Chapter Five

Vanessa

Of all the ways I had imagined today going, this was not among any of it. 

The sound of my own heartbeat was loud in my ears as I followed Kat back inside. My legs felt weak, my chest heavy. I didn’t know if it was from the pain of my stitched wounds or the thousand things crashing inside my head all at once. My mother was alive. The woman I had cried for every night since I was six, the one I buried in my heart a long time ago, she was here, breathing, smiling, living a life I could only dream of.

The corridors of the Half Moon Pack mansion glowed with warm light. Everything smelled like lavender and baked bread. Servants and warriors passed by with polite smiles, but I could feel their curiosity, their silent whispers following me. I wasn’t one of them. I was the broken thing dragged in from the woods, the girl whose scars still screamed.

“This will be your room,” Kat said softly, stopping before a large wooden door. She pushed it open, and I froze.

The room was beautiful. The kind of beautiful that hurt to look at. White curtains danced with the evening breeze, a soft rug spread across the wooden floor, and the bed goddess, it looked like a cloud. There were even flowers on the bedside table, their sweet scent wrapping around me like a hug.

“I can’t stay here,” I whispered. “This is too much.”

Kat smiled gently. “You deserve it. Get some rest. Luna asked that you join her for dinner later, if you feel strong enough.”

The Luna. She was referring to my mother.

The title hit differently. It wasn’t just “my mother” anymore, she was someone important here. Someone loved. Someone who didn’t die. I nodded numbly, and Kat left me alone. I liked her, she reminded me alot of me, only that she was not being mistreated here. 

For a long moment, I just stood there staring at the bed. Then I sat down carefully, my body sinking into the softness, and before I knew it, tears started falling. Silent, shaking tears that burned my eyes and refused to stop. Everything in me wanted to scream, to break something, to ask the goddess why she had to make me suffer so much.

But instead, I just sat there, hugging my stomach. “You are safe now,” I whispered to my unborn children. “Mama’s going to keep you safe, I promise.”

By the time Kat came back to get me, the sun had already gone down. My eyes were still swollen, but I washed my face and tried to look composed. The dining room was warm and glowing, filled with the smell of roasted meat and herbs. The table was set beautifully, candles flickering, silver cutlery shining.

And at the far end of it, there she was, my mother. The woman who was supposed to be dead was looking me directly in the face. 

Her eyes lit up the moment she saw me. “Vanessa,” she whispered, standing up slowly. “I wasn’t sure you would come.”

“I almost didn’t,” I admitted, my voice shaking. I took a seat across from her, refusing to meet her eyes. My hands trembled slightly as I reached for the water glass. "But I haven't really eaten." i added truthfully. 

“You look so much like me,” she said quietly after a moment. “I used to imagine this moment every single day, I used to imagine what you look like as a grown woman”

“Don’t,” I cut her off, my throat tight. “Please don’t say that.”

She hesitated, pain flickering in her gaze. “I know you have questions Vanessa, and you deserve answers. I promise I will explain everything if you let me.”

I wanted to believe her. I wanted to reach across that table and touch her hand and cry into her shoulder like a little girl again. But the memories wouldn’t let me. They came flooding back, the beatings, the hunger, the nights I spent praying to a moon that never answered.

“You should eat,” she said softly, as if afraid I might break. “The doctor said you need strength.”

I stared down at the food, grilled chicken, mashed potatoes, vegetables things I hadn’t tasted in years. My stomach twisted painfully. “I can’t,” I whispered.

“Vanessa”

“I said I can’t!” The words came out louder than I intended. I saw her flinch and guilt instantly burned through me. “I’m sorry. I just, I don’t know how to sit here and pretend this is normal. I don’t know how to be okay with this.”

“I don’t expect you to be okay with anything,” she said softly. “I only ask for time. Please, let me explain”

“Explain?” I laughed bitterly. “What exactly is there to explain, Mother? That you faked your death and left me with a man who treated me like trash? That while you lived in this palace, I was locked in a cellar, beaten, starved, humiliated every single day? That the only thing I had left was a wolf too weak to fight back?”

Her eyes were immediately filled with tears. “I didn’t have a choice Vanessa”

“You did!” I shouted, slamming my hand against the table. My voice cracked. “You had a choice! You could have come back for me! You could have done something! Hell you could have gone with me. But you didn’t! You let me believe you were gone, instead you just let them abuse me and strip me off my dignity.”

She stood up, coming around the table, but I pushed my chair back violently. “Don’t touch me!” I screamed, tears streaming freely now. “You don’t get to touch me like everything’s fine. You don’t get to tell me you love me after all these years!”

“I never stopped loving you, Vanessa,” she whispered, her voice trembling. “Every breath I took, every sunrise, I prayed the goddess would protect you.”

“Well, she didn’t!” I cried. “She didn’t protect me when Father sold me like property! She didn’t protect me when Alpha Damian used me and threw me away like I was nothing! And she didn’t protect me when I begged for death just to stop the pain!”

My knees gave out, and I sank to the floor, shaking uncontrollably. My mother rushed to me, but I didn’t fight her this time. Her arms wrapped around me, and despite everything, it felt like coming home and falling apart all at once.

“I’m so sorry,” she sobbed into my hair. “I thought I was protecting you by staying hidden. I thought I would come back when it was safe, when the war was over, when.”

“When I was already ruined?” I whispered bitterly, pulling away just enough to look into her tear streaked face. 

“Do you even know what it feels like to be nothing? To be everyone’s punching bag? To carry children that were never meant to exist?”

Her lips trembled. “You are not nothing, Vanessa. You are strong. You survived. And those children inside you, they are proof that the goddess has not forsaken you.”

I couldn’t answer. The weight of everything was too much. My body was trembling, my chest tight with too many emotions to name. I wanted to hate her. I wanted to forgive her. I wanted to disappear.

And somewhere deep inside, beneath all the pain and the anger, a tiny part of me wanted to believe her. That she really did love me, that's all I ever wanted, for someone to love me. 

“Rest tonight Vanessa,” she whispered finally bringing me out of my thoughts, brushing the hair from my face. “Tomorrow, I will tell you everything. About that night twelve years ago, About why I had to disappear."