Emily/Jocasta POV“Welcome to the third trimester, Mom and Dad,” says Dr. Goodmann. “Your baby is growing bigger every day. Soon, you’ll welcome him or her into the world.”Jacob and I smile at each other. I’m almost eight months pregnant and uncomfortably huge. Just like with Liam’s pregnancy, it took some getting used to my new body. But this time, I’m embracing it because we’re experiencing this journey as a family.At both Jacob and my insistence, we asked that Dr. not tell us the baby’s gender - we want it to be a surprise.The baby’s regular heartbeat tells us our little munchkin is healthy and strong.“Have you decided on a birthing plan yet? I don’t see any reason why you can’t have a natural birth,” she says.Every time she brings it up, Jacob diverts to another topic. Whether he likes it or not, this baby’s coming out either way.“Will any complications arise if we choose natural birth?” he asks.“I don’t see why not,” she says. “Emily is perfectly healthy. Even after enduri
“Hey there, stranger. Welcome back,” says a voice. I can’t make out who it is. Above me are bright lights. I squint to adjust my eyes to my unknown surroundings.My voice is scratchy and I struggle to speak, “Where am I?”“You’re in hospital,” says the voice, so soft and gentle.I make the outline of someone standing beside me and lift my head to see more.“Easy there,” comes the voice. It’s Jacob.I start crying, “The baby.”“The baby’s fine,” he says and shows me the machine monitoring the fetal heartbeat. “As strong as an ox, say the doctors.”“What happened?” I ask.“You collapsed, been out of it for three days,” he says. “Luckily, Olivia was with you and called an ambulance.”I want to sit up straight, but there are various tubes connected to my arms, obstructing my movement.“I just remember fitting on a bridal gown. I don’t know what happened after that,” I cry. “What’s wrong with me?”Jacob looks at me for a while but says nothing. There are tears in his eyes.“What’s wrong wi
Emily/Jocasta POVJacob is laying beside me in our tiny hospital bed. He insists that he wants to be by my side, even though the sleeping arrangement is killing his back.I put my hand in his chest and feel it expand as he breathes in and out. I can’t sleep here. Almost every trauma I endured happened between these four walls. So instead of drowning in the frustration of insomnia, I use the time to make lists of things I want to do and places I want to visit once I’ve checked out of Sacred Heart.I wait until Jacob is asleep before I take out my notebook. He became emotional the first time I showed my bucket list to him, so I jot down all my dreams and wishes in the dead of night.The nurses know not to come into the room when they see my night light on and only check in on me with a cup of tea every few hours or so.So far, I’ve made a list of memories I want Liam to remember me by, and places I want us to visit together, just the two of us. Olivia suggested I compose a video diary f
One evening I got a surprise visitor. There’s a knock behind the door and a wispy brunette peeks her head through the crack; it’s Ophelia.“Helloooo,” she smiles. She’s come bearing gifts, carrying a huge bunch of roses.“Wow, are those for me?” I ask.“Yes, she says. “But if you don’t like them, I can give them to the lady down the hall. I walked into her room by mistake thinking it was yours.”I respond by snatching the flowers from her, and joking, “Give them here!”“I’m glad to see you’re in good spirits,” she adds. “Thaddeus says you’ve been feeling very tired.”I sit upright and say, “That’s an understatement. Let’s just say I may fall asleep while you’re gossiping, so you better make it extra juicy.”Ophelia looks nervously around her, “Then I got nothing for you, I’m afraid.”She takes a seat opposite my bed. I can see something’s bothering her. “Hey, what’s up?” I ask her.“It’s Astrid, I haven’t heard from her for the past few months,” she says. “The last time I spoke to her
Jacob POVI am woken up by the buzzing of my phone on the nightstand. When I answer, it’s Dr. Richards on the line, “Mr. Collin, you need to come to the hospital now.”My brain sends signals to my limbs to move into action. Like a robot, I mechanically get dressed in the dark and rush to Liam’s room. He’s fast asleep, but I need to get him into the car. I can’t afford to lose precious time by calling someone over to babysit, so I bundle him up and carry him into the elevator.While we’re on our way down to the parking garage, he opens his eyes, “Dad, what’s going on?”I shush him back to sleep and he’s back in dreamland.The drive to the hospital is excruciating. Dr. wouldn’t have called me at this hour if it wasn’t an emergency. My mind keeps on playing different scenarios, all of them leading to the same end results.Keeping my concentration on the road is proving difficult and I struggle to keep to the speed limit, scared that I may get there too late.When I get there, I leave the
The parking garage is quiet and empty. None of the day shift staff have arrived yet. I stand against the cold wall and gather my skittled thoughts.I was wrong to get angry at Thaddeus. None of this is his fault. If there’s anyone to blame, it has to be me. I’m the only one that’s known about Jocasta’s diagnosis.“Jacob,” shouts Thaddeus from the emergency exit. He jogs towards me and tries to speak but struggles to catch his breath.“Look, I’m sorry. I was so desperate for her to get better, that I may have been too hasty to get her on the treatment,” he breathes. “I honestly thought it was going to work.”“I don’t blame you,” I say. “I was angry and lashed out at you.”“Blame me if you want, because I blame myself,” he says. There’s a dejected look in his eye.“No, I should have told her the truth,” I admit.“The truth about what?” he asks and strands upright.This lie is killing me, I can’t let it destroy my wife and baby as well. Maybe if I confess my sins, my punishment might not
Emily/Jocasta POVYou know when people describe their near-death experiences as walking towards a bright light? Mine was nothing like that.For me, it was falling into a vat of creamy liquid and being suspended between space and time. The protection of the womb-like state offered me comfort and reassurance that I would be fine.Why would I want to go back to a world of uncertainty and sorrow when everything I want is right here?Memories are flashing through my mind, firing off like sparks from a fire, But they are muddled up and confusing. I can’t tell which ones are Emily’s or Jocasta’s. It’s hard to concentrate on just one at a time.I close my eyes and focus on one in particular; it’s of a beautiful woman cradling a baby in her arms. She’s standing in a nursery, and there’s a quilted blanket in the crib.She starts singing a lullaby, and it’s the same one Ophelia sang months ago when I first discovered my real identity. I gasp in recognition - it’s my mother.She can’t see me, but
I’m in the conservatory with Liam. Dust motes are floating in the sun’s rays while we sit side by side, both of us with a notebook.He’s making squiggles on a page, round and round until the pencil pierces through to the next page. “Do you think Mom loves us?” he asks.“Why do you ask that?” I glance at him and stop drawing. I’m trying to sketch gladiolus flowers from memory but I keep on getting stuck on the intricate detail of the petals. This is my third attempt. I tear the page from the notebook and throw it onto the heap of pages collecting next to me.“Last night she told me I’m not a good boy after I wet the bed. I can’t help it, Emily. Sometimes, it just comes out,” he grimaces.“It’s not your fault, you do know that?” I add. “Mom just gets upset really fast.”“I know, it’s that when she gets like that, I get scared,” he says.I move closer to him, “Do you know, when I get scared, I just tell myself that soon it will be over. Mom doesn’t stay angry for long. You just have to w