Five Years of Cowardice

5 YEARS LATER

SELENA'S P.O.V

I watched Amanda run around the open field. Her hair was long, down to her back, but she had always ensured that I knew she wanted to keep it that way.

I smiled to myself, my arms crossing over my chest. She was beautiful. Seeing her like this almost made me feel guilty for the times when I was unsure.

The pregnancy hadn't been easy. Between adjusting to life as a rogue in a settlement where everyone hunted and I felt ridiculous for sitting back and being catered to despite being the last addition, to the time when I had heavily suspected Alan. That suspicion had slowly waned with time, and now he was simply Amanda's second favourite, Uncle Alan.

She loved Grandma Mila and Lily first. Funny enough, I was third.

"Mummy!" She said, as she turned towards the butterfly, her small hands coming together.

She had Alpha Cole's light brown hair, and his deep blue eyes. She was his daughter, alright, and despite the hatred I held for the man who was unfortunately her father, I loved my daughter to death.

"Proud?"

I gave a small sigh without turning. Alan came beside me, his hand gently pushing my hair away from my face before he leaned away again. We had grown close, closer than I ever thought especially with my initial skepticism of him.

"She ie beautiful," I said, as the butterfly slowly descended on Amanda's hand.

"She is. Just like you."

But we both knew she looked more like her father. Down to the way she scrunched up her nose when she liked something. She was doing it now. Alpha Cole used to do it to me too.

"Do you think of her father?" Alan suddenly asked, turning fully to me. "It has been five years. You have helped this place grow. The hunt, the small business, you have worked on it like you intend to live here forever."

My eyes closed. I thought of the life I had built here. From the small gardens to the crochets I had made for Amanda. "Is that a bad thing?" I asked, pushing my hair back before he had the chance to. "Being here forever."

Alan sighed. "You know it isn't, Selena. I love having you here."

I met his eyes for the first time since he had come. His pupils were dilated in that way that I had found creepy the first few days I was here, but had come to show just how much he carried his heart on his sleeve. Five years, and he still had it in his eyes.

I turned away. I couldn't give him what he wanted. Alpha Cole had turned out to be a massive bastard, but he was still the only man that had caught my heart.

And despite the time that had passed, I could still feel him on my skin. Still hear his voice in my ear like he was reaching out.

But he wasn't. Sylvia was now Blackmoon's luna, and from the news I got occasionally from Alan, the Alpha Cole I had heavily adored was mostly gone.

"Where are Mila and Lily?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

Alan smiled, that knowing smile he had when he realized I didn't want to do a deep dive into his feelings. I wasn't sure which was worse. My five years of cowardice or his five years of patience.

"They went to hunt with the rest of the others. There are only a few still around, preparing for the feast later."

I nodded simply. "I guess I will join them to prepare. Keep an eye on Amanda for me?"

He nodded, then started to reach out. He stopped before he could get to me, then gently put his hand down.

I walked away, the small wistful smile he had given me before leaving haunting my mind.

I wished I could give him what he wanted. He was gentle with me. He loved my daughter. He was everything now that Alpha Cole refused to be due to the depth of his ambition.

I made a split second decision and turned to Alan.

"Do you remember..." I said, and he turned, his brows slightly furrowed. "In a few days. The full moon celebration here."

He had asked me a few days ago but I had said I would think about it. The full moon celebration was something thay reminded me of Alpha Cole. The majestic robes he wore for the celebrations. The way he used to give me the first dance. No one had batted an eyelash then because I was still just the bodyguard.

I guess it is time to try and make new memories over it. It has been five full moon celebrations he has had without me anyway.

"Maybe we could have the first dance. Like you asked."

Alan's eyes widened, before he broke into a smile. "Are you sure? Are you really sure, Selena? Even if... even if you know that he would be in his own banquet hall with his luna?"

I bit down hard on my bottom lip. "All the more reason. How long will I guard the memory of a man who tried to kill me?"

Alan broke into a bigger smile then nodded. "I look forward to it."

I forced a smile, then turned away. I stayed there for a second. I dreaded moving on, but time had given me no choice.

The other women who hadn't gone out hunting were already preparing for the feasts that were customary for every night five nights before the full moon officially graced the night sky.

We had just finished setting the large mats under the open sky when the hunting squad returned, shifting back into their human forms.

I could tell something was wrong before they even fully shifted. I handed Mila and Lily towels to wipe off some of the dirt.

All of them stood around, looking equal parts nervous and terrified. Lily who would have started tasting every dish looked like she was one rough push away from vomiting.

"Did something happen?" One of the elder, Jackson asked, his voice low as his eyes darted across the squad.

Gabriel slowly came from behind the squad, slightly shaking. He had blood on his fingers where his claws would have been.

My brows furrowed. "Did you..."

"Gabriel got into a fight. He went too close and the soldiers tried to stop him but he grew aggressive. Two were injured and one was..." Mila trailed off and turned away.

One was dead. We didn't need to know more.

"Fuck," Alan said, covering Amanda's ear as she played around with the little ball he had given her. "What pack's soldiers? We might have to apologize or own up to it if..."

"I told him not to go!" Sarah, Gabriel's mother said, her voice shaky with tears. "I told him to stop being so aggressive. The soldiers were treating him like a child and were not really fighting back despite being armed. Before any of us could do something..."

"What pack's soldiers was it?" Jackson asked, his voice stern. "We already have a bad name and it is not the time to trade blames especially if they weren't actively fighting. They could take this as an attempt at a rogue settlement to infiltrate their back, so we need to get ahead and maybe send a peace letter or something. What pack?"

Mila swallowed hard and looked at the rest. Neither seemed willing to give up that information.

I turned to Gabriel. "What pack was it, Gabriel?"

He sniffed hard, tears running down his cheeks. "It.... it was Blackmoon pack."

My blood immediately ran cold, and the extra towel I was holding slipped from my fingers and landed on the floor.

"What?"

"They really weren't aggressive," Sarah said again, her voice shaky. "They are normally aggressive, but they weren't and he just..."

"What did you say the name of the pack was?" I asked again, ignoring Lily's attempt to reach out to me.

"Blackmoon pack," Gabriel said again. "Alpha Cole's pack."