FORTY SIX

ELOISE

My decision to still spend a few days with Orla turned out to be a blessing in disguise as I got to see Matthan every passing day. We went on dates and even on walks. It made it seem like a normal relationship. I did notice a difference. Unlike how it had been with John, I didn't feel fake. John had been great and I had loved him. He made life better. He was one of those people that actually made me enjoy life but the whole time we were together, there was just this voice at the back of my head, telling me it was all make-believe. Reminding me that no matter how hard I tried to be normal. I wasn't normal and I would never be. With Matthan, I really didn't have to hide some parts of myself. He knew it all. But that didn't also mean my relationship with Matthan was perfect. There were still cracks here and there. One thing that still bothered me was Matthan's dynamic when it came to relationships. It wasn't just the words Declan had whispered into my ears. I knew how he had been t