That's What I Know

Telling the truth is much easier than telling a lie. Once you tell the truth, you don't need to memorize a line, you don't need to memorize a made-up story. But why do people still choose to lie? When they already know that secrets always come out, lies will always reveal by the truth. No matter how careful you are, you will still get caught. What you kept in darkness, will always unveil by the light.

My grip tightens on the knife I'm holding, and I slowly lift my gaze, staring myself into the full-length mirror inside my room. A creep smile form on my lips seeing the blood-stained on my right cheek.

They say people are born good or evil. But little did they know that people can be both good or evil...

"He has arrived," informed by someone that I really know, behind me.

My eyes went cold and my feet find their way towards the balcony. I open the glass door and the cold night breeze welcomes me. My ears suddenly become sensitive to the sounds of nature made making me heard even the small scratches of the dry leaves. But my gaze landed on the main gate of the mansion.

True to his words, I indeed saw the man I've been waiting for. I watch him as he bravely steps inside as if he's not entering the lion's den. My gaze didn't let him until he stopped in front of my father.

"He requested your presence" 

I fisted my hand when I heard the man behind me speak while making sure that no single emotion will run into my eyes.

"Do I need to bring my gun?" I query in a flat tone voice.

"No, but you need to wear your mask..." he meaningfully replied.

I creased my forehead and turn around to face him. He's staring at me as if he could read what's on my mind as if he can see me through despite my facade.

"Are you bullshitting me?" I hissed lowly, sounding a bit annoyed.

"I am giving you an advice" he shrugged his shoulder "Better hide your emotion, Cleo" he added and walk first.

I tilt my head and I cross my arm while watching him leave my room still creasing my forehead. I briefly glance at the scene I'm watching a while ago before I decided to start walking.

The ticking sound of my heels echo in the silent corridor of our house, everyone eyed me when they saw me walking downstairs but no one dares to approach me and blocked my way even my brother who's standing near the doorway.

I press my lips together upon seeing my father's back when I reach the entrance of the living room. He's standing proudly in front of the man that I've been staring at since he arrives. I bit the inside of my mouth while murmuring to myself that I shouldn't dare to make a move that will ruin everything. 

"Father..." I said to get their attention and as if on cue, the man's gaze landed in my direction making me fisted my hand.

For the first time since the last time that I experience it which I couldn't remember when- my heart beat loudly like a rolling drum on the sea. And then I felt a sudden melancholy that enveloped my whole being. A kind of sadness that makes me want to run towards him and cry a river while he's securing me with his warm hug. A sadness that I didn't foresee happening.

I gulp when his piercing gaze never left me. I would be a hypocrite if I denied that I don't want to see him. Because this what I have longed for- his stare, his eyes... This is what all I wanted- to see him in front of me once I open my eyes, to touch his face, to trace his jaw, to feel the unyielding warmth of his skin.

But then, the secret distance between us separates us together...

"Cleo, come here" Dad called me in a stern voice.

I back to my senses and look away before I walk a little closer and stood beside my father. I lift my gaze again expecting that he has turned his attention somewhere but then our eyes met which made me taken aback.

I suddenly become voiceless, I don't know what to say to him now. The words that had once flowed in my lips like streaming water on the river- smooth, continuous, and nonstop turns into ashes, like a thin smoke that disappears in the air.

Those days that I've spent with him are rolling inside on the back of my head, wishing I could turn back time and stay exactly as what we are before. I shouldn't give up, I shouldn't believe those lies. Then maybe, we wouldn't be here in this situation- at this moment.

"Tell me, what are you doing here young Rivvero?"

"I came here for my wife," he replied in a calm but authoritative voice.

I stilled on my spot when I felt my father grab my wrist and grip it tightly as if he wanted to broke my bones. But the pain disappears when I notice how serious he looks like as if he doesn't care about the consequence that will happen.

Why is he doing this? Why is he making it so hard for me? How many walls do I need to put between us just to prove to him that he will no longer have me as his wife? How many guns do I need to point towards him just to push him away? Do I need to pull the trigger for him to stop making an illusion for the things that we could have if ever we were together?

I am the woman, he can love but he can't ever have. Because not all that we wish for are bound to happen.

"You are making me laugh, young man" my father menacingly utter and pulled the buckle of the gun he's holding which made me feel alarmed.

"Dad..." I whisper, trying to stop what he's planning to do.

"Tell me, Cleo, do you love this man?" my father asks in a toneless voice and glances at me while pointing the gun to Silvanus' head.

I swallow the sudden lump on my throat. My face went stoic and my lips tighten. I silently gritted my teeth and fisted my hand even more.

"Answer me!" my father growled but I didn't flinch instead I show him my serious face.

"No..." I whisper before I turn my gaze to Silvanus "I don't love him, even just a bit" I added while looking straight into his eyes without blinking.

I clearly saw how the stoic face of Silvanus soften and a hint of pain cross in his deep dark gray eyes. He's looking at me straight into my eyes as if he's trying to read what's on my mind wanting to know if I'm lying.

This is the third time I broke his heart.

And I just wish that I wasn't lying. But it's too late because the first time I told him I wasn't in love with him is the moment that I already fell to him.

It's just sad that sometimes we want, what we couldn't. And love the person that we shouldn't.

At least that's what I know...