Chp 1 Pt. 5 Moving Again

Ahsoka

I wake up earlier than I normally do. Dad normally doesn’t hit my face, but he was so drunk last night he struck me. I tuned out my surroundings that I don’t even remember him hitting me. Thankfully it’s not a huge bruise on my cheek but I’m having a hell of a time covering it up with make up. I’ll have to keep my hood up to cover my face. It’s slightly noticeable if anyone was looking too long at my face. I give up trying any further and head downstairs to make father’s breakfast. Once breakfast is finished and I clean up, I turn to head out the door to find father standing in the doorway watching me.

“Sorry my angel. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Father walks over to me and reaches to touch my cheek. We’re back to being nice, well his version of nice. I flinch slightly ,but his touch is soft as I hear him curse under his breath.

“I should’ve never struck your face. Now be a good girl and hide it well. You do that and I’ll have a gift waiting for you when you get home.” He is smiling at me like a loving father, but I can hear the threat in his voice.

“Yes father,” I sign to him.

“Good girl.”

He pulls me in for a hug which makes me stiffen at the strange embrace. I hug him back for fear of what he’ll do if I don’t. I hear the bus honk it’s horn and realize I’ve missed breakfast. Father throws an apple at me.

“Eat something before you go.” I sign ‘thank you’ as I head out the door to the bus. James opens the door for me with a warm smile. I smile back.

“Good morning dear. Ready for your second day of school?”

“Good morning, yes I have US history today. I love history,” I sign.

I like James. He seems really nice. I take my seat as he drives us to school. I don’t know what I am going to do about PE though. I was able to wiggle my way out of having to take PE the first two years of high school but now I don’t know what to do. I breeze through my AP class and US history class, they’re pretty easy. I hide during lunch not wanting to run into Nadia. She is a nice girl but I can’t afford to have friends that father will kill.

I am in the bathroom to avoid everyone. I take out the razor that I keep on me and roll up my sleeve. I have so many scars, but I can’t help my feeling of despair at the moment and need to feel something. I run the blade across my arm letting out a breath as tears sting my eyes. I can’t help but cry. I hear the bathroom door open which startles me and I cut deeper than I meant to. I try to hush my sobs as I try to get control of my emotions.

“Are you okay,” asks a voice.

I refuse to come out of the stall while I try to get the bleeding under control. The girl doesn’t say anything else and just leaves. I look at my watch and clean myself up as I know the bell is going to ring soon. After I place a bandage on my arm and wait to ensure it won’t bleed through onto my shirt, I make my way to the gym.

The bell rings letting me know I need to make my way to the locker room. It’s a hot day, despite it being mid-fall, but I decide to wear the sweats rather than the shorts in the gym uniform and I keep my long sleeve shirt on under my t-shirt. I can’t wear my hoodie too or I’ll die from the heat, so I just have to pray no one looks directly at me. I take my clothes and change in a bathroom stall and make my way to the gym.

“Everybody line up in five lines and spread out so we can stretch,” says the teacher. He notices my outfit and walks towards me.

“You must be Ahsoka. Dear you are not exactly in uniform and it’s really hot out.” I start signing to him but I can tell he doesn’t know sign language.

“I’m sorry dear I didn’t realize you couldn’t hear me. Umm…now I am just talking to myself.”

He walks away leaving me alone and I roll my eyes in frustration. At least he is leaving me alone, but he is right, it’s really hot today. We all begin stretching. We run about ten laps around the gym and I am dying as sweat pours from me, but I can’t go change.

I see the gym teacher writing on his note pad, still thinking I can’t hear. He walks towards me and hands me the note. I do my best to not roll my eyes and scribble on there that I’m fine. He looks at me skeptically as I stare back at him. He sighs in defeat and walks away. I take a long drink of my water hoping that’ll cool me off a l little bit. I hear the teacher say to form teams of four. Great. I see Nadia heading my way. She has three guys behind, one I would bet is her brother.

“Hi Ahsoka wanna be on our team? This is my brother Nicolai, but everyone calls him Nico and these are his best friends Jackson and Jayden, their twins. Jayden is my boyfriend,” she signs with a very cheerful smile.

She is so bright and bubbly I can’t help smile back. She bounces up and down taking my smile for a yes which is not what I meant by it, but now I can’t say no. Both Nico and Jackson are staring at me while glancing at each other as if they are having a mental conversation. Jackson elbows Nico as if they got caught talking about something they shouldn’t have.

“Hi it’s nice to meet you,” signs Nico.

He comes closer to shake my hand, but I am hesitant to shake his hand. He scrunches his nose and gets closer causing me to flinch. He has a look of concern on his face as he looks at me.

“What happened to your cheek,” he signs. Shit, I don’t need this. We just moved here. He reaches out again to touch my cheek and I flinch.

“I’m sorry I would never hurt you.”

I run out of the gym as fast as I can into the locker room. Class is almost over anyway so I decide to shower and head to the bus early. I can’t risk anyone else getting to close to me. I am going to have to start being mean to Nadia to keep her away from me. She’s too nice and I don’t want to see her get hurt. I rush inside the bus without saying hi to James. I can see the concern on his face, but he doesn’t ask me questions. I sit at the back of the bus since my stop is last. A stray tear falls as I hide my face in my hoodie while the rest of the kids load on the bus, laughing and joking with one another. Something I can never have.