The Beautiful Rogue

     " Well, well well....if it isn't the most distgusting and ugly thing I've ever looked at", my mother says with a sneer on her face. Giving me a sharp kick to my ribs, feeling as if the last breath has escaped my lungs. My thoughts running rampid and hoping today is the day that I die. Anything else has to be better than this shithole that I live in. " I hate you! You are nothing and will never be anything!" as she lands a hard slap to my face. I know better than to stand up for myself anymore, the last time I did that, I got a sharp heel to my thigh and the bruise was there for days. No one was going to save me....

     "WAKE UP!" Feeling hands grasping my shoulders, I wake up startled and look around for any threats. Allie leaning in my face, "It's just a nightmare, take deep breaths okay? No one is going to hurt you, you are safe." She says. Tears threatening to slide down my face, reaching out to her arms, "I'm okay....really.". Her mouth set in a thin line and not buying my bullshit, she walks out of my bedroom, "Breakfast is almost done". 

     I can smell the pumpkin spice cinnamon rolls from my bed and my mouth starts to water. One of my favorite things to eat for breakfast, that and coffee. I stumble out of bed and head to turn the shower on. Debating if I should take a cold shower to send my nerves into shock or a hot shower to relax my muscles. I've dealt with trauma for most of my life, too much but I am strong. I've survived the inevitable and will continue to be this way. The downfall? I can't have a healthy relationship to save my ass so I've settled on being single and have been for a few years now. It's better this way no matter how lonely I get. 

   Stepping under the hot water, my muscles start to relax and I sigh a breathe of relief. It won't ever end will it? The nightmares, the trauma, the fight to survive every.single.day. It's always the fight or flight feeling but I am getting better. I no longer have angry outbursts. I almost forgot how to laugh but this is what happens.

After spending 20 minutes on my hair as it takes me forever, hair down to my waist. I turn the water off and grab a few towels. "I am going to be late for work" I mumble to myself as I pick up the pace. Deciding on a braid, I quickly dry off and do my hair. Stopping to make sure my hair was decent, I look at the girl looking back at me. Standing at 5'11, black hair down to my waist and a slender body. I'm not ugly, I would say but what a waste. 

Grabbing my light blue scrubs and quickly throw them on and heading to the kitchen. Allie sitting at the kitchen table, already with her cinnamon roll and cup of coffee, I see she has the same for me on the opposite side of the table. "Have I ever told you that you are the best? Thank you". Looking at me, she doesn't say anything. I squint my eyes, "You want something....don't you?"...."Can't I do something nice for my best friend?"..My favorite breakfast and she has everything already set out for me. Now she does this every once in awhile but something in the air tells me she does, in fact want something...."Okay" she holds her hands up. "There's this place, we've never been and I want to check it out." looking at me with those pleading eyes..." Where is it?" I respond. "Well, you may not like it". Rolling my eyes " Do I ever?". " It's a place that is somewhat isolated and in the middle of no where, it's called the wolves den, Megan from work was telling me about it and she may be there tonight, can we please go?!".. Tapping my fingers on the table. It's not that she's asking my permission but we never go anywhere without the other. "One condition" pointing my finger in the air and glaring at her. "ANYTHING!" allie grins. "We take my truck but you drive". "Fine...that means I can't drink as much but whatever, just as long as we can go! Thank you!". Thinking it wouldn't be the first time we had a few and drove home. Once, in a moment of stupor, she dressed me up for halloween and we went out drinking, by the end of the night we ended up over a curb with a flat tire. Needless to say those days are behind us and we don't live near what I would call a city. We both grew up after everything. 

"I have the day off so I'll go buy us a new outfit, it'll be great!" Umph....."As long as it's classier and not revealing please" I respond. I never liked showing skin as I was told it "wasn't classy", I became insecure. I'll never show it to others as I was raised to never be weak. My biological father is an asshole, I used to work for him when I was younger and we would fight constantly. Eventually, he walked out of my life and haven't seen him since. His new wife at the time said she didn't want to raise someone else's children and here we are. Both my brother and I were thrown to the wolves and started fending for ourselves, however he received better treatment than I did. Luckily, I don't see any of them anymore. It's chaotic and it's so much better this way. Allie is my family and she has always stuck by my side. 

We met in nursing school and decided to move in together, moved out of state and never looked back. We know a bit of one anothers past but there's also this silent understanding to where nothing has to be said. "I am going to be late, I'll see you later girl", "See ya later!" she says.