5: The First Look

Fern

The moment I step into the dining room, everything stops.

My bare feet meet polished stone, and I am hyper aware of how clean they feel. Too clean for someone like me. The dress my mother gave me is still clutched in my hands, forgotten until now, crumpled from my grip. I’m suddenly painfully aware of how I must look with my hair loose, plain clothes, and skin marked by a life I was never meant to escape.

The man standing across the room turns.  He is taller than I expected and broader.  He is the largest werewolf I have ever seen. His presence fills the space so completely it steals the air from my lungs. Alpha Gaven, I assume, because there is no mistaking authority like that.

His hand is around my father’s throat.

I don’t think. I don’t plan.

“Please,” I say, my voice breaking the silence. “Don’t kill him.”

Gaven’s gaze snaps to me, and then something crosses his face.  It isn’t anger.  It isn’t surprise.  The look is immediate and unmistakable.  It is something that I have seen on the faces of my own pack.  He is disgusted by what he sees.

My stomach drops and I avert my eyes away from his cruel gaze.

He releases my father at once, shoving him away like something no longer worth holding. Leo stumbles back, coughing, but I barely notice. All I can see is the way Gaven looks at me, like I am a mistake he didn’t ask for.

Heat crawls up my neck. I should have worn the dress. I should have taken the time to look presentable, to hide the truth of what I am beneath something soft and fine. Instead, I stand here like an exposed wound.

His eyes rake over me, slow and assessing. The look behind his gaze makes me want to disappear.

I clutch the dress tighter, wishing desperately that I could step back in time and pull it on before coming down here. My mother told me to make a good impression.

I’ve failed before I’ve even spoken.  There is no way he will accept me instead of my sister now.  Not now when he has seen what he is truly being offered.  I am nothing compared to her beauty. 

For a fleeting second, I look up, letting my eyes find my mother in the room.  Her lips are pressed into a hard line, but she isn’t paying attention to me.  She is too busy tending my father, making sure that he is unharmed from Alpha Gaven’s attack. 

Gaven clears his throat and I swear I see a glitter of satisfaction in his eyes, but it is gone before I can analyze it too deeply. 

“So,” he says coolly, turning his attention back to my father. “This is what you’re offering me instead.”

Instead.  The word burns.  It makes bile rise in my throat. 

“This is Fern,” Leo says quickly. “My second daughter.”

Second. Spare. Replaceable.  These words are all interchangeable to my father, but Alpha Gaven doesn’t know that.  Or maybe he can sense it.  Maybe he can see just how worthless I am by my clothes and my worn skin.

Gaven moves then, circling me like he’s evaluating damaged goods. His expression never softens. His eyes flick to my hands, my arms, my bare feet.

I feel smaller with every step he takes.

He stops in front of me, close enough that I can smell him.  He smells clean, like soap and sandalwood.  I have to stop myself from inhaling too deeply.  My heart stutters painfully when he inches his way forward, and I force myself not to flinch.

“You should have sent Grace,” he says flatly.  “This is unacceptable.”

The room feels like it is tilting on its axis and I am struggling to stay upright. 

I swallow hard and lower my gaze, shame pressing in on all sides. Of course he wanted Grace. Anyone would. She’s beautiful and strong. She is a warrior and I am not.  She is worth something and I am nothing. 

I could never measure up when compared to her. 

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, though I don’t know who I’m apologizing to.

He doesn’t respond.  For a moment, I think he might say something cruel. Something final that will turn me away.

Instead, he turns away abruptly looking at my father. 

“Did you really think that I wouldn’t know what you did?  Did you really think that you could trade a warrior for a maid?” 

My father doesn’t answer right away.  His throat bobs up and down as he tries to think of an excuse.

“She is still my daughter, still of Alpha blood.” 

I draw in a sharp breath, but it goes unnoticed by everyone.  This is the first time my father has admitted that we share the same blood.  It should make me feel proud, but instead, it makes me feel sick.  I am being reduced to the blood I share with the man who never wanted me. 

Gaven scoffs.  “Does she even have a wolf?” 

Heat pools in my stomach and it almost makes me sick.  I keep my eyes on the ground, willing tears not to drip down my cheeks.  No one answers him and that is answer enough.  He knows the truth.  I do not have a wolf.

“This isn’t over,” Gaven growls. “Not by a long shot.  If you think you can take what is owned to me you are wrong.” 

Then he does the unthinkable and turns to me. 

“Say your goodbyes,” he says, his voice tight and distant. “We leave now.”

I nod quickly, relief and humiliation tangling in my chest. I retreat without looking back, clutching the dress like a lifeline.

As I step out of the room, one thought echoes over and over in my mind.  He didn’t see a mate.  He saw a mistake, and now I have to live with it.

I press my back against the wall and try to steady my breaths, but it is no use.  There is nothing that can calm the storm raging in my chest.