Five: Dear Theo
Dear Theo,
I really don't know what's the point of this ... but here goes ...
I love you ... I'm obsessed with you ... I'm crazy for you ...
There ... I said it, and it feels really good
Now you know. Although you don't know who I am, that's beside the point.
I'm doing this for me.
I've been holding on to these feelings for you and I'm tired because I know nothing is ever going to happen between you and me. Ever.
I realize even though we sometimes feel so deeply about someone, it doesn't mean the feelings will be returned. It sucks and I'm learning how to accept that. So thank you for the lesson. I hope someday I will find someone that I feel this way about and he feels the same about me too. How wonderful would that be?
I guess this is my confession letter and also my goodbye. It's been a long and wonderful journey of unrequited love for me. I don't think a guy like you would ever know how it feels but when you do, I hope it'll make you think of me.
You are special to me, you will always be special, and I'm sure I will never forget you and how you made me feel.
XOXO
She rewritten it 6 times before she finally wrote it on her favorite pink notepad, stuck a flower sticker on it, and sealed it in an envelope. She kept it in her drawer. She thought she will give herself time to change her mind before Valentine's day. If she decides to submit it, she will do it secretly, no one should ever know about it.
It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She threw herself back on her bed and finally have the rest of the night to stroll on Lee's Tik-Tok account.
He's got over 10 thousand followers on Tik-Tok and thousands of likes on each of his posts. It was very impressive.
He's a huge BTS fan, he danced to all of their choreography by heart. Most of his posts were side-by-side frames of himself dancing to BTS songs next to it. He nailed all the moves almost as if he was the 8th member of the group.
He danced to other artists from Michael Jackson to Justin Bieber. It was obvious he was really invested in his dancing, it was embedded in his soul. And it was something Hazel found really attractive when someone is really good at doing what they love the most.
"Are you stalking on Lee's Tik-Tok?" A text from Jan came.
"I'm liking his posts ... he's really good."
"Ikr? You should see his abs (Tongue Out Emoji)"
"Where?"
"You'll see it ... wait ..."
Jan went offline for about a minute and then she sent a l**k to Lee's post.
"Thank me later ... go to bed! See you tomorrow."
"K ... bye."
She clicked on the l**k Jan sent her. Lee was dancing to a Billie Eilish song and he lifted his shirt a few times. She covered her mouth and rolled over the bed.
"Oh ... my God ..." she muttered to herself.
She could see his abs peeking behind his shirt. She giggled under the blanket. Before she knew it, she found herself watching the post over and over again. Then she gasped, will he know how many times she watched his post?
She closed the app, put her phone on the side table, and turned off her lights. Right before she closed her eyes, she thought to herself, she couldn't wait to see him practice after school.
She fidgeted on her seat in the last class of the day. The day couldn't drag on even longer when she looked out the window and saw Theo and Peyton K.I.S.S.I.N.G. under the tree. She looked away.
She bolted out of the classroom when the bell rang, put all her books in her locker, and waited for Jan. She kept glancing at the clock even though she still has time.
"What's taking you so long?" she snapped at Jan when she finally showed up.
"Whoa ... hold your unicorn, Princess, I'm guessing you've binged watched his abs last night before bed?" she laughed at her.
Hazel rolled her eyes, "Yeah ... but that's not why ... I don't wanna be late."
"We're not late ... it's a longer practice today, they're not using the court for basketball, so just the dancers ... you'll have plenty of time to look at other abs than Theo's."
She ignored that comment completely and dragged Jan to the sports hall. When they arrived, the dancers were already in their formation to start their first routine.
Lee was wearing dark grey hip-hop dance pants, an oversized T-shirt, and a denim jacket. He put on a large black bandana over his head, it seemed he was more comfortable keeping his hair back when he dances.
He was already focused on his performance, she thought, he didn't know she was there. As if he could hear her thoughts, he looked in her direction and immediately met her gaze. A wide smile bloomed across his face, he raised an eyebrow and winked at her right before the music started.
The moment the routine started, everyone in the hall was screaming in excitement. He was definitely popular among the dance enthusiasts, he was the star dancer. He will be one of the 7 star dancers at the upcoming sports tournament. The other 6 were top dancers from other schools. In a few days, he will have to go to another school for joint rehearsals with the other dancers, but for the next few days, Hazel knew exactly where she will be after school hours.
He doesn't speak a single word of Korean, even though he was half Korean. Ever since his mother died there was no one who speaks Korean at home. His stepmother was French, so he knew a little bit of French.He danced to the number one Korean boy band without understanding a single word of the lyrics, except for the English parts. He said dancing didn't need an understanding of words but the emotions from the music. It was true for a lot of things.They followed each other on Instagram, he has around 5000 followers there and quite actively posted his dances in there too. While she has less than 300 followers, most of them were school friends and family.Most of her posts were selfies and wefies with Jan, sometimes she posted her journal entries in a blur, and also her favorit
At the end of Valentine's day, all the letters were distributed to their recipients. Most kids received at least one. Everyone made a pact with their best friends that they would send each other something.Theo got a whole bowl to himself. The committee even let him bring home the bowl as a bonus because his letters couldn't fit the largest envelope that was available. He was cheered along the corridor holding the large bowl in his hand.She wondered if he'll even bother to read them later because there were so many.Surprisingly, she got four letters herself. She tucked them into her backpack to read them later after dinner when she usually spends the rest of the day alone in her room.Lee was already gone to rehea
"How's school today?" her mom asked at dinner time the next day.She shrugged, "Fine," she answered almost simultaneously with Max.There was nothing eventful for her except spending the whole day with Jan celebrating her new relationship status with Kyle. He finally confessed to her and asked her if she wanted to be his girlfriend on Valentine's Day. How romantic.There's not much she could say about her own Valentine's Day. That last note she received was occupying her mind, but no one was sending her signals or trying to approach her about it. It was anonymous, it will probably stay anonymous. She didn't want to think about it too much."I have a surprise for you, actually," her dad said as he wiped his mouth wit
She spent the whole day trying on outfits to go to Lee's dance party. Fixed her hair in all the ways she could think of while Jan watched from the other end of their video call."Does this look okay?" she held a pink top over a white mini skirt she had sworn to never wear only a year ago. It was the sixth set of clothes she tried to mix and match.Jan grunted, "That looks adorable ... if you were going out for ice cream in the daytime ... it's a dance studio, everyone's gonna be wearing black, you don't want to be the odd one out.""Are you sure? Black? My first choice was black?""I know, I told you it was fine but you went through your whole closet anyway ... I think black is the way to go."
They grabbed something to eat at a Burrito place not far from the studio. It all felt very casual and not at all felt like a date. They were just two friends hanging out on Saturday night because they both didn't have anything else to do, no one else to hang out with.When they arrived at the dance studio, the day was already dark. He took his large backpack from the back of the car, he brought at least three sets of clothes for changing, knee pads, elbow pads, extra socks, shoes. She never realizes that being a dancer was similar to being an athlete.The entrance of the studio was like a gym, they went through a narrow corridor all the way to the back and went into a double door where the dance hall was. It was a wide room, it was maybe half the size of the whole floor of the building, the walls were lined with mirrors.
Hazel being picked up by a boy they never heard about became a family event.Her mom asked Max to search him up on his social media and ended up spending the whole night stalking Lee's Instagram account. They watched all his stories which led them to his Tik-Tok account. Her mom downloaded Tik-Tok, created a fake account just to follow him.Her dad was still annoyed by the fact Lee was wearing hoop earrings, but then they watched BTS video clips and found out all of the members were wearing them. And from their stalking session, they concluded that Lee's favorite BTS was JungKook, which was accurate, he imitated how he dressed a lot."This is just sad," Max complained. "Leave them alone, maybe they're just friends ... she never mentioned anything about him before."
It was the opening day of The Annual Chestnut High School Sports Tournament. The day all high school students in Chestnut had been preparing for the past two months. It was held at Fairview High, the only school that had an adult size soccer field in town.The soccer team was getting ready in the locker room. Soccer was the opening match for the whole tournament that will take place in one week's time. So everyone involved was gathered in the arena that day for both the opening ceremony and the match.The marching band, the cheerleaders, the dancers, the whole lot were packed at the lower ground of the arena waiting for their turn to go out. The dance team was getting ready in the hallway in front of the locker room. They were all part of the opening ceremony and they were going first.
They took the bus back to Lee's house. He wasn't allowed to drive his dad's car to school. He was only allowed to drive his mom's SUV when he needed to pick up his little sister at the daycare or otherwise it was the bus, or the bike, or the foot.When they arrived at his house which was literally 5 minutes away from hers, she was amazed. His house was huge, it was a mansion."My dad's an architect," he explained looking at Hazel's bewilderment."Wow ... this is so cool ... I mean ... I've never been to a house this big before, Theo's house is big with a pool and everything but ... do you have an elevator? Or a bunker?" she looked up to the ceiling that seemed far out of reach of her eyesight."How many people live here? Do you h