Not Hate

“You really are naive, aren’t you?” Those words make Anna flinch, and another bad memory resurfaces. “Love you? You are so naive,” Anna shakes her head, trying to chase away the memory. “It was never about hating you. It was about wanting you so fucking much it drove me crazy,” Zack continued. Anna tried to focus on his words and not the bad memory looming over her, but hearing his words and understanding them were two different things... Zack’s fingers traced the edge of her black bra under her gray jersey, teasing the sensitive skin just above it. “Every time i saw you with another guy, every time someone looked at you like they wanted you... It made me insane with jealousy.” Anna looked at him in disbelief, because she never noticed. Zack pulled her gray jersey up and over her head, tossing it aside. Anna shivered when the cold air made contact with her damp skin. Zack’s eyes darkened as he looked at her breasts encased in a wet black bra. “So yes, it is about sex,” he admitted, his voice thick with desire. “But it’s also about claiming what is mine. Making sure everyone knows that you belong to me and only me.” 

“So you never hated me? Then why did you say all those mean things,” Anna says, trying to hold back her tears. Whether they were tears of sadness or tears of relief that he didn’t hate her, she couldn’t tell. She covered her chest with her arms, suddenly feeling very vulnerable. Things seemed simpler outside when she was lost in the heat of the moment. But now that she could sit and think about what she'd been feeling, how much his actions and words in the past hurt her... How much she wished that this was real and how scared she was that it was another trick. All these thoughts and feelings started floating to the surface. Zack’s expression softened slightly at the sight of Anna’s tears, but he quickly masked it with his usual bravado. He gently pulled her arms away from her chest, his hands resting on her shoulders. “Mean things?” he scoffed. “Those were just words, brat. I didn’t know how else to get your attention.” He leaned down, his lips brushing against hers. “You think i wanted to be the bad guy? The asshole who bullied you? But it was better than being ignored completely.”

His hands moved from her shoulder to her breast, cupping it through the wet fabric of her black bra. “Every insult, every push... It was just me trying to keep you close. To make sure no other guy thought he had a chance with you,” he squeezed gently, his thumb tracing circles over her nipple. “And now that i finally have you alone, I’m going to show you just how much I don’t hate you.” Anna calmly listened to his words. For a moment she tried to understand his perspective and his behavior, but couldn’t because all she could think was, ‘What if? What if he had been nice to her? She would not have ignored him. And he didn’t keep the other guys off her. Maybe... If he had been nice, maybe what happened during summer break wouldn’t have happened. Maybe she would have been with Zack instead...’ The possibilities made her feel a regretful anger that brought tears to her eyes. 

“You could have been nice to me,” she muttered angrily. “How am I supposed to believe that this right here isn’t just you, taking what you want. Say sweet nothing's to... To have sex with me,” Zack’s eyes flashed with a mix of frustration and desire. He captured her lips in a rough kiss, silencing any further protests. His hands moved to her back, finding the clasp of her black bra and unhooking it with practiced ease. “Nice?” Zack growled against her mouth. “Being nice would have meant letting you go, letting someone else have you. And that was never an option.” Anna looked at him with a frown, ‘What the hell is he talking about?’ He pulled the black bra away, tossing it aside to join her gray jersey on the floor. His hands immediately covered her bare breasts, squeezing them roughly. “This is me being honest,” he said, his voice thick with lust. “I’m not nice. I’m possessive and selfish.” He pushed her back onto the bed and loomed over her. His hands moved to the waistband of her red skirt, tugging them down along with her wet underwear in one swift motion. 

Anna gasped, partly due to the cold air now brushing against her bare legs and intimate folds, and partly because she was now naked in front of Zack — something she never thought would happen in a million years. She looked up at him above her and swallowed hard. “If you were nice to me...” Anna says hesitantly, considering the implications of finishing that sentence. Zack paused, his hands on her hips as he looked down at her naked body. A muscle twitched in his jaw, and for a moment, a flicker of something almost like regret crossed his face. “If I was nice to you,” he said, his voice softer than before, “you would have seen right through me. You would have known that I was just pretending.” ‘Pretending,’ the words echoed in her mind. What does that mean? Is he saying she would have known he was lying to get something from her or that she would know he wasn’t the type of guy to give false niceties? Anna felt so confused, by his sudden behavior and proximity... by his confusing words... By her own feelings...

Zack leaned down, pressing a surprisingly gentle kiss to his lips. “Nice guys finish last, Anna, and i couldn’t risk losing you to some other guy who knew how to say all the right things.” Anna held her breath, ‘How could she tell him that something similar to that already happened, that anime loving Mark, was the least of his problems...’