I don’t hate you

Mirellas POV

Immediately I walk through the door I find Tessa already waiting for me.

“Finally!” She ran towards me, her face riddled with worry as she inspects my face and my body.

“Tessa, What are you doing here?, how’d you get in?” I asked tiredly, I was too weak to show my surprise.

“Andreas called to let me in, he called me on my way here and asked me, well ordered me to check on you.” She said absentmindedly as she kept inspecting me.

“Andreas, Called you, why?” I asked as something small and almost unnoticeable blossomed at the pit of my stomach.

“Why?, Why?!” Her voices going higher, “the whole city of belgrave knows why mirella…what were you thinking, how dare Nikolai not stand up for you, how dare she lay a hand on you! If I ever catch that bitch, her disgustingly pretty face would be not so pretty” Tessa raves on, but the only thing I picked out of it was.

“Andreas saw it..?” I mean I knew he was bound to see it but.. I wasn’t ready for that reality. How was I going to look him in the eye. The man who broke my heart and kicked me out on the streets in the pouring rain, I ran back to beg for him to take him back and was brutally embarrassed on live television, the exhaustion hits me harder.

“Out of all the things I said, that the only thing you heard?” She crosses her arms at me. “My gosh, look at you, your pretty eyes are all swollen, look how red they are, you’re too good for that asshole, mirella, we could hire some people to beat him up if that’ll make you feel better.” She pitches in an effort to console me as she gently rubbed my back.

I smile tiredly at her. “Thank you Tessa, really… thank you.” She smiles back at me.

Tessa is a ball of energy, a free spirit as she calls herself, we’ve been best friends since high school, she’d always rooted for me and Andreas but I never saw what she saw.

“Cmon let’s draw you a bath, and then I’m ordering us a pizza. both of you need to relax, mommy can’t be stressed or else the baby will be stressed, and that’s not happening on Aunty Tessa’s watch.” She quickly made her way to my room to get started.

I got my phone and pulled up Andreas contact, in an attempt to text him.

Me: hi, Tessa told me you uhm, called—

I cleared it. And made another attempt.

Me: did you see the live—

I cleared it up again and groaned in frustration, of course he’s seen it mirella, that’s a stupid question.

 

Me: hi, thank you for calling Tessa, and also when will you be coming back, I’m not trying to be nosy, I just would like to know, but you don’t have to tell me, it’s not an obligation if you don’t feel comfortable it’s fine.

And with that I clicked on send.

Immediately the three dots popped up on the screen, indicating he was replying.

Andreas: of course, I’ll be home by 4:00pm mirella.

And someone his reply made me immediately envision him calling my name..

I turned off my phone and rushed to join Tessa.

It’s been about 3 hours since then, Tessa left after we devoured our pizza, watched a classic romantic tragedy and cried our eyes out, now it was just me in my comfortable spaghetti strap silk nightgown that stopped in the middle on my thighs, I had thrown it on before the movie. my heartbreak still felt stingingly fresh.

Then I heard a car pull up, Andreas was back. I absentmindedly jumped up in excitement, wait why was I this excited her was home, it’s probably due to the loneliness. Despite us living together for a month, Andreas was heavily distant, she wouldn’t talk to me unless he had to, couldn’t look me in the eye unless he had to and would just give me short replies or one worded answers, I mean I knew he didn’t like me and I already suggested I leave because I didn’t want to be an inconvenience, but he blatantly refused or would just ignore me.

He walked through the door, his cologne wafting through the air.

I dreaded him confronting me about the live broadcast.

“Welcome.” I said with a small smile as I peeled at my fingers nervously.

“Thank you.” He said as he peeled off his jacket.

“So how, how was your day?” My nervousness leaking through my voice.

“Good.” He said curtly as he draped the jacket over his arm. His eyes not meeting mine once. He wasn’t asking, I didn’t know if I should be greatful or hurt, somehow hurt was the answer. But I pushed further.

“How w, was the drive?” 

“Good.” He said as he was about to make his way upstairs.

“Why won’t you look at me.” That stopped him in his tracks. “I di-didn’t mean it like that, I mean why won’t you look me in the eyes, why won’t you ask me any what happened today? Why do you hate me?” I clenched my fists trying to steady myself. He grips the railing of the stairs, his back to me.

Then he slowly turns to me, his eyes finally meet mine, unreadable for a moment, the air between us feels thick.

“Mirella,” he says my name slowly, his voice low, rough at the edges and something about it makes my chest tighten.

I swallow hard. “You saw it, didn’t you?”

“Yes” he admits as he slowly made his way to me. “I saw everything.”

The room suddenly felt too small, the closer he got to me the more my heart pounded against my ribs.

“Then say something.” I urge him.

“What do you want me to say.” His tone strained. As he took a step each time he uttered a sentence. “That he doesn’t deserve you?, that I want to tear his head off with my fucking bare hands?, that he doesn’t see how precious what’s in front on him is?, that you’re too beautiful to subject yourself to a dog like him” 

That silences me, my breath catches, he’s close enough now that I can smell his cologne wrapping around me.

His gaze flickers, from my eyes, down to my lips, and they stayed there for a moment, until they flicked away again, his hand forming a fist, like he was fighting himself.

Neither of us moves. The silence stretches, I can feel the heat of him without him touching me.

“Mirella….” His voice low again. “You should rest.”

I nod but I don’t move, neither does he.

His eyes dropped once more but to my nightgown, this time lingering for a moment.

Like he was fighting to hold onto restraint, he steps back, just enough to breathe. 

“I booked a doctors appointment for you, I will take you, we need to start taking good care of you and the baby.”

I nodded again, still too stunned to speak.

“Goodnight” he says finally, his voice tougher than before.

“Goodnight Andreas.” I whisper.

He turns away, climbing the stairs slowly. Before disappearing down the hall, he turns.

“I don’t hate you, bambolina, it’s very far from it.”