Never lie to me

When Kan led the way into the bedroom, my head snapped back to see a really beautiful dress lying on the bed. 

Beside it sat a set of pearl jewelry in a luxurious case.

When I turned to look at him, he had a large bouquet of white roses like he had conjured it out. 

“Kan.” I said, and hugged him, partly in pity and partly to hide my trembling hands. 

I could not make sense of my sudden hesitation to give him a chance despite how much he was trying.

At the back of my mind, I knew Blaine had something to do with all this, but I did not want to admit it even to myself. 

Kan seemed to like that because he put the flowers down and wove his arms around my waist, sniffing my hair, and kissing my temple.

We stayed that way for sometime while I wondered what I could have done differently. 

There was no way to not have taken revenge after finding Kan. He wanted revenge as much as I did, and that meant that Blaine would have to re-enter our lives. 

And now we were just tethering on the edge of a divorce.

He was aware of that, that is why he was clinging to me, and I was scared of what I might do with all that freedom that was why I clung to him. 

There was also this heavy burden of guilt.

Regardless of the monster this man was, he saved me. He saved me and kept me protected, suiting me up with armor till I was ready to face the world again as a stronger woman. 

Although it took him some time, he treated my son as his and saw him as his too. 

I finally moved back from him and brought my hand up to caress his face, staring up into his eyes.

I was in his arms, but I felt so alone. Alone in this decision I had to make. 

“Let me help you shave.”

He laughed, “What?”

I smiled. The Kan I was used to and had come to like was back. “I’ll not cut you, promise.” I ran my thumb across his stubble and he smiled again.

“Ok.”

We went into the bathroom and I helped shave his face and gave him the hot towel to hold it close. 

We saw a movie together and ate lunch in our room. We talked as he described in detail how much progress Mõshon had made since he was old enough to work there.

He watched me begin to prim my skin for the evening and offered to help me pick a shoe for the dress. 

We did all these things only couples did, and I smiled, but walked around feeling empty inside.

My mind was clouded by the thoughts of gray eyes, as he stood there so alone with his daughter and begged me to come to his house.

Was it a pity I felt for Blaine too? 

If it was, why did it outweigh the one I felt for Kan? 

This confused me and I had no answers to all my questions even as Kan stood behind me in an elegant suit and helped zip my dress up.

“Thank you.” I smiled at him through the mirror, as I raised my hand to pat my hair I had held up in a stylish, messy bun. 

He placed his hands on my hips from behind and kissed the back of my neck.

I smiled quietly and finally turned around. “What do you think?”

“Just as I had imagined it would look,” he said, and moved in to kiss my forehead again. His phone rang, and he excused himself to go take it.

When he returned, he seemed slightly red in the face and I wondered what the call was about. 

“Are you okay?” I asked, watching him

“I am,” he said, “come here.” And he hugged me again. 

“I want to love you, Kan.” I said, moving my head back to look in his eyes now. 

Loving Kan, who loved me as deeply as this, was a neater option than going back to that chaotic life with Blaine. And practically, I have known Kan longer.

What I knew of Blaine was little, and I could as well be holding on to straw. That was years ago and it was only three days. 

All our other meetings have been scattered and short after that.

“Do you mean it?” he asked. 

But he did not sound as elated as I expected he would. Was I overestimating my importance then? 

He looked hurt, and regretful?

“I am open to trying. And maybe I will fall in love with you in no time,” I said, and out loud that sounded sad even in my own ears. 

Was love something you had to practice and work at, truly? Maybe there were different kinds of love in the end.

He nodded now. “I will be good to you, Ariel.” He kissed my forehead, keeping his lips there for seconds, avoiding my lips only because of the lipstick. 

He finally withdrew his lips. “Just trust me.”

I smiled sadly at this. 

He had broken my trust again and again. There were only so many chances I could give, especially with a young son to protect.

“Never lie to me again,” I said, looking up at him. “No matter how bad the truth is, tell me, I can handle it.” 

His hand moved around my neck, and he caressed it lightly, over and over again, staring in my face.

“I won’t,” he said finally. 

I sighed and smiled at him. 

Now when I look back on that day, I know I was irredeemably foolish, and overly trusting. 

It should not take so many betrayals to knock it into my head that some things were hopeless and that there was absolutely no need to keep trying.

But that night, I placed my hand in his arm, and walked out to what would be the second most painful night of my life.