2. Witch or Bitch?

Moon's pov

“Moon? Alpha Moon? Are you okay? Did you remember something?”

I opened my eyes and stretched.

“I’m okay, Mary. It was the same memory, from the night I was brought here. Nothing new sadly. Nothing helpful.”

“I’m sorry, Alpha. Do you want me to get you some tea?”

I nodded, “thank you, Mary. You’re a good friend.”

Mary smiled at me, “anything for the woman who saved us all.”

I didn’t save them all. I merely took over for Alpha Racheal when she was getting too weak. And I might have led the attack on a group of feral wolves three months ago. This pack was finally becoming something more than just a group of rogue women. I had even allowed a few man in.

Mary left and shortly after the tent opened once again.

“That’s quick, even for you.” I said.

“It’s not Mary, my dear.” Rachael said. “She told me you had another nightmare. You should really stop using these herbs to jog your memories. Maybe they’re buried for a reason.”

Racheal was like a mom to me. She had taken me in five years ago. She had helped me get some memories back and she had trained me. She was the strongest woman I knew and all I wanted was to be like her.

I remembered some things. I remember a lot from when I was little. I remember my mom making pancakes for me and calling me her Moonflower. I remember her playing with me and telling me I was special. I remembered Kai and his sister, Kimiko. But from the age of six, I couldn't remember most things. And the more I remembered, the less I felt like myself. The things I had done? They didn’t feel like me. But I had to know. I needed to understand why I had hurt Kai and why he had thrown me out, instead of killing me.

After a year of staying at the Wolvin pack, my wolf suddenly started talking to me. Angela said it had felt like she was trying to reach me, but needed to break through some barriers that were placed inside my mind.

Angela was such a cool wolf. She looked really badass too, with her large size and white fur.

"You're cool too, Moon." Angela complimented me.

I didn’t feel like a child anymore. This body had experienced pleasure and pain. I had made myself strong enough to take on any man or woman that wanted to harm me. I had beat out every woman for the position of Alpha and this pack respected me for it.

I wasn’t that little girl anymore. Even if I didn’t know what happened to me, I was strong and I had a pack that took care of me and I took care of them.

We were a pack of former rogues and a lot of the women here had lost their mates. There were a couple of women that chose a woman as their mate. And since I let some guys in, some of the women had chosen them as their chosen mate.

I didn’t want a chosen mate. Love wasn’t for me. Lust was, so I did let the occasional man or woman into my tent sometimes. But nothing would ever get too serious. I would never let anyone get close to me, not until I knew who I was.

“I need to see Tabitha again soon, I’m almost out of herbs.” I told Racheal.

“I will let her know to visit us soon. Are you sure, darling?” Racheal replied.

Angela snickered, “what she means to say, is that that bitch doesn’t like you.”

I ignored Angela. Tabitha was a witch, but she could be a bit bitchy at times. But I didn’t blame her. The relationship between witches and werewolves has always been rocky. Witches are seen as dangerous and we avoid them, until we need their help.

“I need to remember, Racheal. You know how important this is to me.” I explained.

Racheal shook her head, “Moon, you are our Alpha. Not just because you won the fight for the position, but because of your heart and courage. There is nothing in your past that will change how we see you. You are our future and every time you learn something, you get hurt.”

Racheal reminded me of my mother. Well, what I remember from my mom. When I first got here, I was broken. Physically and mentally. I didn’t remember anything and I acted like I was still a child. Racheal healed my body and broke the chains around my wrists, but she couldn’t help me mentally. So she got a witch to help me.

In the beginning I needed Tabitha’s help to remember, but now her potions and herbs were enough.

Some things were easier to remember than others. Some memories felt like they were done by someone else. It felt similar as when I shifted and let Angela take over. Only I trusted Angela completely, she would never do something against my will.

But maybe I was just making excuses, because I didn’t want to be the one that did those things. I needed to know and understand. There had to be a reason for the things I had done.

Later that day Tabitha showed up at our pack grounds. Most packs are cities, that flourish and thrive. Werewolves work and live amongst humans, hiding in plain sight. They have gated communities and some of the most successful businesses where owned by werewolves. And everyone that works there, belongs to the pack.

But we are not like most packs. We are The Wolvin pack.

Racheal apparently had Dutch parents, because Wolvin, means she-wolf in Dutch. It’s a bit on the nose, but it sounds cool, I suppose.

Our pack is in rogue territory, land that we have claimed as our own. Other packs aren’t aware of our existence, which might be for the best. We live hidden amongst the worst of the worst, in a camp filled with tents.

Tabitha has helped secure an invisible border for us, using magic and we patrol the border every night. This has been the way before I was Alpha, ever since Racheal started the pack thirty years ago.

Tabitha entered the border and walked to my tent. My tent was large. The living room was also our meeting room and in the back was my bedroom. Our toilet was outside, it was more of an outhouse. We had an outdoor shower or we would bath in the river, and we had one tent that we used as our common kitchen.

“You still don’t remember? It’s been five years, Moon. Or do you go by your birthname now?” Tabitha asked.

I remembered my birthname, Kai had told me that when he rejected me. But I didn’t recognize the person that name belonged to. So I went by what my mom called me, Moonflower. Well, Moon, because Moonflower sounds like a hippy that needs a bath.

“You do need a bath,” Angela joked.

I probably did, but taking a bath wasn't easy when you shared one shower and a river with a hundred other wolves.

“Tabitha, thank you for coming here. It’s still Moon. Well, Alpha Moon since last year, or do you have memory problems as well?” I said, letting my alpha aura flow out.

One thing I had remembered was my mom telling me about her family and her old pack. Mom told me her father was the Alpha of their pack and that she was his third daughter. Dad had felt honored that he was mated to someone with Alpha blood. He had just become the Beta of his pack.

So because I had Alpha Blood, I guess it wasn’t odd that I beat the rest of the candidates for the position of Alpha. It took a week, every person that wanted to be the next alpha challenged each other and we fought in a tournament, until I was the only one left. Some thought Racheal was playing favorites, but I won fair and square.

“You are her favorite,” Angela said.

And she is mine. She was like my second mother and the she was fearless, strong and she didn’t take shit from anyone.

Tabitha rolled her eyes, not impressed by my aura or my words. She handed me my potions and herbs.

“You know, I could always go inside your mind again. Like I did when you first got here?” Tabitha offered.

I trusted Tabitha to not betray the pack, but she never did anything without a reason.

“What’s in it for you?”

“It’s great practice and it means an Alpha owes me a favor. Besides, I am curious. It shouldn’t take this long to remember. It is almost like someone doesn’t want you to.”

I had the same feeling. Sometimes I thought I might be blocking the memories myself, trying stop myself from seeing something, that was so horrible that I wouldn’t recover. But maybe someone did this to me.

“Okay, let’s try.” I said, trying to sound brave.

But in reality, I was scared shitless. I didn’t know what she would find and last time it had hurt a lot. Not only that, the last time she did this, I saw something I regretted instantly.

I had seen myself having sex with the Gamma of the pack. Someone who was mated. And I seemed to enjoy it, too. Riding Gamma Matias while moaning loudly. I must have been seventeen or sixteen. It was before I got my wolf. Angela said that she awakened the night I was caught stabbing Kai.

Tabitha smiled, “please lay down on the bed, Alpha Moon. While I mix the herbs in your tea.”

O, now she calls me Alpha. She must really like the practice. Or she really needs the favor. I laid down on the bed, calming my mind. Tabitha brought me my tea and she sat next to my head.

“I have to touch you for this.”

“I know,” I replied. “Let’s get this over with.”

Tabitha put her hands on opposite sides of my forehead and pressed. It felt like she was putting her nails through my scalp, but I kept breathing in and out. Trying to remain calm.

“Let’s go back. Let’s find those memories that are all the way back in your mind. The ones that someone is trying so hard for you not to see.” Tabitha said as the pressure in my head build.

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“Hey Mona, what are you doing here?” Kimoko said.

“Hey Kimmy, I was looking for you. I missed you.” I replied, but it felt like someone else was saying these words.

Kimmy laughed, “you just saw me a few hours ago silly. Are you sure you’re not here for my brother?”

I giggled, “well, maybe. But I did come here for you too.”

Kimiko sat down behind her desk and began putting on make-up. She looked young, but not as young as I usually remember her. Maybe fifteen?

I walked closer to her, holding something in my hand behind my back. It was cold and long.

"Your make-up is really pretty though. But you could use some more blush.”

Kimiko looked in the mirror at her cheeks and picked something out from her desk. The moment her head went down to look through her make-up, I used the thin and sharp blade in my hand, to stab her through her ear.

Blood was dripping out of her ear and her head fell down on her desk. I wiped the blade on her dress and I took a shower.

When I came out of the shower, I looked at Kimiko and I started to cry. It was like I was seeing her body for the first time.

I called for help and soldiers ran in the room. Kai was there too, comforting me.

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I woke up, my face wet with tears and my voice felt like I had screamed.

It wasn’t just Tabitha in the room. Racheal and Mary were there too.

“We couldn’t get you out. You were screaming and crying. You even hurt yourself.” Racheal said, looking down at my arms.

I had scratched open my arms, using my claws.

I shook my head and wiped away the tears. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I shouldn’t remember. Because the more I learn, the more I hate the person I used to be.”

Tabitha sighed and took a deep breath. “I apologize Luna Moon. But I felt something while I was in there.

It’s almost like there were two people in those memories.”

“So how do I know which one of the two is me? The bad one or the good one?” I asked, regretting ever letting Tabitha in.

“Both? I don’t know. I would have to go in again.” Tabitha said calmly, as if she didn’t just witness something horrible happen.

Racheal growled, “no. Leave Tabitha. That’s enough. I know who Moon is and she is good. She is our leader and she is our family.”

But was I good? Did I really kill Kimiko?! I saw it with my own eyes, but this couldn't be. I loved her.