CHAPTER FOUR

I quickly opened the door and stormed out, i couldn’t take how tempting everything was, I shyly walked to the bishop’s office.

Without saying a word, I placed the diary on his mahogany table , he looked at me and smiled.

“Ohh thank you child,” he said as my gaze lowered while trying to hide my flashed face.

“You look disturbed, are you alright?” The bishop asked as he searched my face with his gaze.

I shook my head.

“I am fine,” I replied and quickly turned, I walked to my room, the tingling sensation never went away, so did his voice, it rang and vibrated through my mind . He taunted me, yet apart of me wanted to listen to his voice even more.

I was lost in mind, I couldn’t sleep, because even when I did, he would appear, in my dreams, and touch me, like I yearned to, I woke up breath less.

My thighs moist, I burned, my heart raced against my rib cage.

I got up and knelt down, I tried to make a prayer, but he’d sown dirty seeds inside of me, they sprouted like a wild fire set ablaze.

The following day , I saw him, seated near the sacristy, everything inside of me urged me to go inside, to listen to him speak, maybe the fire would go out, maybe I’d be disgusted of him, I made up my mind, I went inside.

I hesitated before stepping inside, but I finally did, the wooden door creaked open,

I knew for sure that no one was here, no priest wanted to attend to him.

“Oh you came back,” he said, his voice made the hair all over my body stand.

“You are no priest,” he continued, I wondered how he’d known about me not being a priest.

“ It is so lonely inside there, that’s why you are here” He said. I remained silent, my throat ran dry.

All I wanted was for him not to stop talking.

“ That’s what I thought,” he mumbled.

“ I have seen you stare at me little nun, you eyes burn me sometimes,” He confesses.

I felt ashamed, I wanted to deny the allegations, yet I pretend not to hear him speak.

“ Do you ever wonder how it feels to be touched nun?” He asked d , I bite my lip while trying to hold my self in one piece.

“ Have you ever touched yourself?” He asked. Honestly I had never tried , it had never come to me to want to touch myself.

“ I can help you, it is the most heavenly feeling on earth, it melts your core down,” he explained .

“ If you aren’t going to say anything, I might as well go back to my confessions, so the girl , Diana,after I’d touched her, I unbuckled my trousers, I slid inside of her,” he groaned then he chuckled.

“ The thought of being inside of her , and the moment turns me on,” he said, then a silence followed, the I heard the flicker of a lighter.

He cleared his throat.

“ I explored her, our bodies made a sound as she continuously sat on me, her wet thighs made me shiver, she rode it well, in most cases, I take long to reach my full potential, but with her, I couldn’t help it,” he explained. The cigarette smoke went through the wooden barricades, I knew he was smoking.

“ It’s sad that you will never know that feeling,” he said, then he chuckled.

“ forgive me father, or nun for my sex escapades,”

He said as he stood up to go away, I watched his shadow through the hole.

Just that, was he already done , I didn’t realize I’d said it out loud.

“ just that,” I’d said, he stopped, then he sighed.

“ I do not have time to p**n tell, I am here to confess my sins, not to attend to a horny nun.” He walked away. I sat there feeling like dummy, he’d insulted me, my ego, I felt abused, humiliated, offended by his words, I wasn’t horny , I just loved listening to him, I can’t believe I am confessing to loving listening to him.

I stood up like a fool and walked with shame, exactly what I needed to keep my stupid mind off of him.

Yet it didn’t, at dusk, I lay in bed, his voice lingered on my mind, his whole body stamped on my mind as well.

I tried to sleep, in bed but I couldn’t, I tossed and turned through out the night, thinking about him. Maybe I should touch myself, I thought, maybe not.

Curiosity got the best of me, I got up, locked the door by turning the bolt. Then went back to the metallic small bed.

I raised my blanket, pulled my dress up, I could still feel the itch there, I touched myself , I was moist, I thought about him, as I did, I thought about his erect figure, imagined I was Diana, the girl in his story, I could feel the tension raise between my legs. My heart raced, small sweat beads formed on my forehead, my toes curled up underneath the blanket.

Small moans escaped my lips, then the church bell was rang and it jolted me back from my ecstasy, I was close, to something happening, yet I didn’t know what, all I needed was his touch. I angrily pulled off the pillow over my face. I let it an exasperated sigh as my eyes scanned the white ceiling for a savior, I noticed how much of crap I’d dragged myself into.

I fell asleep while imagining myself in his arms, the following morning, as I showered , I felt as though something had changed inside of me, something had clicked, for the first time, I minded what I was wearing, as I wore my black woolen robes, and looked at myself, I felt that it should be shorter than usual, I felt like underneath it, I should wear tights yet i detested tights before.

I looked at my hairy legs, and disgust is all I could feel while looking at them, he’d turned me into something I couldn’t realize, I looked at my hair, wavy, and black, maybe I should get some cuts in order to personalize my look.

I looked at the shaver in the bathroom, I made a decision, to shave my legs, I quickly put soap all over my legs, and sooner, my legs were as soft as of a little baby.

I was careful with how I dressed, I wanted a perfume, one that I’d never thought about.

I wanted a little paint on my lips, and nails, I felt completely changed.