Tears Of Devotion

My head pounds as I hang upside down in this small space, blood rushing to my head. Glass shards can be seen strewn about me, some of which are entangled in my hair and bloody clothes. I put my hands on my chest and pull on the seatbelt across it in an effort to release the pressure. I can hear shouts in the distance, as well as a siren approaching. I try to crawl out of the cramped confines, but I come to a halt as a pain-filled cry leaves my chest, tears streaming down my face. Dizzying black stars erupt in my eyesight, causing me to close my eyes in the hopes of stopping the nausea. The loud wailing sound of a siren approaches, exacerbating the pain in my head. As I hear footsteps coming, I close my eyes and fall off into the comfort of the darkness.

I jolted off the bed, gasping for air, a drip of sweat pouring down my brow. When are these nightmares going to end? Not any time soon apparently, I've only been having them now for what... 4 years. I enter my small white and mint green bathroom, taking a big anxious breath and splashing some cold water on my face. My thick silky brown waves cascading across my shoulders to rest just under my rib cage, dull green eyes, and soft pale skin staring back at me in the mirror. I examine my bare shoulders and arms in the mirror, where the ugly scars stand out sharply against the smooth skin. 

I raise my hand up to my right arm. My fingers follow the angry pink long markings down to my elbow, tracing over them on my forearm. Moving over to my dresser I grab some clothes out that I know will cover up most of the angry scars on my skin.

I grabbed a white puffed sleeve shirt and put it on, then I wore it with light green trousers and a pastel pink chunky cardigan to conceal my scars, making me feel slightly more at ease.

Grabbing my toothbrush, I start to brush my teeth, whilst applying a light amount of mascara at the same time. What it's saving me time okay? Finishing up I look myself in the mirror once more pulling the pastel pink cardigan over my shoulder to cover a scar that's peaking out.

I pick up my rucksack from the floor after noticing the time on my alarm clock in my room and proceed through the apartment, picking up an apple along the way for breakfast, savouring the fruity taste, as the juice hits my tongue. Humming a song quietly under my breath I swing my rucksack over my shoulder, grabbing the keys off the table before skipping over to the door of my small apartment. 

Making my way out of my apartment I open the door to the main building letting the cool summer breeze wash over me. I observe the people who walk and drive past as I make my way down the walkway to the bakery where I work. Stopping at a large bush to the right of me, I observe the pretty small flowers. A mix between blue and purple. Plucking one gently from the bush I push it into my hair, tucking the strands behind my ear to lock the flower into place. Smiling I hum a song under my breath again, as I carry on with my walk. I cross the street toward the nearby, well-known white and pastel pink building while carefully checking the passing cars. Once I'm safely on the opposite side of the road, only then does my heart rate begin to slow, as a breath of relief escapes me.

As I go into the little bakery, the sweet aroma of cakes and pastries greets me, putting a smile on my face. I've always enjoyed baking. Cakes, pastries anything. I love it. I suppose I get that from my mother. I haven't spoken to my parents as frequently as we used to since moving here. I miss them.

"Hey Ilaria," my friend Abbey chirpily exclaims as she pulls me into a tight embrace as soon as I get through the glass doors of the building.

I giggle as I securely hug her and rock her side to side, before then letting her go.

"Hi, Abbey. How are you today?" I cheerfully respond, as she follows after me round the back. Grabbing a cream apron, I cinch it around my waist and proceed to collect a couple cakes and place them in the glass jars out front. Abbey grabs the last one before I can even reach for it, and takes a big bite, which causes me to gape at her. I only just finished decorating them last night and let me tell you. They were masterpieces.

I spent hours last night working my way into the early hours of the morning. Is it classed morning at like 2am? Anyway. A chocolate cupcake, with some pastel pink buttercream icing and a chocolate drizzle, because I mean who doesn't like chocolate. And lastly... a chocolate strawberry. And now.... one has just gone and been destroyed by my best friend's mouth.  

"What? I haven't had my breakfast yet." She shrugs innocently, and quickly consumes the remaining cupcake.

"You haven't? If you had asked, I could have bought something for you." I said worryingly. You've probably heard that breakfast is the most crucial meal of the day. Well, I stand by that.

"And that's our innocent little sparkling gem for you." a familiar male voice says from behind us, the sound of the door shutting behind me.

"Hi Lucas!" I exclaim joyfully, running into his arms, both of us wrapped up in tight hugs. I rest my head on his chest, my head only just reaching his armpits. Yes, I'm small what about it? 

People are staring at us with a familiar expression from a few tables away. Why do people do this? They watch me having fun with a guy and believe we're dating or something. Dating.... Yeah, like anyone would want to date me anyway. Especially.... Yeah.

"What took you so long anyway?" Abbey grumbled, wiping down a table that someone had finished using. Coffee stains disappearing in one swipe.

"I'll give you some advice. Don't start an argument with someone that can type faster than you." Lucas replied, unwrapping me from his warm hug. I roll my eyes at him letting a small giggle escape me, before reaching for the glass cover by the till and filling it with additional cakes and pastries.

"One word... No two words... my sister." He says slumping against the counter, a tired breath escaping his chest.

"But isn't she like nine?" Abbey asked, giving him an are you serious look, crossing her arms over her chest, one of her eyebrows raised towards the ceiling. How do people do that? I try to move one of my eyebrows, but I was probably pulling a weird face from the way Abbey is looking at me. Her head shaking with an amused smile. 

"Hey, she can be vicious." Lucas exclaimed, trying to reach for another one of my chocolate cupcake's next to me. Slapping his hand, I watch him flinch before looking at me wide eyed.

"What was that for?" Lucas exclaimed, rubbing the back of his hand grumbling under his breath. What a baby, really Lucas?

"You want a cupcake; you have to pay for the cupcake." I say moving the chocolate cakes away from Lucas' vicinity. I've worked so hard on these; these are my babies.

"I knew there was a vicious girl under that cheerful innocent facade." Lucas exclaims, getting a slap on the back of the head from Abbey, earning a chuckle from me.

"What is wrong with you women!" He screams.

"Move, you're holding up my customers." Abbey replied as she shoved Lucas towards several tables in the corner, his tall frame stumbling as he trips over a few chairs in a rush to keep upright with Abbey's pushing.

Abbey approaches me, throwing her arm around me and giving me a serious look, making my smile drop immediately.

"How have you been sleeping?" She asks, taking me away from Lucas' perceptive ears. It's not like he doesn't know, he's practically helped me through my hellish past.

"I'm ok. Really." I say this in an attempt to sound reassuring, I try my best to smile , but I can still see the doubt in her eyes.

"Would you tell us if...?" Abbey's words trailed off. I give her a nod and she returns my smile before serving a few customers.

If only she knew that the nightmares had returned. If she only knew how terrified, I was every time I left the house. If only she knew how disgusted I was at myself. If only she understood that behind my bright smiles lies a dark sad mind and heart, and I need someone to save me.... Please.