45. Forgiveness

Issac was in the club sitting at the bar, sipping on his whiskey. The loud music was nothing but just a fading noise because the voices in his head were far too noisy for him to hear the music. 

Jasper's words kept racing through his mind. What he saw that night wasn't the truth. Jasper forcefully kissed her and instead of consoling Innessa, he ended up doubting her. And that wasn't the end of it. 

He rubbed a hand down his face recalling everything he had said to her. How he treated her. Threatened her. 

Her tears flashed in his head and all he felt was immense regret and guilt slowly clawing at his heart. 

After everything he did to her, she was still considerate and tried to make their marriage work but what had he done? He broke her heart and crushed her soul. 

Bastard. 

He was a bloody bastard. He needs to rot in hell for hurting his precious angel. He was the one who forced her to marry him and left no way out for her and he was the one who doubted her loyalty. Assumed shit in his head because he thought she didn't want to be with him. 

He recalled the things she said in the church. How much it must've hurt her to say those words out loud. To tarnish her character because he didn't believe her. 

The Innessa he knew loved her dignity the most. She was the most innocent and angelic person he had ever met and what had he done? Tainted her with his darkness. Yanked her into his sinful life. 

Innessa didn't deserve any of this. From the very beginning, he was being a bastard to her. Fooled her, lied to her, threatened her, and whatnot. 

She just took all the pain because he left her no choice where she could fight back. He was a bloody rascal. 

He chugged the whole drink down and glared down at the empty glass. His mind kept wandering to his cruel words. The things he called her. The way he blackmailed her. She didn't deserve any of that. Where she was trying to make their relationship work. He f*cked everything. Her tear-stricken face flashed in his mind and the sudden noise of the glass cracking filled his eyes. 

The bartender gasped as Issac stared down at his bloodied hand where a piece of glass shard was sticking into his skin. 

The warm blood dripped down his hand and he kept staring at the blood. 

The bartender stepped forward, held his hand, and took out the piece of shard. Pulling out a handkerchief he wrapped it around his hand tightly to stop the bleeding as he cleaned the counter. 

Issac stared dazed as the white cloth slowly turned red, the blood seeped into that cloth. He quietly placed the money on the counter and walked amongst the sweaty dancing bodies making his way out of the club. 

Walking into the alley he lit his cigarette and leaned against the wall sighing. The door in the corner banged open as some dudes stepped out from there and his eyes widened. This was the same place where Innessa came running into his arms for help. The first time he held her close and inhaled her sweet scent. The first time she clung to him and he warned Henry and his goons to f*ck off. 

Those were the good old days. He couldn't forget how she was shivering, the way her big ice-blue eyes pleaded with him to help her. 

He misses her so damn much. 

Dropping the edge of the cigarette on the floor he crushed it under his feet and ambled to his car. 

He roared the car to life and aimlessly drove to where his heart took him and half an hour later, he found himself climbing into her dorm through the window. 

His heart constricted in his chest before it started beating frantically at the sight of her curled up on the bed. She was hugging a pillow to her chest and was curled up like a baby. 

He tiptoed out of his shoes silently. He knew she didn't like shoes in her dorm, she always took them off near the door. He ambled closer as he slowly sat on the floor near her side. One of his hands rested on the floor while his other arm rested on his knee as he tilted his head watching her sleep. 

Beautiful. 

Her fluffy cheek was squished against the pillow. Her plump lips were parted as she took in small breaths. Her chest heaved up and down. She was only in a big shirt and panties. Her long beautiful unblemished legs were on full display but he couldn't bring himself to peel his eyes off her innocent face. 

Her gorgeous eyes were veiled away from him. The eyes he made cry so many times. 

In those longing seconds from the core of his heart Issac knew he didn't deserve her. Not by a far call. 

She was just so beautiful. So innocent and pure. Whereas he was ruthless, evil, and a sinner. They were polar apart and yet his demons craved her warmth. Her touch, her smile. Oh, how he wished to see her smile again. 

He wanted to reach out and hold her in his arms. His heart was bleeding but his pain was nothing compared to the pain he had caused her. Why was he such a piece of shit? He didn't deserve her and yet she was so nice to him. So loving. So soft. And what did he give her in return? Only heartache. 

Issac sat there staring at her silently. He wanted to hold her and beg for her forgiveness. He didn't even know if she'd ever forgive him or not. Heck, she'd ask for a divorce, she'd want to be free of him then what would he do? Just the thought of it made his heart constrict in his chest. 

He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Issac wanted to grow old with her but now everything seemed so far away and almost invisible, out of his reach. No matter how much he tried to grab it, it just kept slipping through his fingers. 

After an hour or so he pulled to his feet. He gently draped the comforter on her, covering her properly and making sure not to wake her in the process as he stepped to the window. 

Glancing at her one last time he stepped out of the window and climbed down before driving his car back to the mansion. He didn't have the heart to go back to the penthouse. 

Issac locked his door and dropped down on his bed as he stared at nothingness in the pitch-black darkness. 

He felt crushed to the point that he couldn't see a way out for himself. The only thing he could do was beg for her forgiveness but after everything he had done, he didn't know if she would ever forgive him. 

He left no stone unturned to make her hate him. Why was this happening to him? He knew he wasn't good to her and lied to her since the beginning but his feelings for her were genuine. He truly loves her. 

Only if she could forgive him. Even if he had to beg for her forgiveness his whole life. He'd do it. 

Innessa was wearing a sweetheart neck T-shirt that had puffy half sleeves with high-waist jeans. Her hair was open and she was wearing a bag on her shoulder as she made her way into the church on Friday morning. 

The girl knelt before the cross as she prayed to God for strength and good grades. Innessa was doing well. She was coping well with her emotions and her life; she was healing herself in peace and silence with God looking over her. 

She felt a presence beside her, a familiar cologne reached her nostrils. Her eyes flew wide as she looked at the person kneeling beside her and to her astonishment. He was none other than Issac. 

His presence didn't stun her as much as his kneeling, clasping his hands together with his eyes closed as he prayed to God. 

"I've made a grave mistake, God." He rasped slowly, opening his eyes and meeting her gaze. 

Innessa averted her gaze. Swallowing thickly, she pulled to her feet, grabbed her bag and walked out of the church not looking behind her even for once. 

She walked down the street and stepped into the cafe to buy her iced latte. Thanking the cashier, she grabbed her drink and stepped out only to find Issac waiting for her. Ignoring his existence, she tried to walk past him but he blocked her way. She tried to leave from his right but he blocked her way again. 

"Innessa," His voice was gentle as he said her name. 

The girl finally stopped and looked at him. He looked worn out. His beard was darker than the last time she saw him. Even his hair has gotten longer. His eyes looked tired. There was a gauze wrapped around his hand. 

"Can we talk?" He asked and her brows drew together. 

Talk about what? 

"About how you'll ruin my life?" She asked in a soft voice but her words were sharper than any sword. 

"No, I... I want to talk to you. It's something important," he said and her brows creased further. Issac never stammered, ever. 

"Since when did you start asking for my permission to talk to me? You always just drag me around, manhandle, and threaten me. So, why are you asking me now?" She said curtly. 

"Can you come with me to our home so we can talk?" He asked and her eyes narrowed in rage. 

"You're delusional if you think I'll go back there after you threw me out of your house," she said sharply and walked past him in quick steps not waiting for him and not wanting him to come after her. 

After her classes, she hurried to the restaurant for her shift. She didn't want to stay back at the academy because Issac was acting weird. The girl has no strength to confront him anymore. She was done with his threats. He just wants to torment her and won't leave her alone. 

Innessa got busy taking orders and serving the meal to the customers with a bright smile on her face. The hectic work helped divert her mind from Issac. After work, she was resting in the staffroom as other staff members closed the place. 

She got a call from her father and a bright smile donned her lips as she talked to them while smiling. She told them her grades and how her last project got an A+. Her mother complained to her how her father wasn't taking his meds and Innessa playfully scolded him. She felt refreshed after talking to her parents. The girl changed out of her uniform into her clothes and ambled out of the restaurant saying her goodbyes to her colleagues. 

As soon as she stepped out, the girl stiffened seeing the familiar person leaning against his car with his arms crossed over his chest. Upon noticing her he hurried over to her. Innessa was stiff as a board as she stared at him in caution. 

"W... Why are you following me?" Her voice was small and scared as she held the strap of her bag tightly. 

"I was waiting for you. Can we talk?" He asked as she frowned. 

"Fine, talk," she said sharply and he raked his fingers through his hair. 

"Not here," Issac said as he opened the door of his car for her. 

"I'm not going anywhere with you," she said calmly. 

"Just this once, I will not bother you after this," he said. 

Innessa contemplated. The worst he could do was threaten her again. But if she listened to him this once he won't bother her again. 

"You will not manhandle me. Promise me. And you'll drop me back safely," she said and he nodded. 

"I promise, you've my word," he said, opening the door for her again. Innessa silently got into the car. Her heart was beating wildly but she took the risk. 

Issac put the car to drive as he headed down the highway and then took the rough pathway into the woods. 

"Where are you taking me?" She asked as panic started to build in. Issac stopped the car on the rough road and stepped out of the car. She noticed that they were on a hill and the view in front of her was magnificent. The city looked so beautiful with those sparkling lights. 

She stepped out of the car as she faced him. Issac was staring at the city in silence as the cold breeze swept past them, gently ruffling his hair. 

Issac faced her and for a couple of seconds, they were pulled into a trance as their gaze was locked. 

Innessa was the first to avert her gaze as she tucked her strand behind her ear. 

"I... I know I lied to you. I know I fooled you and I was an absolute bastard towards you. I doubted you when you needed me the most. I... I..." He swallowed thickly. His Adam's Apple bobbed up and down as he looked at her with those cognac-brown eyes that were full of sadness. 

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice heavy with emotions as she blinked at him in sheer silence. 

"I'm sorry for not trusting you. I'm sorry for telling you to leave. I'm sorry. I... I know you didn't cheat on me. I know you're innocent. I'm so sorry, Innessa." He rasped, his thick voice breaking in the end as he looked at her helplessly. 

Innessa didn't move nor did she say a word as she stood there like a robot watching him without an ounce of expression on her face. 

"You didn't cheat on me. Jasper forcefully tried to kiss you. I... I'm sorry for hurting you, precious." He said stepping closer to hold her hands but she raised her hand stopping him from stepping closer. 

"Don't call me that. You've no right. So now that Jasper has told you the truth you believe him but you never believed me," Her voice was calm and gentle as she looked him dead in the eyes. 

"I know I made a grave mistake, Innessa. You can hit me, please you can hurt me. J... Just forgive me. Give me one chance to win you over I swear I'll never hurt you again-" His eyes were misty as he was saying that but she cut him off with a soft humorless chuckle which was void of any emotion. 

Issac watched her in the stillness of the silence. 

"You think sorry can change anything, Issac." Her voice was small. 

"I know I f*cked up, Innessa. I'm so sorry. Please, just give me one chance-" 

"There's no space for a chance. We are far too gone from the place of making amendments," she said. 

"I've done nothing but give you chances all this time but not anymore. I'm done. No sorry would change my mind," She was firm on her words. 

The woman he loved wasn't this cold. She was soft and fragile with the kindest heart but what had he done to her? 

"Please, Innessa. I know I shouldn't have hurt you like this. I was stupid. I thought you wanted divorce from me, that's why you did it but I was wrong. I know I should've trusted you. I should've listened to you-" 

"You didn't trust me, Issac. The man I fell in love with, the man who is my husband, didn't trust me. So, what was left of our relationship Issac? Nothing. You doubted my character. You threatened me multiple times. Manhandling me and whatnot. Tsk," She shook her head rubbing her temple. 

"This conversation is a lost cause. Kindly drop me at the dormitory. I want to leave," she said softly as Issac stepped closer and held her hands in his big warm ones. She tried to pull her hand out of his grasp but he didn't let go. 

"I promise I won't hurt you ever again. Please, I just want your forgiveness, Innessa. I know I'm not an ideal man for you but I love you. I love you so much. My love for you isn't a lie," he said with tears brimming his eyes as he tried his best not to cry. 

She jerked her hands out of his grasp glaring at him. "If you loved me, you would've never called me a whore," She gritted and he felt his heart splitting open at her words as guilt struck him with full force. He had hurt her so much. What the f*ck has he done. 

"I... I know I don't deserve your love. I don't deserve you but I don't want to lose you, please," He sounded so desperate as tears trickled down his cheeks. 

She clenched her jaw and remained stoic. 

"You've lost me that night when you doubted my loyalty and called me a whore." She stepped closer, poking her index finger on his chest. 

"You buried the girl who wanted to make things work. Even if I forgive you, I can never forget, Issac. I begged you; I swore that I didn't cheat on you but you didn't believe me. Y... You threatened me with a gun. You frightened me, I had nightmares of that night, how could you Issac? How could you!" She sobbed as tears streamed down her cheeks. Her armor broke as she collapsed but before she could fall to her knees he caught her, wrapping his arms around her waist as he held her onto his lap on the ground. 

"I've given you so many chances. You forcefully married me and still, I tried to give you a chance but you're a monster. You just kept on hurting me. I'm done. I'm not forgiving you. I don't want to be anywhere near you. You've hurt me enough. I not letting you into my life again," she said sharply, wiping her tears as she jerked his arms away and got to her feet glaring at him. 

"You should've thought about the consequences before hurting me. You're so consumed by the mindset of having whatever you want that you completely neglected how much you've hurt me to keep me by your side. I don't care how much you cry or beg for my forgiveness. I will not forgive you because in the end, I'm not a God. And only God is the most forgiving," she said angrily. Harshly wiping the tear that trickled down her cheek. 

He watched as she stomped down the rugged road. Pulling to his feet he wiped his face of tears and jogged after her. Grabbing her arm, he stopped her. She tried to free herself but his hold was strong as he didn't let go. He dragged her to the car as she struggled and tried to free herself. Opening the door, he made her sit in the passenger's seat. "I'll drop you," he said curtly. His voice was thick and deep with all that crying. 

He sniffed, taking the driver's seat as he put the car to drive. Controlling his emotions. 

He headed back to the dormitory and the whole ride was filled with silence except for their cute sniffling that followed after crying. 

Issac pulled over the car at the dormitory but the door was still locked as she took off the belt and waited for him to unlock the door. 

"I know I've hurt you and you can't forgive me. But I'm not giving up on us. You see," he said leaning against the wheel as his arms were resting on it as he faced her. 

She looked at him and their eyes locked. 

"I'm in love with you. You're the only person for me. If it meant asking for your forgiveness for the rest of my life, I'll gladly do that. But I can't give up on us. I don't want anything from you. I'll win you over and that's a promise," He rasped as his eyes softened while looking at her. 

She inhaled sharply. "Don't make promises to yourself that you won't be able to keep," Her voice was stern as Issac smiled sadly. He unlocked the door as the girl stepped out of his car, closing the door behind her. 

He watched as she disappeared into the building without looking back at him even once. Issac sighed, resting his forehead on the wheel. 

"I'll win you over. I have to. Because there's no Issac without Innessa," He rasped.