chapter 5

Samantha

Pleasure shot through me like a bolt of lightning.

I gasped and thrashed my head from side to side.

Some of the pain eased, and he slid in deeper. He continued rubbing my clit in tight circles, and my body seemed to melt under his touch.

I groaned and relaxed, and he finally was able to sink into the hilt.

Ryan paused, holding himself over me as if giving me time to adjust to him as he continued playing with me.

“That’s it,” he murmured. “Just like that, baby. I can feel you relaxing around me. I’m going to start moving again, all right?”

I dug my teeth into my bottom lip and nodded, unable to form a coherent sentence.

Ryan began to slide out of me. When only the tip remained inside me, he pushed back in.

There was a small amount of discomfort, but there was far more pleasure than before.

Ryan continued to move, pumping in and out of me faster and faster. I gripped his shoulders, hanging onto him as tightly as I could. I feared I would fly away if I didn’t cling to him.

Our movements grew more frantic.

Ryan kissed me again, swallowing my moans as I lost myself to the pleasure that he was giving me.

I felt a tightening deep in my belly.

It grew tighter and tighter, and I knew it was close to bursting. I wanted it to. I thought it would be devastating when that tightening finally snapped, but I wanted to know what it was like when it did.

“Ryan, don’t stop,” I gasped against his lips. “I’m close…I’m so close…”

Growling, Ryan pounded into me over and over. It was like he’d lost all control of himself, and I reveled in it. He was pushing me toward the edge, and I happily went careening over into the abyss.

My whole body seized and the pleasure that consumed me was so intense, I was momentarily blinded by it. I threw my head back and screamed.

Ryan pressed his hand over my mouth to muffle the sounds.

I was aware of him tensing above me and letting out an animalistic snarl, but it didn’t fully hit me that he was orgasming as well until I felt his essence pouring into me.

When I became aware of the world again, I felt exhausted but satisfied.

My body was heavy and seemed to sink into the soft moss beneath me.

I couldn’t help the dopey grin that curled my lips.

Ryan rolled off me and lay on his back next to me. He didn’t say a word, but his heavy breathing matched mine and filled the air around us.

After a few moments, I glanced toward him and gazed at his profile. He was staring up at the sky, his expression impossible to read.

“That was…amazing,” I said with a soft giggle.

Ryan didn’t say anything at first. Just continued to stare up at the sky.

Finally, he murmured, “You’re okay?”

I blinked, taken aback by the question. “Yeah, I’m great. What about you? Are you okay?”

Sitting up, Ryan ran a hand over his face and let out a deep breath.

“I should go,” he said, ignoring my question. “I don’t want Jason to catch us like this. He’ll kill me.”

I sat up next to him. I didn’t want him to go. I wanted the two of us to stay right there on the moss, cuddled together as we basked in the afterglow.

When I thought about it, though, he was probably right. Jason would be furious if he caught the two of us together.

“Okay.” I nodded, sending him a small smile. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. I…I should get back to my party before anyone notices I’m missing.”

“Yeah,” he murmured. “You should do that.”

He stood, did his pants back up, and then turned to help me up as well. Silently, he collected my clothes for me and helped me dress. He was being so attentive to me. So sweet. It made my heart flutter.

When we were both dressed and presentable, Ryan regarded me a long moment before saying, “Happy Birthday, Sam.”

I furrowed my brow. Was that it? Not exactly the goodbye I was hoping for…

He distracted me from my disappointment by leaning in and pressing a kiss to my forehead. Cupping the side of my face, he brushed his thumb along my cheek.

I stared up at him, completely at a loss for words as his gentle touch scrambled my mind.

When he dropped his hand, I felt a chill sweep over me.

“Goodbye, Sam,” he said.

“Goodnight, Ryan,” I replied with a small, shy smile.

I watched him turn and walk away. It was only when he disappeared into the woods that I turned in the direction of the party and headed back, practically skipping in my glee.

Is this what death feels like? This has to be what death feels like.

My head throbbed, and my stomach churned.

I didn’t want to open my eyes but forced myself to crack them just a bit. A bit of sunshine made its way past my curtains and landed on my face. I let out a hiss of protest and dragged my covers over my head.

I was never drinking again. I made the promise to myself right there and then.

“Sam, honey? Are you up? There’s breakfast!”

I groaned at the sound of my mom’s shout.

I knew I needed to get up and act like everything was all right and that I didn’t feel like my head was splitting open. If my mom found out I’d been drinking, she’d kick my ass into the next week.

Reluctantly, I threw the blankets off myself and crawled out of bed. I stumbled to the bedroom door and made my way out into the hall.

As I reached the stairs and began my descendent to the first floor, my brother’s voice floated in the air. I paused on the staircase and listened. He sounded upset.

I eased my way down the rest of the stairs and followed his voice to the living room.

Peeking through the open doorway, I found him pacing back and forth, talking into his cell phone.

“Ryan, dude? What the heck? Answer my calls!”

With a frustrated growl, he ended the call and shook his head, clearly agitated. Concerned, especially since he appeared to be trying to get a hold of Ryan, I hurried into the room.

“Hey, Jason, what’s wrong?” I asked, coming to a stop in front of him. “Why are you so upset?”

He shook his head again, so distracted by whatever was going on that he barely glanced at me.

“It’s Ryan,” he said. “I don’t know what’s going on, but he left without a word and now I’m stuck trying to find another ride back to school at the end of the week.”

I froze. It felt like my heart dropped out of my chest and straight to the floor. Ryan was gone?

“What do you mean he left?” I whispered, terrified of his response.

“He’s left town,” Jason answered impatiently. “No explanation as to why, and totally not what we’d planned. We were supposed to stay the whole break, but he took off at the crack of dawn this morning, apparently.”

I stared at my brother, too stunned to speak.

Ryan was gone.

He’d left, without a word, the morning after having sex with me.

The morning after taking my virginity.

I thought about the moments after we’d been together and realized what I’d thought had been sweet attention had really been guilt and regret. The blank expression on his face had masked the turmoil he’d been experiencing after sleeping with me.

Jason might wonder why his best friend had left without a word, but I didn’t have to. I knew instinctively that he’d run away from me and what we’d done.

Our night together had meant nothing to him. It had been nothing but a mistake.

My heart began to crumble, and it took every ounce of willpower I had not to break down into tears right then and there.

I couldn’t let Jason know how upset I was.

He could never know what I and Ryan had done.

It was a secret I would keep to my grave.

Ryan Carson had abandoned me and broken my heart.

I wouldn’t let him ruin the rest of my life.