Chapter 18

Olivia

I thought about the way Alexander looked at me over dinner and the intensity of his eyes during that elevator ride. My body flushed hot all over again.

"I am throwing Ryan out," I said, trying to keep my voice casual. "Trust me, after what he did, I have zero interest in dwelling on him. And I'll appreciate other handsome men when I'm good and ready."

"Good. Because Ryan was trash and you deserve better."

I heard Jake's voice in the background, followed by Emilia's muffled response.

"Jake says hi," she said, coming back to the phone. "Hey, quick question – is Alexander single or married? I couldn't find much about him online."

I sat up straight. "You searched about him? Why? You want to dump Jake and try your luck with Alexander?"

"Oh, please," Emilia scoffed. "Jake is good. Why would I dump him? I'm just asking for general knowledge. The man's a mystery. Most CEOs have their whole life story plastered all over the internet, but there's hardly anything about his personal life."

I bit my lip, thinking about Alexander's marriage proposal. If I told Emilia about it, she'd either think I was crazy or tell me to accept the proposal.

"I don't know much," I said carefully. "Maybe single?"

"Ooh, so he might be available then," Emilia said, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper.

"Maybe he's already committed. Why do you ask? Are you thinking about trying your luck with him?"

"No! God, no. I'm very happy with Jake, thank you very much." I heard rustling on her end of the line. "I'm just curious. How old do you think he is?"

"Maybe early thirties? I saw something online once." I bit my lip, remembering how Alexander looked tonight, how his shirt stretched across his broad shoulders, and the definition in his forearms when he'd rolled up his sleeves. He certainly didn't look like a man in his thirties, more like late twenties. Either he had amazing genes or a very expensive skincare routine.

"Early thirties, huh?" Emilia's voice took on a teasing tone. "That means he's probably very experienced."

"In what?" I asked, though I immediately regretted it.

"In sex, Liv! Making love, fucking, whatever you want to call it." Emilia laughed. "Men in their thirties know what they're doing in bed. They've had time to practice."

"Jesus, Em!" I hissed, glancing around my empty apartment as if someone might overhear. "Can you not?"

"What? It's true!" Emilia insisted.

I flopped back onto my pillow with a groan. "Can we please not discuss my boss's sexual prowess? I don't need those images in my head right now."

"Fine, fine. But I'm just saying, after what Ryan did—"

"I don't want to talk about that either," I cut in, my voice sharper than intended.

"Sorry," Emilia said, immediately softening. "Too soon."

I sighed, staring up at the water stain on my ceiling that vaguely resembled Australia. "It's not just that it's too soon. I just don't understand why we need to talk about sex at all."

"Because sex is fun to talk about? Because my best friend just got cheated on and needs reminding that there are better men out there?"

"I don't need reminding that Ryan is trash," I said, rolling onto my side. "Trust me, that image of him and Sophia is permanently seared into my brain."

"God, what an asshole," Emilia muttered. "He couldn't even satisfy you properly but needed other girls to get his rocks off."

I sat up straight, suddenly angry. "What do you mean he couldn't satisfy me?"

"Oh, come on, Liv. You think I didn't notice how you'd change the subject whenever I asked about your sex life? You never seemed excited about it. Not like when you dated Miguel in college."

My cheeks burned. "That's not—I mean—it wasn't terrible."

"'Wasn't terrible' is a pretty low bar, sweetie."

I pulled my knees up to my chest, phone pressed to my ear. "I just don't get it, Em. I don't understand these people who cheat. Why does someone need another person when they're already committed? Why wasn't I enough?"

"It's not about you being enough," Emilia said firmly. "Some people are just selfish assholes. Ryan clearly has issues. Maybe he's insecure, maybe he's addicted to the thrill of sneaking around, or maybe he's just a garden-variety douchebag who thinks with his dick."

"But it's not just him," I argued. "It happens all the time. People cheat, they lie, they sneak around behind their partners' backs. What's wrong with people? Why commit to someone if you're just going to betray them?"

"From what I've seen," Emilia said thoughtfully, "it's usually about something missing inside them, not their partner. My psych professor in college talked about this. Some people cheat because they need constant validation, others because they're afraid of real intimacy, so they sabotage relationships before they get too deep."

"That's so fucked up," I whispered.

"Humans are fucked up, Liv. We're all walking around with our own baggage and issues. Some people just handle it worse than others."

I heard Jake's voice in the background again.

"Jake says some guys are just entitled pricks who think they deserve whatever they want," Emilia relayed. "He says Ryan was always kind of a douche at the gym, hogging equipment and hitting on the trainers."

"Great, so everyone knew my boyfriend was a jerk except me?" I asked, feeling a fresh wave of humiliation.

"Not everyone," Emilia backpedaled. "Jake just had a feeling. You know how guys can sense that stuff about other guys sometimes."

I snorted. "Right, the magical douche-radar that only men possess."

"Hey, I'm just the messenger," Emilia laughed. "But seriously, Liv, this isn't on you. Ryan made his choices, and they reflect on him, not you."

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "I know. Logically, I know that. But it still feels like shit."

"Of course it does. Being betrayed by someone you trusted is one of the worst feelings in the world. But you're going to get through this, and you're going to find someone who deserves you."

"Maybe I don't want to find anyone," I said, surprising myself with the admission. "Maybe I want to focus on my career for a while."