

This statement manages to make the entire space feel far less airy. It's suddenly more difficult to take a breath. The increasingly firm hold that Noel's hands have on mine I regain my composure, feeling pleased with the way I'm coping with this situation. Before today, I spent the previous two days stressing out and weeping. I made a pact with myself that I wouldn't stress out when I informed Noel about it.

"Excuse me?

"I'm expecting...to have a child. The obvious answer is that it's a baby, but not just any baby—your it's baby and our kid. " I get closer to him, but he moves further away from me. I wrench my hand away and his hands slip out of my grasp.

"Emily, how the f*** did you become pregnant? There is no way in hell that it is mine. Every time we've been together, I've made sure to protect myself by using a condom. Every. Single. Time. " The way he speaks causes me to wince. They feel like a whip lacerating my skin at every point.

My eyes are watering, and the wrath that I feel is trying to obscure them. I can't believe Noel has the audacity to accuse me of doing anything like this. Then I think back to the stories he's shared with me, the fury that he deals with on a daily basis. I made a commitment to Noel that I wouldn't act in such a manner. That wouldn't be how we operate.

However, he gave the identical assurance to me as well.

When I focus my gaze on him, I see that his face is flushed and that he is making an angry expression with his jaw set and his arms crossed. Who is this, exactly? Noel has never yelled at me before. "I can't tell you... I can't tell you. But I'm pregnant. I swore to it. Even when they used a condom, some women still managed to get pregnant, according to the tales I've heard. Perhaps, for example, there was a hole in it. Noel, I wouldn't dream of lying to you about something like this. Never before have I been with anyone else besides you. Only you. You are aware of that. ”