Chapter 5 | Confusion

Lux

From what I was told, surgery only took an hour. But I felt like I was descended into darkness for hours.

I got shot by a hunter using a bullet laced with wolfsbane. It wasn’t enough to kill me, and we believe it was only meant to subdue me and my wolf, but because of Silas pushing me into the water, it ended up hitting my side and it caused lots of bleeding. The doctor stitched me up and gave me painkillers and put me in a room to recover, but now that I’m eighteen my wolf is closer to the surface and once, they got rid of the shards of the bullet that were in me, my wolf began to heal me. It was a slower process since I haven’t officially shifted yet, but they expected I should move around just fine by dinner.

Everyone has been visiting with me and right now I have my eyes closed, so they think I’m sleeping, but I can’t sleep. All I can think of is Silas and how he kissed me.

Why did he do it?

I don’t understand. I thought he thought of me as a sister.

I’ve only ever kissed one boy before, and it was a secret no one knew about. I had kissed Calvin when we were young teens. We kind of started having feelings for one another and seriously contemplated trying to date. But when we kissed, it felt so wrong... like kissing a sibling. We never tried to date again.

I never even thought about having feelings for David or Silas after that, because I was sure that the outcome would be the same.

But... Silas was different. I wanted to groan in frustration because all I can think about is his pillow soft lips and the way he tasted like cotton candy, one of my favorite treats.

I hear a voice that makes me jump, “If you keep thinking so hard, you might hurt yourself.”

I huff, “Jesus, Kai! What the hell?”

He laughs, “Glad to see you’re okay, Lux.”

I roll my eyes, “No thanks to you.”

He chuckles and says, “It’s just the two of us, sis. What’s got you thinking so hard? It almost gave me a headache.”

Before I can even open my mouth, he asks, “Are you scared? You know it’s rare for people to get on our land, especially hunters. They’re just more determined because you and I are a hot commodity for the black market. But we’ll never let anything happen to you, Lux.”

I shake my head no, “I wasn’t worried about it. I know no one will let anything happen to me.”

“Then... what’s wrong?” He asks in an exasperated tone, like he’s tried to think of every reason I would be upset, and he can’t figure out how to make me better.

I sigh as I think of my brother’s overprotective nature, and I wonder if he will be mad at Silas for kissing me. I say, “You can’t get all upset, okay? I don’t want anyone to know about it. I mean, I don’t think he even knows that I remember it.”

“Okay... I’ll keep it a secret. What’s up?” The concern is very clear in his voice.

I press my lips together and then blurt out, “Silas kissed me!”

I hear almost like a spray sound and then him sputtering as he chokes out, “Wh-what?”

My eyebrows furrow and I ask, “Were you drinking water?”

“Not the point here. Silas kissed you?”

I nod to confirm his question and he asks, “Like... did you want him to?”

“He kind of just did it. He was carrying me here, and I was almost unconscious and then he put his lips against mine and it just...” I sigh, “I don’t know.”

Kai is quiet, he’s thinking, knowing that he needs to respond to this situation delicately. He huffs, “I don’t even know what to say because I’m not sure how much I want to hear. Like... he isn’t your mate, is he?”

I shake my head no and bite my lower lip nervously as I admit the one thing I didn’t even know I felt until now, “No, he’s not... but I want him to be.”

“Lux...” He trails off and I sigh, “I know... my mate will be the one I’m destined to be with. And obviously it isn’t Silas, otherwise he would be mine.”

Honestly, I’ve reached a point in my life where I’ve accepted the fact that I’m blind and I don’t normally wish to see another person. But right now, I wish I could see Kai. I wish I could tell what he was thinking.

I hear a door open and I hear my mom’s voice, “Oh honey, I’m so glad you’re up.”

I smile at her and hear my dad’s voice, “How are you feeling, sweetheart?”

We make some small talk until the doctor comes to check on me and happily says that I’m good enough to go back to the main house and that by the end of the night, we shouldn’t be able to tell the difference. It makes me so grateful for my wolf and her healing abilities. 

Silas

Why on earth did I kiss her?

I don’t know what came over me, but I haven’t been able to stop beating myself up over it. She is doing okay. I’ve seen her, and the doctor wasn’t worried. But I didn’t stay around the hospital for too long. I just don’t know how to face her now.

She was blacking out when I did it, so there’s a chance she doesn’t even remember it. A part of me hopes she doesn’t remember. It will make things so much harder. But a small part of me hopes she remembered and that maybe, just maybe, she liked me back...

I won’t know and I’m never going to bring it up. If she wants to talk to me about it, then that’s on her. 

I walk to the third floor of our pack house/palace. Because we are a part of the royal pack, the pack house isn’t like a traditional pack house and instead looks like a freaking castle. We have a ballroom, a humongous dining hall, several floors. It’s been rumored that there’s even hidden passageways. 

The third floor is the space that houses the royal Beta and Gamma families. Each side had their own wing that was plenty big for their whole family and in the middle, there was a giant living area for all of us. I sit down on my favorite recliner and I lean my head back in frustration. I can hear footsteps as someone comes into the room and from the scent I smell, it’s my mom. She asks, “What’s got you down, son?”

I huff as I open my eyes and look around the room and once I see no one else is there, I tell her honestly, “I wanted Lux to be my mate, but she’s not.”

“Ah,” she responds as she sits down across from me and she says, “You know, sometimes that works out for the best. I love Lux and would’ve been thrilled if she was yours or David’s mate, but the moon goddess knows what’s best for all of us. Think about Lux’s parents, they never would’ve ended up together if Zane hadn’t rejected Ri in the first place.”

I look at her with my eyebrows furrowed slightly in confusion. To be honest, none of us kids really know the story of the King and Queen and how they got together. And I thought the queen had just dated Zane. I didn’t know that he was her original mate... how did that all work out?

My curiosity is overwhelming and I ask, “How did that happen?”

My mom sighs, “That’s a story that is not mine to tell. But I’m sure Arch and Ri would be happy to tell you.”

She called the King and Queen by nicknames because they’ve all been like family for so many years. We were taught to address the King and Queen formally in front of others and otherwise; it was like calling them uncle and aunt. As we got older, we all adapted to calling them King and Queen because that was the proper thing to do. 

Mom stands up, and she says, “I know it’s disappointing, Si, but there has to be a reason for everything. Don’t fret over it. When you find your true mate, trust me, it will be like the only feelings you’ve ever had for Lux have been completely platonic.”

I can only hope that she is right.