Desperate

Jessica 

“Julie, Jackson, hurry up!! We’re going to be late!” I call down the hall. Our new apartment is small, and my little sister immediately answers me as she walks by, her long brown hair falling by her waist. She is only twelve, but she acts like she’s sixteen with the attitude she has. 

“Don’t get your panties in a twist! We’re coming,” she grumbles as she heads for the kitchen cabinet, but I sigh, knowing she will be disappointed, “You didn’t get more cereal?” she asks when she sees the bare cupboard.

My heart sinks, and I shake my head, “No…I’m sorry. I didn’t have time.” I stutter out, but that’s a lie. I had the time; I didn’t have the money.

Jackson walks past me next, and I smile, fluffing his hair up. It’s hard to believe he just turned nine, and they weren’t here, “Jessica, STOP! I just got it the way I like it.” He says, rolling his eyes at me, and I look at his features; he looks so much like Dad- God, how I miss both of my parents so much.

Three months ago, I was at college in my second year in the best Pre-med program in the country, but now I am the guardian of my two youngest siblings: Julie and Jackson. I’ll never forget the day I got the call from the hospital.

“Is this Jessica Sanders? I hate to tell you this, but your parents were in a terrible car accident. I’m sorry, but they didn’t make it. Your siblings are here with us now, but we can’t keep them much longer. Is there someone we can call?”

But there wasn’t. We don’t have any other family. 

That was the worst day of my life. Not only did I lose my parents, but it was the day I dropped out of school and put my dreams aside to raise my siblings- it’s what Dad and Mom would have wanted, and I don’t regret it one bit, but it’s the hardest thing I have ever done. 

I had no idea how bad this financial struggle would be.

Debt.

Oh, My God- How did they have so much debt? Their life insurance policies went to paying off everything they owed, and we rented our house, so they left us with nothing. I blew through my savings, getting us this tiny two-bedroom apartment in the same school district my siblings already attended. It isn’t the nicest, but it works. I gave them each a bedroom, and I sleep on the pull-out sofa, but it’s worth it.

I wanted them to keep some of their comforts. I know they needed their friends. Hell, I wish all mine hadn’t left for college- I could use one too. 

“Here, eat a pop-tart,” I grin as I hand Jackson one, but I watch as Julie’s face falls.

“Mom, never let us eat that crap,” She says, her voice breaking, “She always made breakfast,” she says as her eyes fill with tears. I walk toward her and hug her tightly, and I sigh as she hugs me back. Her blue eyes look into mine, and I cup her cheeks in my hand.

“I know, but it’s all we have. I have a job interview today. We are going to be okay. Eat the pop-tart when you get home today: the kitchen will be fully stocked, okay?” She nods at me, and I wipe her tears. 

I don’t know how I will do this, but I will figure it out. We need the food. 

“Now, come on, you two, you are going to miss the bus,” I say, handing her the last pop-tart out of the box. 

I haven’t eaten today, but she needs it more than me.

 She smiles at me, and they both grab their backpacks. I grab my purse, and we walk out of our apartment door and down the three flights of stairs to the outside world. I hug them both as I look at the bus stop, “Remember, call me if you need me. Ms. Kush will be home if you need anything if I’m late.”

“Jessica, we aren’t babies. We don’t need the next-door neighbor to babysit us,” Jackson says as he glares at me. I chuckle, reaching to fluff his hair again, but he ducks out of my reach. I watch as they walk to the bus stop, and the school bus pulls up. They both get on, and I turn and walk in the other direction toward the city bus bench; we don’t have a car.  I sold mine to get everything we needed for the apartment.

I sit on the bench, reach for my phone, and pull up the ad again- “Wanted- Exotic Dancer for Club Steamy Hot. Please apply in person.”

Exotic Dancing: I can’t believe it’s come to this, but I am desperate. 

A girls gotta do what a girls gotta do, and I can’t disappoint my siblings. I HAVE to get this job- no matter what. We need food, and I have rent to pay! I have literally been applying everywhere but have had no luck- this is a last resort and my only hope.

 The city bus pulls up, and I climb the steps, using what little change I have left to pay for my ride. The driver smiles at me, “Another interview?” he asks, knowing this is my tenth one this week. I nod as I pull my skirt down. I am wearing a dressy skirt suit which seems odd for where I am interviewing for, but Mom always said to make the best first impression you can. 

I sit down in a seat and watch out the window as the city passes me by. It feels so hollow and empty now without them here. Yet, it still doesn’t feel real that they are dead.

Soon, we reach the street I need, and I pull the string. The bus stops, and I get off, walking to the building I need. I sigh as I spot the empty parking lot and a neon sign of naked women. It’s not lit, but since I grew up here, I know it moves, so it looks like she’s dancing topless. 

Classy.

I straighten my outfit one more time and inhale the biggest breath I have ever taken as I force my feet to move toward the front door.  The glass doors are tinted, and I can’t see inside, but I grab the door handle and pull it with all the force I can muster- I need to be brave. I need to rip this off like a Band-Aid. 

Unfortunately, the door is locked, and I tumble backward as it doesn’t move, falling flat on my ass and breaking my high heel. I growl as I stand up unevenly, taking my other heel off and throwing it; this is the last straw!

 I mumble, kick, and scream in anger like a child, “Damnit! Why can’t anything go right today!! Why does it say to apply in person, and they aren’t even open!!!” I grumble as I throw a fit in the parking lot of what I assume is a closed business. 

“Mhmm,” A man clears his throat from behind me, and I gasp- fuck. How much of that did he hear?

Sorry, Mom, it looks like my first impression is shit.