Chapter Four

Kian’s POV

I was already reaching for a textbook when our fingers brushed just for a second.. but it stretched on forever.

Heat flooded my cheeks, that familiar, embarrassing pink I couldn’t hide no matter how hard I tried. I pulled my hand back just a little, fast, like I’d been burned… or maybe because I was terrified he’d be the one to pull away first.

“It’s…” My voice came out soft, barely more than a whisper. “It’s okay. I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

I could feel him staring at me, and it made my heart race so fast I thought it might burst. I kept darting my eyes away then back to him, over and over, like I couldn’t decide whether to run for it once again or stay right where I was.

Because if it were me, I wouldn't want for this moment to end.

“I wasn’t either,” he said quietly. His voice sounded rough, thick, like he was struggling too. “Kian.”

I looked up fully then, and my breath caught. He was looking at me like… like he couldn’t believe I was really there. Like I was something precious. Shy, bright, unbelieving.. that’s what his gaze felt like, and it made my chest ache so gently it hurt because I knew he was just being kind to me. Just like when we were kids. Just like he is to everyone — alphas, omegas or beta combined. It didn't mean anything special. I wasn't anything special.

Somewhere behind him, someone stopped. I could feel it, I mean anyone could since it is also another dominant alpha. The other one was quiet, watching. But for once, I didn’t care. All I want was to be a little bit delusional again and savor this moment.

Everything else faded. The noise of the campus, the sunlight, all of it… until there was only River.

I blinked, and a tiny, nervous smile tugged at my lips before I could stop it. “River.”

“You’re here,” he said, so soft it was almost a sigh.

I nodded, clutching one book tight against my chest like it could shield me. “I… I was just picking up some things. For classes.” I hesitated, my gaze flickering down to our hands, still hovering close on the pavement. “I didn’t think I’d see you again so soon.” And we're even in the same university.. What are the odds when there's more than 50 universities in this city?

Slowly, carefully, he picked up the last book and held it out to me. Our fingers brushed again.. longer this time — and I couldn’t help it: I gasped, quiet, barely there.

“Me neither,” he said. And I believed him. “But I’m really glad I did.”

My eyes widened. The heat in my cheeks burned deeper, brighter. I took the book from him, my fingers lingering against his for just one heartbeat I never wanted to end.

And then, he said something that made my whole world tilt. 

“I’ve been thinking about you.”

I was taken aback with that.. is that a confession? No. Great, now I am being delusional again. I opened my mouth yet no words seemed to come out of it. But no, I don't want to let this opportunity pass by so I gathered my courage to ask. “W-what does that mean?”

River blinked. As if he’s finally realized how it sounded. Too much, too open — and he hurried to soften it, to make it safe.

He gave a kind, easy smile. The same one he gave everyone and said gently, “It’s your first time being away from Lakeshore, Kian. Away from everything and everyone you’ve always known. Of course I’ve been thinking about you. I’d be worried about anyone from home, wouldn’t I?”

My chest tightened, sharp and soft all at once. There it was. Just that. Just being kind.

“I was just wondering how you’re settling in,” he went on, warm and steady, perfectly friendly. “Whether your classes are going okay. If you’ve found your way around campus yet. Things like that.”

Things like that. Not you. Not us. Just… checking in. Polite. Kind. Exactly what he does for everyone. Of course.

I swallowed hard and nodded, looking down at the book in my hands so he wouldn’t see how much it stung. How stupid I felt for hoping, even for a second.

“O-oh,” I said, my voice small. “I… I see. Thank you. That’s… that’s really nice of you.”

Nice. That’s all it was. I should be used to it by now. He’s good. He’s kind. He cares about everybody. Why would I ever think I’d be different? That I was special just because I knew him first than anyone else in this university?

I forced a wobbly little smile and lifted my gaze back to him, careful not to look too long, too eager. “Everything’s… everything’s fine. I’m fine. So you don’t have to worry.”

River’s smile softened, but it didn’t change. Didn’t shift into anything more. Just the same gentle kindness he gave the world. “I’m glad to hear it. But if you ever need anything, anything at all, you know where to find me..”

“Right,” I whispered. “Thank you, River.”

With that, him and his friend--which is a new one since it isn't Jax or Hunter---walked away. 

I stood there for only a moment, watching them go. Until their figures blended into the crowd and there was nothing left to see. 

He didn't even turn back once. Pfft. I smiled bitterly to myself.

My chest suddenly felt tight, heavy with something too soft to be anger, and too sharp to be comfort. Just kindness, I told myself. Nothing more. And I should be grateful that a dominant alpha like him is that kind to me.

I turned and started walking toward the enrollment office, or the cashier’s.. I wasn’t entirely sure which honestly, following the signs and the faint stream of students heading the same way.

It was farther than I expected, though. I passed not just one, not two, but three different departments along the way, checking the names on the buildings as I went.

The first one was Medical Department where I met River and his friend. Then, engineering.. humanities...

I kept going until I reached the right department and office handed over my papers. 

Art department.

I took a seat to flip through the books I’d picked up. I scanned through the course outlines, the schedules, the lists of required materials and then I paused and frowned.

The classes River mentioned... they haven’t even started yet. Did he hallucinate? Slipped? In a daze? I scoffed at my own delusions again. But still..

I stared at the dates, at the weeks marked Orientation Only, at the note that said instruction begins next Monday. He’d spoken as if I was already in the thick of it, already navigating lectures and assignments, but I wasn’t. Not yet. We still had days before anything officially began. And I mean, he knew that right??

I closed the books slowly. Realization settled soft and heavy in my chest. 

And… I don’t actually know where to find him.

Not really. I knew which building, sure, the Med Department, but that was huge. Halls and wings and floors I’d never seen, rooms and offices and lecture halls, all of it unfamiliar. Not to mention, I'm bad with maps and directions. 

He’d said ‘you know where to find me,’ but did I? Truly?

We’re in the same university, yes. But this place is enormous. And he’s not just anyone.. He’s busy, he’s important, he’s someone everyone else is already looking for.

How did I know that? Well, the looks from people around us when we bumped into each other already says it all.

If I ever actually needed help… would I even know how to reach him?

I traced the edge of the top book with my thumb. The same one his fingers had touched, not long ago.

Maybe it’s better this way, I thought. I wouldn’t want to be another person asking him for things anyway. Another name in a crowd. Just someone else he’s kind to.

I took a slow breath, tucked the books under my arm, and stood up. Classes haven’t started yet. I’ll figure it out on my own. I always have.

More like.. I had to if I want to survive in this place alone.