CHAPTER 6: The Confession

It was the 6th of November, the day the sessionals were supposed to end, who knew all of our lives were going to turn upside down in a few days. I didn't know what was happening to me, my feelings grew stronger and stronger day by day, and being with Alizeh made me relaxed, made me happy yet satisfied. I don't know why being in her company made me like that, maybe the way she talked to me, or the way she smiled and laughed with me, maybe her voice, the way she cared for me, or maybe her presence, all of these things made her a very beautiful person not only from outside but from inside too.

 Maybe I was in love, and it was nothing like shown in movies where the music starts playing in the background or violin starts playing or something. I just think it's a very pure feeling or a pure connection, a feeling literally so amazing which gives you the strength to do absolutely anything for the person you love and care about no matter however dangerous it is. There is so much warmth and satisfaction in that feeling, and maybe that's the reason the person becomes happy, I still don't know but all I knew was one thing that Alizeh has made all of this possible for me. When you are in love with someone, you just accept them for what they are no matter what their past was, you just want to be with them for a beautiful future. You just want them around all the time, being around them puts a smile on your stupid face, and sometimes you want that only, just to be around them even though they couldn't be yours and maybe I wanted that smile and happiness to stay in my life.

So, I made a decision, I went to Rahul and jokingly told him that "Tomorrow is your birthday party and only you can do something for me. I think the time has come and maybe you should give Alizeh a hint or something that Varun likes you, just don't tell to her directly and tell it to her only after if she gets drunk because maybe she'll not remember it(laughing)", but only I knew how badly I wanted her to know that. I told Rahul that "Do this only if you'll get the right opportunity tomorrow no matter whatever happens" and he agreed to do that. After the first paper on 6th, I again decided something that "I'll not talk to Alizeh until tomorrow because I wanted to know that if she gets affected by my presence or not, she wants to talk to me or not, she cared for me or not, she enjoys my company or not as much as I enjoyed all of this. So I did that because I wanted to be sure this time and wanted to see that if she'll come around when I felt lonely or not".

So, her messages started coming few minutes before the second paper - "I don't think I will able to do VEG(Value Ethics And Governance one of our subject) this time, it is so much!", I decided to ignore that no matter how much I wanted to support and boost her confidence I couldn't talk to her because I wanted to be sure.

Then again her messages came, one at around 7 pm and a few others at around 10 pm, then also I didn't reply. Then again her message came saying "Did something happen?", after half an hour a new message came saying "Please tell na yaar, what happened?", I decided to ignore all of these messages and then I got busy with Rahul's birthday as it was 7th of November.

At around 12, we all went to give Rahul birthday bombs and Kabir also came, I tried to be with him all the time, after giving him the bombs we all went into the room to cut the cake but he didn't come. I went out again to search for him but he went back to his room, I really wanted for him to be there for at least until the cake got cut but maybe he had work to do so he left and also Alizeh's messages popped again saying "Tell me what happened okay? I am feeling very tensed", I didn't see her messages at that time but when I saw them I decided to reply as it was the next day and I got to know that "Yes she gets affected".

I asked her "Why are you feeling tense? I was just a little upset, I didn't know what happened to me, I just didn't feel like talking to anyone, that's why I didn't speak to anyone, I was just feeling very lonely I hope you'll understand". Then she told me "WHY, can't you be tensed about your friend?, and no worries yaar, I understand, this happens at times, now you are alright na? If you want you can talk to me, you know that right?. And I thought that I had done something that's why you were behaving like this." and I told her that "YES, I do feel good now and we don't even meet properly meet during the day, so what can you do to make me feel like this?" And she said, "I know but SORRY and call me when you'll go to lab tomorrow, we will go together".

The next day began, it was the 7th of November. My day started with me and Alizeh going to the lab together and we decided something that as the sessionals just got over a day before and we were both tired, both of us will not attend the class that day. So after the lab which was over by 11 am, we didn't attend any of the classes and instead went back to the hostel and say together near the Coffee House.

We sat there and talked about everything, from friends to family, from love to relationships and breakup, from academics to sitting with each other in the class, we literally chatted over everything and time passed. Even Kabir joined us for a little while, but he had to leave as he had a lab, but we both sat there till 2 pm that is for almost 3-3.30 hours. The time went by so quickly that we both didn't even have a clue at what was going on, literally we were both so much busy with each other and just talking to each other, both of us just lost the track of time, although we decided to leave the class just to sleep as both of us were tired but we sat there for almost 3 fucking hours. I even didn't pick up anyone's call and just kept talking to her and that was literally amazing.

While we were sitting there we even discussed our friendship. I told her "If both of us had met each other in the first year, we would have had spent so much time together and we would have been best of friends" and she told me "Absolutely, I was thinking about the same the other day, I just wish we have met before and we both got to know each other" and with all those cute moments our chat ended and we both left.

After 10-15 mins her message popped up saying "Should I tell you something?" And I said go on and she said, "Today it felt really good". I told her that "I also felt really good, you are a very good person and stay happy always and if anything happens you will tell me, you get that right? And also if you even think of crying you will just talk to me okay?", and she said "You are also a good person, stay happy always and you can also talk to me idiot, do you understand this?" And then she randomly texted me "Idiot" and I asked her "Why would you say idiot to me now? I didn't do anything stupid!" and she said "Areyy, I just wanted to say it! Don't worry". I might be wrong but that day I thought that "Whatever I feel for her, maybe it was not one-sided, maybe she liked me too" because from the last couple of days I was having a strong feeling that maybe she likes me too, but the truth about all of it was just a couple of days away and now it was time for Rahul's birthday party where all the dynamics changed.

So, in the evening started before going to his birthday party we had a quiz, so we all decided to first give the quiz in mess and then leave for his birthday which was at temptations( a restaurant/pub near the hostel). We all reached the mess and Alizeh came too. I can't even tell you how beautiful and stunning she was looking in that black jeans and that neon pink jacket. We both sat together and gave the quiz, the only problem with her was she used to be very tense at times, just losing her calm and starts cussing everything, then I had to calm her down. All the way to temptations I was just supporting her along with Kabir to calm her down and asked her to relax and enjoy the party to the fullest.

We all reached temptations, but the sitting arrangement was not yet decided, but all my friends had something in their mind for my seating arrangement(laughing). When we entered Shanaya and Reva just shifted towards the end of the table in such a way that only three seats were left and Shanaya made me sit next to her with Alizeh on my other side and then Kabir. I mean here also they planned all of this just to make me happy. Just like that party started and all of us started to gossip and chat with each other but then the bottles were opened and all the drinkers got excited, and every drinker grabbed a glass and made a quarter for themselves and started drinking.

Amidst all of this Alizeh told me that she did not plan on drinking today and I told her "Well it's your choice, don't worry if you don't want to drink then don't but if you feel like then you should drink", and then someone started smoking and her message came "I am feeling irritated somehow" and I told her "Same yaar, I am also feeling very bored and irritated and I asked her shall we go out?", without waiting for her answer I asked Shanaya about the same and I asked Alizeh and Kabir to get up and let's get out, so all of us went out and just sat on the tables outside. We all were chatting and Alizeh was sitting by my side but then I felt that I should stay away from her so I just went away and stood in just another corner but then something awkwardly amazing happened, Alizeh came and stood by my side and that was something awkward that happened. I stood there for a moment and wondered that "Was that really happening with me?", but I just intended to ignore that fact and just continued to wander here and there. No matter wherever I went Alizeh came and stood by my side, she even messaged me "You just enjoy na, don't think too much, come here only na and sit with me, don't get worried na" and I told her "Nothing happened to me!" And she asked me "Are you sure na?" And I told her "Just don't worry about me and you enjoy yourself!".

But I think she noticed that I was upset so she never left my company and came wherever I went, but then she suddenly decided to get drunk, as Kabir was also drunk so I had to be there to handle both of them not as such for Kabir but for Alizeh,

I had to be there. After getting drunk she was a completely different person, it was like she became a child again that day. She started running around here and there, started playing with the fan(laughing) and became quite frank and suddenly she got really comfortable with me, also held my hand and dragged me at certain places, sat near me, rested her head at my shoulder, literally dragged me by holding my hand to take the picture, while saying "Hey Idiot, come here with me, I want to take a picture with you!" And then we took a picture together. While I was busy with taking care of Alizeh, Akash became really drunk and all of us had to divert our attention towards him, while Rahul also became really drunk, he just again and again started going near Reva and trying to talk to her and all of us were trying our best to keep both of them separated.

Amidst all this, Rahul came to me and asked "So, what have you thought, should I go and give Alizeh hint about how you feel about her?" And I told her "There is no need now, I just don't want things to just get out of hand, and also I think she likes me too but we shouldn't do anything stupid, which may make things worse and also she is really drunk so let it be, there is no need now!" And with that, I held Rahul back from telling her and then went again around Alizeh because someone had to take care of her, although Kabir was there already I couldn't resist, I had to take care of both of them, I even made a video of how much stupidity she was doing when she was drunk, of course, while taking permission of Kabir as I did not want to capture anything without his permission.

With all of that and all of the fun, the party ended and we all went back to the hostel. But Akash was not well I think, especially after drinking so much and also after that infamous "ON MY WAY" dance, so he along with Shiv, Nikhil and Sahil went to his room as he was feeling puckish. While waiting for the rest of them to come outside Dominos(an outlet in the hostel), all four of us sat there were me, Alizeh, Shanaya, and Kabir. While all four of us sat there, I texted Kabir "If you won't just take Alizeh and spend some time together and take care of her as she was really drunk" and he replied, "We are here only don't you worry!".

After some time something beautiful happened, Alizeh asked

me to come and sit with her and she told me "Do you know? Tu Bohot Achha hai! (means you are really good!)" And I jokingly told her "Yes yes I know that(laughing)!" And guess what she hit me(in a friendly way). I thought she now had become very much comfortable with me and was around me all the time, she never left me and that started to prove a lot of things to me.

All of us were really hungry, so we went to Dialog(another restaurant in the hostel) just to have dinner. That dinner was really funny because most of them were really drunk. Piyush, Kabir, Aarush, Alizeh were all drunk but Piyush took the opportunity to go and give the order with Kabir, he was so much drunk that instead of typing a four-digit pin for billing he asked Kabir "How many digits pin does a debit card have, 6 digits right?" And that was the moment when we all burst out of laughter. Then I told Shanaya and Alizeh about my sister and mother and they both really got excited seeing my family, I don't know why. In Dialog also, Shanaya made me sit next to Alizeh, and Alizeh talked to me and Kabir for as long as we were there for dinner.

Then suddenly Rahul along with Shiv and Sahil entered and he asked Shanaya to "Just call Reva and ask her to come down as I want to talk to her and also ask whether she was okay or not as she was not picking up my phone". That moment Shanaya got a little irritated saying "Why does he can't let Reva be on her own, why does he want to have Reva around him all the time" but I made her understand that he was drunk that's why he was saying all this. This made her calm down, but I think the plan made by me, Shiv, and Piyush worked.

We three decided that it would be better for Reva to stay away from Rahul after his party because he intended on saying Reva some things but we didn't want him to make Reva uncomfortable so we all decided to send Reva to her room as soon as we reach the hostel and also asked Reva to even not pick up his phone or respond to his messages. I thought that was necessary to do and I think all of it worked because Rahul might have said something to her which may have made things out of control so it was better to make both of them stay away from each other. After that, we calmed Rahul down and decided that we all should hang out for some time more, so we all decided to go to B2 common room(a room where girls and boys can together sit and chill) which included Sahil, Shiv, Aarush, Rahul, me, Shanaya, Kabir, Piyush, and Alizeh.

I decided to stay with Rahul as he had to change and asked the rest of them to go and told them we will be coming soon, while Alizeh asked me "Are you not coming? come na!" And I said to her you all go on, I will be there soon. So we went to Rahul's room where he said something to me "Today you hurt me, as I got to know that you spent 3 hours with Alizeh and you didn't even pick our phone, this was not expected, you should have picked up my phone" and then he started crying. This was not that emotional of a topic but as he was drunk I accepted my mistake and hugged him, there was nothing more I could have done at that time. Then we both went to B2 common room while the others were already sitting there. All of us just chilled there and joked around with everyone. We just sat and chatted while sitting there and just enjoyed all of it and then it was near to 11 pm

and we all had to be back to our rooms.

Alizeh and Kabir got up and shook hands with Rahul and all of them, and said "Bye" to us, although Kabir shook hands with me, I asked Alizeh "At least shake hands with me, as you are going". Then she just smiled looking me into the eyes and said "Buddhu" and just hovered her hands over my hair and went. That feeling is really hard to describe but all of this was really very overwhelming for me and that was really the best day I have had in my entire life.

We all reached our rooms as it was 11 pm

( in time for girls and boys). I went to sleep in Aarush's room as Priyank had gone home(if he had stayed he would have also seen all this), then she texted me again.

( I am just changing the order of things from here, now things will proceed with conversations and paragraphs in between, so please bear with me! ).

Alizeh: "Oi, was I irritating today because I don't remember half of the things, so please tell me?"

Varun: "You were 0% irritating, don't worry"

Alizeh: 'You sure na?, Did I say anything stupid to you?"

Varun: "You didn't do anything irritating or idiotic. Instead, all you did was praise me and nothing else!"

Alizeh: "Ohh, then good. By the way, what did I say to you?"

Varun: " You only said that I am a really good person, what else would you have said?"

Alizeh: " I wanted to say a lot of things, but now I won't tell you"

Varun: " Okay, tell me whenever you feel like and whenever you are comfortable"

Alizeh: " I am very comfortable, but I am not telling you about it on texts"

Varun: " Whenever we meet tomorrow, just tell me then okay?"

Alizeh: " Yes, and if I did anything or if I was clingy then I am sorry!"

Varun: " You did nothing, okay? Are you mad or what! Even if you had done anything I would have stopped you right there only. Now if you feel sleepy you can sleep or want to talk can talk!"

Alizeh: " Achha, then good. And Haan baba I know that is why I texted you na!"

Varun: "So tell me what do you wanna talk about?"

Alizeh: " Absolutely anything, you tell. By the way, today you saw me drunk, did you enjoy it?"

Varun: " Yes, I really enjoyed it. At least I got to see you when you are drunk and it was really enjoyable, you were such a child! And you did nothing which would cross any limit so don't worry! You just enjoyed yourself"

Alizeh: "Thank god!"

Varun: " You were mostly with me and Kabir only and we didn't let anything stupid happen to you"

Alizeh: " Thank you, and I know I was with both of you only because I didn't felt safe with anybody else"

Varun: " You feel safe with me? Aww...."

Alizeh: " Yes idiot, if I didn't felt safe, why would I stay with you after getting drunk? I was trying that you or Kabir was always near me. "

Varun: " Yes, I knew, I understood that"

Alizeh: " Thanks, and should I say something?"

Varun: "Ya sure, go ahead"

Alizeh: " Tu Kaafi Pyaara Sa hai.(You are so adorable.)"

Varun: "Why?"

Alizeh: "You are! You just worry about everyone and everything so much that's why"

Varun: " I am not, but if you say so then okay I accept it! I am like this only, if someone accepts me then okay, if they don't then I get away from them by myself only."

Alizeh: " Don't get away from me please!"

Varun: "Why? You will get many friends like me. And I don't want to get away but you don't know na when things get out of hands, that's why don't think about future so much, everything is so good now so let it be and don't worry!"

Alizeh: "Okay so you listen to me! I only stay this close for so much time to a very few people, so that's it, and also I don't what that to happen too! And let's hope everything stays good. I just think about it sometimes that's why I worry!"

Varun: "You are genuinely really good, you know that na? At least for the people you care about"

Alizeh: " This I know, and you need to do that at least for the important people"

Varun: " At least I secured a place in the list of your important people, even though I come at last position but at least I am there"

Alizeh: " You idiot, should I tell you about your position? Promise me you won't get shocked?"

Varun: " Tell me!"

Alizeh: " 1st for Kabir and Divya. You are at second with Priyank, in my priority list."

Varun: " How did I get such a top score on your priority list? Actually, I expected first position(laughing)"

Alizeh: "You got such a top score because you are an idiot, Buddhu. And I never give anyone first position because you never know what will happen."

Varun: "But I genuinely did nothing special for you."

Alizeh: " You think it this way na! But you don't know how much peace I feel after talking to you and I have felt this way after a very long time."

Varun: "Same, by the way! And I was joking about the first position thing, and I just wanted to clarify this because if felt hurt by this then sorry because I genuinely don't want to hurt you!"

Alizeh: " I was not hurt by this, just relax okay! And same yaar, if I hurt you by mistake, just come to me and slap me or hug me whatever you feel like doing"

Varun: " I don't even touch girls and you are asking me to come and slap or hug you, are you mad or what?"

Alizeh: " Aww... So cute yaar!"

Varun: " I feel like I have to maintain a certain distance that's why no hugs too"

Alizeh: " Yes I know this about you, but you can do friendly hugs with some people if you and the other person are comfortable with each other!"

Varun: " I will become comfortable just give me some time, and you are very comfortable.That I saw today!"

Alizeh: " You didn't feel awkward na today? I don't remember much but I remember that I did randomly held your hands"

Varun: " No I didn't don't worry!"

Alizeh: " Yaar, I am having pain because of PMS, what should I do?"

Varun: " If I was with you, I would have held your hands to give you support but I don't know what should I do from here?"

Alizeh: " The most you can do is just sit there and talk to me and you are already doing that!"

Varun: "Yaar, now topics are also over. What should we talk about now?"

Alizeh: " Arey, how can the topics be over, today we talked to each other for 3 hours and you are saying topics got over, idiot!"

Varun: "Yup, exactly!"

Alizeh: " The picture of a cake you showed me in cafe dialog, was for your sister na? Did you wish her a birthday from my side?"

Varun: "Yes, it was for my sister and I did with her from your side, don't worry!"

Alizeh: "Yaar I also want that type of cake on my next birthday"

Varun: " You will get it don't worry, somebody will give you!"

Alizeh: "Yayyy!"

With all of this, our conversation ended that day and all this made me believe more and more that she did like me. I don't know what was happening, but all of this was more than friendship, I didn't know or was not sure at that time, but maybe I was presuming things or exaggerating them but I really felt that there was something more to this friendship which was yet to be figured out. With all of these thoughts I slept that day and it was the 8th of November the next day

and Alizeh's message was already there saying "Just call me when you leave for the lab, we will go together".

I called her and we went to the lab together, although we didn't sit in the lab together we talked to each other all the time through texts. She told me more about her life, I joked around with her literally until she got irritated(laughing), it was really fun. She even told me "I can't say all these things to Kabir" and I said, "That is why I am here na!".She then said, "You are not in my life for this reason only, you are here because of many other reasons!". After the lab, we were supposed to leave together but then Shiv told me that Reva wanted to see me and we can't tell Rahul about it, so I asked Alizeh to handle the situation till the time we both get back because Rahul asked all of us to come and sit with him in the Amul cafeteria, so Alizeh did what I told her to do.

Amidst all the tension in the air, I and Shiv went to meet Reva. She asked me to sit down and she told me " I had broken up with Prathu because I didn't have any feelings for him now! " and I was like "WTF!".But then I knew about the impact that this information will have on Rahul so first of all I asked Reva was " Not to tell Rahul at least for some time, because he was so vulnerable and desperate at that moment, he would do absolutely anything, so he needed not to get to know about it at least for now!". She agreed to do that and asked me "Tell me Varun, whether it's madness or love that Rahul shows?". I told her "He shows a bit of both, but that doesn't change the fact that he really loves you and you know that he would do absolutely anything for you but yes, sometimes he does get very much overboard which can be considered madness, nevertheless, he really loves you".

She then asks "Tell me what should I do? He does so much for me and also it is not like that I don't like him, I do like him but not in that sense, maybe with time I will, but I do not have feelings for him!". I told her "It's absolutely your choice to do whatever you want to do, but just remember don't do anything because you feel sympathetic for him because if you get into a relationship with him, then it would be a really big responsibility and then you have to go all in to make that work because he will do that. I also would suggest you to take your time at least 2-3 months or more to make your decision and don't make your decision based on what Rahul does for you, make your decision based on how you feel for Rahul, that's it nothing more or less!".

After all this Shiv and I went to the Amul cafeteria where all of them were waiting for both of us. We reached there and then I told Alizeh about what Reva told me without anyone knowing and I asked her to please not tell Rahul about it because of all the reasons I mentioned above and she told, "Do not worry and I will never tell him until Reva doesn't."

After that, as all of our classes were canceled and just to lighten up the mood, we all decided to go to THADI(Our very own food joint) to fill up our stomachs and enjoy ourselves. We all really enjoyed the time there, but on our way back, I was just walking a few meters behind Alizeh and Kabir, and I saw them having a fight and Kabir left Alizeh and went to college. But I couldn't see her this way and I asked her what happened and she told me "I don't know yaar what was happening, from the past few days we both are fighting a lot and I don't know how to handle this maybe I am irritated that's why or because of PMS" and I told her "Frankly speaking I don't know too because I haven't been in a relationship till now in my life so maybe I couldn't give you the best advice for this. But, you know, it's neither your fault nor his and I know that you guys can sort out anything between both of you, just calm down and this time you take the higher road and say sorry to him because sometimes the ego shouldn't matter and you guys love each other and that's what matters the most, just relax everything will be fine and I know you both will sort it out don't worry". I shook hands with her and told her to relax and then all of us went to our rooms.

Varun: "Listen, just keep calm and if you want, just talk to me and also give it some time everything will be fine between you guys!"

Alizeh: "Yes, thank you really! Should I ask you something?"

Varun: "Okay ask me!"

Alizeh: "When I asked you about Ishani, you said that she will 99% talk about me and you will not listen to her. What does that mean that you will not listen to her?"

Varun: "It means that I will not listen to anything wrong about you!"

Alizeh: "Varun you na, just make me cry(cry of happiness) always, and if she says anything to you just listen to her okay?"

Varun: "What a joke!"

Alizeh: "How can it be a joke? I genuinely don't care!"

Varun: "Exactly! You shouldn't care about what others say about you."

Alizeh: "Yes, whatever anyone wants to say just let them say, I care about only what a few people say about me!"

Varun: "Whatever it is between you two, I will try to solve it. You must have also felt upset about some things that she did and vice-versa, so it's mutual I guess and I think you should try to sort it out with her and I'll help you out"

Alizeh: "Okay, if you say so, I will try to sort it out with her one last time!"

Varun: "By the way, you told me na you will tell me about what did you wanted to say me, so tell me?"

Alizeh: "Ohh, yes I remember. It was about praising you only!"

Varun: " I am not that good actually, you know that na?"

Alizeh; Idiot, you are really very good and you are really very important for me!"

Varun: "Let's see where this importance goes after we leave college!"

Alizeh: "Yes, we will see, I mean you will see by yourself."

Varun: "Yes, I am seeing now only na!"

Alizeh: "What happened, did I say anything hurtful?"

Varun: "From not talking to each other to becoming best friends, how much more importance you will give me?"

Alizeh: "I don't know about how much more, but I will always give you this much importance, and hearing best friends felt really good!"

Varun: "Yes!"

We joked around for quite some time then I asked her -

Varun: "Should I ask you something?"

Alizeh: "Ask me!"

Varun: "I am only asking it in a general way, just don't think about it too much please, I just want to know a female perspective of what girls think about me okay?"

Alizeh: "Okay baba, ask me na!"

Varun: "Just imagine that if you were single, would you date a guy like me? I am just asking, you don't have to answer if you don't want to!"

Alizeh: " Yes Varun, I would!"

Varun: " Please don't think about it too much. But why?"

Alizeh: "You are asking me why. Have you ever seen yourself, you would have been a really good partner"

Varun: "I don't think so!"

Alizeh: "You are just so much caring and mature, and I don't know about other girls but all I need is a caring and mature person. You are genuinely very caring and you should know that, and not even that, you are understanding too!"

Varun: " I am not that good, but if you are saying that, I believe you! And if I had said anything that crosses a limit then just ignore that please!"(I had to change the context because it was getting really awkward for me!)

Alizeh: "Good, just believe whatever I say. You are really very good and I really hope whenever you date someone, that girl is also really good-hearted like you and if I get hurt about anything na, I will tell you about it so don't worry!"

Varun: "Just like you?"

Alizeh: "I am not that good actually!"

Varun: "No, you are, I know you na just believe me!"

Alizeh: "If you are saying that, I believe you!"

Varun: " Let's see what happens in the future, I still don't know whether I will get someone or not!"

Alizeh: "One day it will happen. Whenever it happens, just choose someone who would not get jealous of your bestie because girls have a habit of getting jealous!"

Varun: "Oh achha! Then I am not searching for anyone"

Alizeh: "Are you a complete idiot! Don't do that, I'll never want that, it's okay that you don't search for anyone, but if anyone finds you, then take your decision wisely and also I am here for advice"

Varun: "Yes I know, thanks!"

Alizeh: "Me is so smart na! Is it weird that I am smiling now without any reason?"

Varun: "Why? I am also smiling so it's okay!"

Alizeh: "Because it feels really good talking to you!"

Varun: "Same for me by the way! You just stay like this only forever okay? You don't have to change yourself for anyone, You are really good this way!"

Alizeh: "Yes, I will never change and you also don't change okay?"

Varun: "I will change completely"

Alizeh: "No baba, please don't! I would never want that, I am requesting you please!"

Varun: "My transformation will only happen when my heart will break when I became like Rahul!"

Alizeh: "It will not happen, I was not there that time but I am here now, I will not let it happen!"

Varun: "And it will be worse than Rahul because it is not always na that you want something and you get that"

Alizeh: "Are... why are you talking like this? How are you so sure ki you won't get that? But maybe you might get that thing"

Varun: "Who knows, I will consider myself very lucky if I get that, but mostly I don't ever get what I want"

Alizeh: "Maybe you will be lucky at that time and you get it"

Varun: "Let's hope and just see what happens!"

And then we generally talked about relationships and stuff and both of us told each other about our past relationships( although I had a single relationship only, though I don't even consider it a relationship as we only talked to each other for I think a week in a 2-month relationship. I was a kid back then, nothing lasted at that time and I got busy in studies.) and our conversation continued -

Alizeh: "Do you like someone now? Just don't hide it from me, I am telling you beforehand that if I got to know about it later then I will hit you with a slipper, and even if you like someone we both will handle her together! If there is anything na Varun you'll tell, I mean anything because I tell you about each and everything no matter how small it is!"

Varun: " No, I don't like anyone and I will first and foremost tell you yaar if I like someone, even if it's you, so don't worry, I will never hide anything from you!"

Alizeh: "Yes thanks and I will also tell you if anything happens! And firstly you will me tell about that girl, no matter whoever that girl is we will handle her"

Varun: "Now you are good na?"

Alizeh: "Yes, I am and by the way Kabir messaged me and we both talked to each other, I forgot to tell you about it"

Alizeh: " And you know, we are talking to each other for almost 3 hours"

Varun: "I was about to say the same thing, but don't you think we are talking quite a lot with each other from the past few days?"

Alizeh: "I don't know about that, but it feels really good talking to you and it has become a sort of habit or routine I guess!"

Varun: "You got a habit of talking to me, so soon?"

Alizeh: "Yes, like a lot"

Alizeh: "Do you know, whenever we talk about me you become very positive and whenever we talk about you, you become so much negative. What should I do about you?"

Varun: "Nothing just let all the things be the same!"

Our conversation ended and I went eat some snacks with my friends, but then I got to know about mine and Alizeh's COA's(Computer Organisation and Architecture, one of our subject that semester) marks, they were not that good actually. I told about the same to her and she became quite disappointed after that. I just gave her support and motivation and tried to lift her morale, just as any good friend will try to do. Then she asked me "Are you okay?" and I told her "Yes, I am because I am not thinking about it too much".She then asks me "Do you feel like talking to me?" And I said "I always feel like talking to you, but I am still with my friends and whenever I will get free, I will talk to you" and she said "Okay, just don't stay alone" and I asked her to do the same.

However much I wanted to talk to her it didn't matter because I thought it would be better for both of us to stay a little distant from each other for a while. Also as she was upset, I thought it would be better if Kabir would support and handle her and that's the reason I asked her to not stay alone.

At that time, I got messages from Ishani in which she told me about her problems with Alizeh and I wondered "How the hell people got so much comfortable with me, that they started sharing their problems with me?". I read all her messages and I told her that I will talk to Alizeh about it, and promised her that she will come to you to sort it out, Although I wanted to tell her "How can you think about Alizeh like this!", no matter how angry I was, I didn't say anything because Alizeh asked me not to say her anything. So I just told her don't worry I will talk to Alizeh.

Then I texted Alizeh saying

"I want to meet you after dinner" and she said, "Done. Are you okay na? I am worried". I told her "Yes, I am, it is about Ishani" and she asked me to call her after dinner. I called her after dinner and we met, she asked Kabir to go to the room, as I wanted to talk to her and I wouldn't want anyone else to listen to our conversation, but in reality, it was not like this, I even asked Kabir to "Accompany us while we talked and it was not a problem for me if you sat there with us".

All three of us sat on the bench near G2 and I started telling her and Kabir about what Ishani said. Both of them heard me very carefully, but then as I stopped speaking Alizeh started telling both of us about what all things made her feel upset about Ishani and not only that about other people also. I think she kept on piling up all those things and that day was her limit maybe which ultimately led to her breaking down in front of both of us. She literally started crying, and I absolutely couldn't do anything about it. I felt really bad and guilty that because of me she started to cry and got upset. Seeing her that way I was really shattered, I literally got goosebumps, and even my eyes got numb. Still thinking about that day and writing about it makes me so emotional that my hands are still shivering writing about it. Seeing her that way and even imagining it makes me really sad because I would never want to see her that way, even if I have to suffer in my life. I would literally do anything to let her stay happy. But, that day it was quite emotional, maybe her breaking down was a good thing especially in front of people who she knew could handle her. Maybe she needed a hug so I gave Kabir a

sign that I am leaving and so that he could just handle her and give her comfort because she may need that comfort and hug which only Kabir could give her so I left and went.

But something shocking happened, she called me and asked me "Where are you? Can you come here?" And I said, "Okay, I am coming!".When I reached there, Kabir was nowhere to be found and I asked her "Where did he go, he was supposed to sit here with you?", she told me that "I sent him to wear a jacket and come, as it is chilled out here". I asked her "Are you okay now?", she said not really and then her eyes became numb again, and again tears started to slip from her eyes. I could not see her that way, I wanted to hug her, hold her hand and tell her that everything will be alright but neither it was right for me to do that, nor I had the strength to do it, so I did the least that I could do. I wiped her tears, although I had to touch her face, I think I had to put together all the strength I had to do it and I did that, maybe it was necessary and that was my way of showing care for her and she knew that. After that, all my friends came and the tension in the atmosphere was just gone. All of them helped me to make her smile and laugh. I would really want to thank all of them for doing that, they made her smile and Alizeh was full of life again. That not only brought a smile on her face but on mine too because seeing her this way was all I wanted and seeing all of this happen, made me overwhelmed. After that, we all sat down for a little and all of us chatted and joked around, then we all went to our rooms.

As soon as I reached my room, messages started popping up again -

Alizeh: "Listen, thanks! And don't think about it too much, just at least don't feel guilty thinking that all this happened because of you, otherwise, I will feel sad."

Varun: "I genuinely got sad, seeing you crying!"

Alizeh: " I know! It could make it out from your face"

Varun: "That time I wanted to hold your hands and hug you, but I couldn't do it!"

Alizeh: "When you wiped my tears na, it really felt good! And You should have done that, why didn't you do it?"

Varun: "I don't know why, but I couldn't!"

Alizeh: "No problem yaar, I understand this but I wanted that!"

Varun: "Yes I know, but sorry I just couldn't do it!"

Alizeh: " I know that you knew about it, shhh na idiot I understand it and don't say sorry you donkey! You were there na with me, that's more than enough for me."

Varun: "But no problem yaar, Kabir gave you that much-needed hug."

Alizeh: "You two are different for me, you know that na? And you are very important for me Varun and next time with all your strength give that hug to me!".

Varun: "Yes, I know that and same!'

Alizeh: "Just always remember that you two are different for me, okay?"

Varun: "Today also I don't know how I got that strength to touch your face and wipe your tears?"

Alizeh: "It's fine babba! And it was really good you did that, it made me feel really good."

Alizeh: "And I also today couldn't gather strength to do it, I don't know why?"

Varun: "To do what?"

Alizeh: " To hug or hold hands!"

Varun: "No worries, you were busy with your own emotions"

Alizeh: "Yes I know, but really yaar, thanks for being there with me!"

Varun: "Welcome, but if I was crying you would have been there with me na, so no problem. I am not able to show it but I care about you, I hope you know that."

Alizeh: "Yes, obviously I would have been there and I would toh have hugged you definitely because I couldn't see you crying and I know that you care about me quite well."

Varun: "I know, thank you! And there is no need for you to cry!"

Alizeh: "Yes I know, and I will not cry now! Should I tell you something, it Is is a little bit stupid?"

Alizeh: "When you told me na, that Ishani has asked you to talk to me and all, I was kind of jealous I don't know why, it is a little stupid but I just wanted to tell you."

Varun: "Don't worry nobody will take away your best friend!"

Alizeh: "Haan good, are you sure na Varun?"

Varun: "100%"

Alizeh: "Then it's okay, I trust you!"

Varun: "I trust you too, and don't worry and never get jealous!"

Alizeh: "Jealousy comes naturally yaar when someone is so important in your life. And yes I will not worry now surely!"

Varun: "You should know that you are awesome, no matter how negative people are, only the people close to you know that you are very good at heart and there is no need for you to get affected by those people. Do you understand this?"

Alizeh: "Yes I understand this. It is because of you and Kabir that I am so happy now, and up until now, you both seem to keep saying that I am good. And I really don't care about anyone else. Today was the first time the breakdown happened. I always try to show it to people na that I am strong, I don't care about anything else, but all of this affects me!"

Varun: "And now just be yourself and there shouldn't be another breakdown for at least a week, and by just seeing you I get to know if you are upset or not, so I know what you are talking about."

Alizeh: "You understand me really really well, only Kabir and Divya(her best friend) understand me this way!"

Varun: "I only try to understand you!"

Alizeh: "You understand me very well, I know na. And tell me one thing if I will not cry in front of you or Kabir then where will I cry? Who will support me?"

Varun: "I will support you always! I just don't want to see you cry"

Alizeh: "You will not, but if you do get to see me like this, just support me!"

Varun: "Obviously!"

Then she sent me a picture of hers in which she was holding a puppy, I don't know why, but it was a bit shocking for me-

Varun: "Whom should I see, you or the puppy?"

Alizeh: "Just see whoever you want to see! Both of them are really cute!"

Varun: "But you are cuter than a puppy!"

Alizeh: "Not more than a puppy!"

Varun: "You are, but the puppy has its own swag!"

Alizeh: "What are you doing now?"

Varun: "Talking to you and seeing the movie?"

Alizeh: "Which movie?"

Varun: "Kabir Singh"

Alizeh: "Yaar, haven't you seen this movie quite a few times and you are seeing it again, do you relate to it so much? do you like this movie so much?"

Varun: "Yes, I do!"

Alizeh: "If there is no plan tomorrow, we both will see it together it will be fun!"

Varun: "Okay we will, you like this movie na, maybe not that much but you like it na, see I understand you so much! I don't know how, but our bond is like this."

Alizeh: "Very well yaar! Yes, it is, otherwise, people don't get this close to each other in a short time. I think about it quite a lot, we both are quite similar to each and it is all a very Perfect bond!"

Varun: "But it does not take much time to turn from perfect to imperfect!"

Alizeh: "Hey idiot, you listen to me okay? You be negative whenever you want to be but if you'll get negative about us na I'll hit you with shoes. Whenever this will change we will handle it together, and now everything is so perfect and cute so let's just stay happy na?"

Varun: "Okay! Is it for real that both of us have grown very close to each other in past one week?"

Alizeh: "Yes I know, I observed it too and this feeling is really good. Today I told you na that I don't feel like talking to anyone when I become angry because everyone is like this, but still whenever this happens, talking to you makes me feel good!"

Varun: "If it made you feel really good then I also feel amazing!"

Alizeh: "Thanks yaar this means a lot to me."

Then we both joked around for a little bit and she asked about my favorite scene in the movie and I told her about it. She then asked me regarding that scene-

Alizeh: "How can somebody love someone so much?"

Varun: "This happens, and whenever it will happen you will get to know!"

Alizeh: "I don't know whether it will happen to me or not, or maybe it does. Do you really loved that girl so much?"

Varun: "No it didn't, it was just an infatuation, and love is yet to happen in my life."

Alizeh: "That feeling is really good na if what has happened with me is love then. Now toh I am not able to understand love somehow. And whatever I am telling you I haven't told about this to anyone yaar, and maybe there are somethings that I will understand over time about if it's love or not?'

Varun: "Yes you will, at least you are comfortable to share with me!"

Alizeh: "Yes I am very much comfortable. Today you asked me na that if I was single, would I date you? If I also ask the same to you?"

Varun: " I shouldn't say anything, you will judge me."

Alizeh: "I will judge you? Are you mad? Tell me na please, I wanna know!"

Varun: "Yes I will idiot!"

Alizeh: "I know!"

Alizeh: "Should I demand something from you? Whenever you start drinking, you will have your first drink with me, please!"

Varun: "Yes, okay done! Did you realize that we are talking for 3 hours!"

Alizeh: "No I didn't, I just didn't see time only and I could talk for 3 hours more, very easily!"

Alizeh: "I always thought ki you'll always be a reserved guy, I will never be able to talk to you besides work, but now you talk to me so much, it really feels good. After a very long time, I got this type of unburdened relationship in which I know that no extra dramas will be there!"

With that, we both wished each other good night and our conversation ended that night. The next day it was the 9th of November, the day that will go down in the history of my life as the black day. That is the day of confession when my life was about to change upside down and I didn't realize how emotional it could have been for me.

The day starts with both of us talking to each other, in which I was joking around with her a little and literally forcing her to go and take a shower and then go and eat lunch. After lunch, she messaged me to meet her as we both had to discuss about JAVA(one of our subjects that semester) project, so I met her and Kabir. We just sat near G2(Girls block) and all three of us started to discuss the project. But then after some time, while both of them were talking to each other Alizeh snapped at Kabir and she texts me while sitting there only and asks me-

Alizeh: "It's my fault na?"

Varun: "Yes it is"

Alizeh: "I know yaar, I don't know why I keep doing this"

Varun: "Just don't do anything, give him time and space it will all be fine."

Alizeh: "Yes probably, I will get no profit even if I will try!"

Varun: "You will get profit, it only depends on how you try to make him understand!"

Alizeh: "I don't know yaar we can't pass 2 hours in a day without fighting with each other!"

Varun: "Everything will be fine and if you are happy with him then try your best to solve it!"

Alizeh: "I know everything will be fine, but then after 2 hours we'll fight again. Till now I am very happy with him so I'll try my best. I am just feeling angry at myself!"

Varun: "You just try to not snap sometimes. Also just try and stay happy always and everything will get fine after some time and say sorry to him after some time when his mood gets a little bit fine. Just try your best okay?"

Alizeh: "Okay I will!"

Then we just sat there for some time, talked to each other, and then went to our rooms and by then everything has gotten fine between the two of them and we three literally chilled together and enjoyed it very much. I reached my room and her messages came again and we started talking about pictures and all that stuff-

Alizeh: "Yaar we don't have a good picture together"

Varun: "Good friends don't need to always have good pictures, memories are more important than the pictures, and we have a lot of those memories, so don't worry"

Alizeh: "Yes you are right. Till you are with me I am not worrying!"

Varun: "Even if I am not there you shouldn't worry!"

Alizeh: "Shh naa, I know you are here but I don't want to think about when you aren't there anymore!!"

Varun: "Do you know, that you had thought about a future of everything else in your mind but you don't think about the future of our friendship ever?"

Alizeh: "Is it like this? Do you know why I don't think about it? I don't know why, maybe I am so afraid that if things don't go the way I have thought them to be."

Varun: "What things?"

Alizeh: " Shh naa, sometimes things get real if we say them that's why I fear so much"

Varun: "But you have to say them at some point na?"

Alizeh: "But if after saying everything gets complicated and messed up?"

Varun: " That's why to be prepared for anything! And may things will not get messed up because you and I are mature enough to deal with anything in our relationship."

Alizeh: "I am just not prepared to handle only one thing, otherwise I can handle all the things. Are you sure na Varun we will handle everything?"

Varun: "Yes, maybe we will and I am also not prepared for one thing only."

Alizeh: "Okay, it makes me feel that we will be able to handle it and I know you this much toh now."

Varun: "But If that thing comes out from any of our mouths even by mistake we will handle that okay?"

Alizeh: "Yes we will, because if both of us already know that so we will handle it! By the way, you had to go to take a shower?"

Varun: "Yes I will go after some time."

Alizeh: "You just go now okay, in the morning you sent me so now you go okay? And after taking the shower message me."

Varun: "Okay, I am back!"

The moment of truth, my heart is still pounding thinking and writing about it. I have played this conversation in my mind hundreds of times and I wished I would have reacted differently and told her something else, I mean why did I do it, I just can't believe myself. Each day I wake up thinking about what could I have done this differently, so things could have turned out differently and all of those thoughts come and stop at this very moment. I just wished if I had done something different our bond wouldn't have got affected, so I believe this was the FIRST MISTAKE I did.

Alizeh: "Should I ask you something?"

Varun: "Go on ask me!"

Alizeh: "How and when did all this happen?"

Varun: "What how and when happened?"

My heart was pounding rapidly, I knew what was she asking, I thought for a moment that I shouldn't tell her but I have never lied to her so how can I lie to her now. So, I decided to tell her.

Alizeh: "You don't know what I am talking about?"

Varun: "It all started from 2nd Semester, maybe February or January."

Alizeh: "You liked me from 2nd Semester and I only got to know about it now, why didn't you tell me before?"

Varun: "What do you want to know, there was nothing worth knowing about it. It's all about understanding and you understood it, that's more than enough for me and I don't want anything else!"

Alizeh: "Thanks and I also don't want anything else! And listen if I ever hurt you na just tell me okay because I don't want to hurt you even a little bit okay?"

Varun: "Obviously I will tell you, I only want that you stay happy always, no matter whom you are with, nothing else."

Alizeh: "I just want to write something but I can't but maybe you'll understand this and don't make me cry, you idiot!"

Varun: "Okay so don't write, I understand. Let things be just the way they are, who am I to come between anyone's relationship that's why just stay happy and enjoy!"

Alizeh: "Shh naa, and you also stay happy na please, I am with you!"

Varun: "I just hope but I am happy!"

Alizeh: "I am too! And I want that only"

Varun: "I wanted that only!"

Alizeh: "Shall we talk about something else, I am very emotional right now!"

Varun: "I will stay happy until you are with me and that you are! Okay so let's change the topic to"

Alizeh: "Varun you are sensible, like very much"

Varun: "Thanks by the way you just go now and hang out with Kabir!"

We just changed the topic then and started talking about movies and stuff. She then told me about her best friend Divya and how unexpected the relationship was between them and I told her that "I get it.".Then she told me "You get everything I say!" And we texted around with each other for quite some time and talked about general stuff and all that. It was around 7 pm

and I got a call from Reva, she told me all of us are going to college ground just to sit and relax and she asked me to come, I was just a little upset so I agreed as I wanted to just chill and relax for some time and try to forget about what happened that evening. So, I went and all of us just sat there and played Dumb Charades and literally enjoyed it. But Alizeh and I were still texting each other and talking to each other. After playing for some time we were really hungry so we all came back and we all went for dinner.

After dinner, it was somewhat a routine we used to walk around for a little bit. While taking rounds, I saw Alizeh and Kabir sitting outside Dominos, fighting about something in which Kabir had Alizeh's phone in his hand and Alizeh was trying to grab her phone from him but he wasn't giving it to her and then I went away. I just hoped that Kabir doesn't get to see all those messages in which I confessed because it will not only affect the relationship between me and Alizeh but also the relationship between Alizeh and Kabir. After all, whatever she and I said was definitely going to affect all three of our lives and out of the three only one will ultimately suffer, whom Alizeh does not chooses which I knew was going to be me, so I thought it would be best if he does not read those messages.

As a group of 9-10 people including me, Rahul, Reva, Aarush, Akash, Shiv, Piyush, Shanaya, Nikhil, and Sahil. we used to sit at the jogging track and joke around with each other and had fun with each other. That day was no different after completing the rounds, we all went to the jogging track and just sat there, but maybe God does not want that happiness to stay in my life, near to 11 pm (our time to leave), messages started to pop up again. I was sitting with all of them so I decided to see them later, but then the messages didn't stop so I had to look at them, they were all from Alizeh(gasping), in which she told me "I am really sorry Varun, Kabir read all those messages and I couldn't stop him, I don't know what will happen, it will most probably result in a breakup, I don't know what to do I am really sorry that all of this is happening because of me!". For a moment I just gasped there and I became completely numb not knowing what to do and I became emotional so I got up from there and went to Rahul's room while the rest of them had no clue what has just happened, it was like the floor beneath me slipped and I couldn't do anything. I became really helpless and with literally no hope about what will happen now.