The shock I experienced was not seen on my face. It felt like a bucket of cold water was poured on my bare back. My brain was going on an overdrive and yet my body felt numb. I finally understood that you can be alive and still be dead. My life was taken away from me and a sham of a new one was handed to me. They erased me from the surface of the earth and left me with absolutely no one to pour out my emotions to. That was the worse part of this dilemma, I had absolutely no one to talk to. I had to find some trustworthy people that I can talk to or maybe they did give me a companion and all I needed to do was find her. I immediately put my mind towards finding this person.
I didn't really have enough time to collect ponder on where they must have kept this person or to even hear myself think or process my feelings because Becky's parents were always walking into my room to see if I am still breathing. I couldn't blame them though. I remembered when my mother died, I wished earnestly for her to come back to live and if she did, I was sure that I won't even leave her side.
I couldn't call them my parents yet to myself and I don't think I will ever be able to do that. I mean,how is it possible to address someone who has never had any impact on your life as mom? The singular thought of it was strange to me.
I starting thinking about my mother again and I could feel myself drifting into a bad place, but before that could happen, Becky's father spoke up and I was so grateful for the distraction it offered.
"How are you doing darling?" He walked close to my bedside and place his hand on mine. I slowly moved my hand from his. I looked up to see that my action did really hurt him yet I couldn't help myself. I just didn't want to be close to them at that point.
I couldn't even talk, I just looked at him. I honestly believed that if I opened my mouth to talk,I would start crying. I wanted to be alone for a few minutes to arrange my thoughts and it was like God heard my desperate pled and sent the doctor in at that moment.
He walked into the room,scanned the environment and signed. Then he said, "No no no,you guys can't all be in here at the same time. I told you, only one guest is permitted to be in here with her at a time. She might get overwhelmed and slip into a coma if she is surrounded by so many people. Now please leave,I need to run some tests on her."
I was grateful that he did that. Becky's father assured me that he was just outside in case I needed anything. I nodded at him and he left. I don't think I've ever said anything to him. All I do is nod and wait for him to leave. I knew it was wrong and I made a mental note to myself to work on my emotions so that I could eventually start talking to him.
The doctor,who I later found his name out to be Llyod, started running some tests on me. I just took the opportunity to wander into my mind and start analysing the situation I have found myself in.
I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that my father killed me. And now that I have had some time to really think about what happened,he didn't kill me. He only pushed me to my death. If he hadn't come in to rape me,then I would have still been in my room and that car would not have knocked me out. I wondered how he was faring. I really hope the police didn't take him in for murder. He was a terrible man but he doesn't deserve the trauma of going to jail. After all,we are just humans and we all make mistakes at some point of our life. I was proud of myself for feeling this way, it showed that I was halfway to forgiving him.
The pain I felt when my mother pushed me is something I am still trying to come out of. Why would she allow something like this happened to me? Why didn't she just allow me die and go to wherever I was supposed to go to and spend eternity? But she said that they were higher powers,I wonder who she was talking about when she said that. Maybe it was God or maybe it was the angels. But whoever it was, I was prepared to give them a piece of my mind when I get to Heaven.
I had to get over that and start thinking of what to do now. I remember her saying that they will be sending me back in time. I will be totally honest and say that I believed that she was just pulling my legs at first,but when Jeff told me the century that I was in,I knew that she spoke the truth.
Now all I have to do is think of a way to get out of this mess. I started thinking of the things she told me when Dr. Llyod disrupted my thoughts and started telling me about my results.
"Becky,you are doing remarkably well. Your blood pressure is okay. Your sugar level is normal and your vitals are good too. I must say at this pace,you may be discharged soon."
I rejoiced at the last statement he uttered because if I am discharged it means no more disgusting hospital food. I can finally taste good food. I have been dying for some bacon or ribs. And it also means that I will get to explore the year I have been sent to.
I could already feel the excitement sipping out of me with just the thought of being able to walk the streets of New Orleans while soaking in the rays of the sunlight. My entire body was lit on fire with the excitement and I couldn't just wait for my freedom.
The doctor left the room and I was left alone in an empty room with only my thoughts to keep me company.
I believe a calamity is going to befall this land and I have been chosen to help them survive it. I couldn't think of how exactly I am going to do that because Becky's father stepped in again.
I was unable to hide my anger at them always being in my face that I screamed out. "Gosh,can I not be left alone for few minutes? I know I rose from the dead and that is quite unlikely an event to occur but come on, give me some space. I am not going to die again,Dr. Llyod already said that so can you please stop coming in here all the time?"
Dad was surprised that I spoke in that manner to him and now that I think about it, everyone in the family is always surprised whenever I voice out my feelings. It made me wonder if Rebecca was the type to not talk when she wanted to or even stand up for herself.
This is just insane,they send me back in time into a body of a girl I barely know and now I am supposed to act like her? How am I to do that when I don't even know anything about her? I thought to myself. The entire situation was really getting me frustrated.
Dad finally found his voice after having stood there for a good number of minutes. "I am sorry darling,it's just that I didn't want you to feel alone. And your brothers have already left so I thought it will be best for me to come keep you company"
"I do not need company. I just want to be left alone."
"Well, I am sorry about that. Maybe I should just tell Amanda to go then."
At the mention of another girl's name, I became intrigued to know more. Maybe she is the one that was kept to be my companion. "Amanda,who is that?"
He smiled "She is your best friend. You have been friends with her since you learnt how to walk."
At the mention of the word "best friend",I knew I had to see this girl. Maybe she could give me some pointers on how to behave more like Becky. And I guess it will be better to learn about my family from her since I could not stand my brothers.
"Okay,let her in. But only her."
Dad smiled,nodded his head and left to go call Becky's best friend.
Amanda walked in and I immediately liked her. She was a petite looking girl with a lovely blonde hair which was tied up in a scattered bun. The hair falling from the loose bun magnified her lovely facial features. She had almond shaped eyes and it reminded me of my mother. She looked so much like my mother and it was shocking to acknowledge it. I guess the only difference in their features was the bow leg she had that my mother did not.
The bow leg wasn't really noticable but it was there to a deep observer. She looked and dressed like someone who was feisty and her next words confirmed my thoughts.
"Damn girl,you look like you have been run over by a truck." She said it with a bit of laughter and one could tell that she was trying to make a joke.
"I'll leave you two alone." Dad said and left.
"Well your father is still hot." And then she walked towards me. "You know when your mom called my mom to tell her about the miracle,I was just about heading out to shop for a black dress. You know I don't own anything gloomy like that. I actually thought about using your own gown but then it would have been too sad." She kept going on about it.
"So you really can't remember anything huh? Well that makes me happy, at least now you can't remember that you destroyed me at tennis?"
"I play tennis?" I hated sports of any kind and I was hoping Rebecca would as well. After all, her life was already giving me the idea that she is a bit boring.
"Yes, girl. It's like your favorite indoor game. Well that and stalking Adam Cole online." And she grinned.
"And I believe Adam Cole is supposed to be my crush?"
"Crush? Yes. Love of your life? No. Because if he was,you would have definitely remembered him. He is very hot though. Saw him at the mall yesterday when I went to get you a welcome back to life gift. He sends his greeting."
"You got me a gift?"
"Girl, you're not even gonna ask me about how he is fairing?"
"Well,seeing as he is not the one that got run over by a car,killed and then brought back to life. I don't see why I should."
"Good point,you always were smart but not the type to say your mind. So I must say that I really love what this accident did to you." I could tell that I was going to absolutely adore her. She was free and easy to talk to. And she appears to be a girl who loves to have her fun.
"Amanda,my gift."
"Okay,okay calm down already." And then she dipped her hand into her purse and brought out three chocolate pudding.
"I know how much you love chocolate pudding and I also know that this hospital serves the worse meal ever,so I took it upon myself to feed you this afternoon."
"Wow,this is great. Thank you" I unwrapped the pudding and used the spoon Amanda gave me to scoop it. The feeling was Heavenly and I rushed to finish it. I could feel my taste buds that have died from eating hospital food coming back to life. Amanda was already feasting on one of the pudding and only one was left. I rushed to get it out of her hand before she noticed that I needed it and she turned on reflex and the pudding left her hand and landed on the ground.
"Now look at what you have done" she looked at me and pouted as she said.
"Me? You're the one that brought it to me. I should be taking it not you. Now pick it up for me."
"Now pick it up for me" she tried mimicking me. "Gosh,you sound nothing like the Becky I know" and she went down to pick it.
When she got back up,there was something else in her hand. It was my mother's necklace. My heart skipped a beat when I saw it,I thought it was lost forever. My happiness was cut short by the look of pure shock on Amanda's face.
"What is it?" I asked
"How did this get here?"
"Oh,it's my necklace. It must have fallen down when I was about heading to the bathroom." I lied because I couldn't tell her that it was my mother's necklace. Still,she looked surprised. "What is it?"
"Okay two questions. First,when did you get this necklace because I have never seen you wear it before?"
"Not too long ago. I just kept it in my room. Wore it on the day I was going out and the accident happened." I was amazed at myself for how fast I thought of that lie. She still looked surprised.
"Becky stop lying to me. How did you get this necklace?"
"I told you already. What's the matter?"
"This is my mother's necklace."
"What?"
"Yes,she is always wearing it. She said it has been in our family for ages. It is the only one in the world. So I'll ask again,how did you get it?"
I was dumbfounded. "This can't be your mother's necklace."
"Okay,I know you lost your memory and all that so I am going to show you." And she brought out her phone. She showed me different pictures of her mother and in all of those pictures,the necklace was hanging proudly from her mother's neck.
"Well,ain't that about a bitch" I whispered to myself.
On a beautiful Sunday afternoon with the warm summer breeze blowing in and out of the hospital room, I found out that Becky's best friend,Amanda,was my great grandmother. I wasn't angry, I was just shocked. My parents never told me anything about my grandparents. I wasn't even allowed to go visiting during the holidays. We always spent all the holidays together in our rickety old house. I enjoyed spending time with my parents back then because they were lovely and kind to each other and also to me but a part of me still yearn to know who my grandparents were. I knew they weren't dead because I could hear the phone calls mom made with them once in a while. It hurts that whenever I would bring up the topic of meeting them, my parents would get a angry and toss it aside like it means nothing to them. I wondered what God was upto. Was this supposed to be an exciting turn of events for me? At that point, I desperately wanted to get into His mind and know what He was thinkingEven when I co
The unconscious state that we drift into when we sleep is something I have loathed all my life. The complete feeling of helplessness were you cannot control what happens to you,has always been scary to me. You could be killed while you sleep and you wouldn't even know. I was petrified of feeling that helpless. It always amazed me when I see people taking a nap. To me it felt like they didn't care about themselves, they didn't care about their safety. Anything could happen while you sleep and you wouldn't know.I never slept in the afternoon. Because I'll be damned if I allowed myself to sleep more than once in a day, therefore allowing myself to slip into that unconscious state called "dreaming". And the crazy part was that I could always tell when I was dreaming. Bonnie found it werid and maybe she was right. I have never heard of someone who could consciously tell when they were dreaming. She once suggested that I go see a therapist. According to her, 'I was mental'. But I didn't se
The demented house I lived in before Dad killed me was the same house I was looking at. But at the same time, it wasn't the same house. The house felt different. Maybe it was because of the family that lived in it. They loved each other and the house must have eluded the same love that they gave. I did not feel completely restless or pissed at being there. I actually felt at peace, it felt like home and I just wanted to turn around and ask Rebecca's mom how she did it. How did she make a place feel as home to a complete stranger? My mother was great and warm at heart but she never knew how to make the house that I lived in feel as home. The house had an elegance to it. A fashionable look and a welcoming air surrounded it. It was almost like it was calling out to me. The fear I felt in the car about surviving in there totally went with the wind and all I wanted was to experience what it will feel like being inside the house. I had goosebumps.Before we got into the house, I took some
Anger,rage,frustration, anxiety,worry. A thousand words could be used to describe what I was going through but none could pinpoint to how I was really feeling. I was angry at the situation I have been placed in. A lot of "what if's" went running through my mind, the only thing it did was heightened my unsettling emotions and I hated it. At that moment all I wanted was to sleep and never wake up, it upset me the more that I couldn't get what I desperately needed.I hate this family. I hate this doctor. I hate my parents. I hate the fact that I am here. I hate that no one ever listens to me. I hate that I have to go for therapy.Why do they think I need therapy again? Yes, it's because the stupid doctor believes that I have a psychological problem. I mean I know I have one but the singular fact that he proposed the theory of solving it through therapy, made my skin crawl. And my problems are as a result of my mother. How is it possible that someone you love and care for so much would ca
Summer mornings have always been the best when I was with Mom. I remember one morning she had baked cookies and we had our cousins over. Mom believed that I wasn't as close to them as possible and maybe she was correct. In my defense,it wasn't totally my fault. After all, my cousin Raymond was a big jerk. All he ever seemed to talk about was the numerous girls he had been with. And don't even get me started on Uncle Stan, he was a raving alcoholic and he was not even afraid to show it. His wife always thought she did a good job at hiding the fact that she hated her husband's gut, but it was clear as the day is bright to everyone that she did. But regardless of all that, I still loved it when they came over because I got to have enough time to work with my mother in the kitchen preparing all sorts of meal.It was different in the Jail's house. The wasn't any classical music blaring from the background. No drunk male figures at the front lawn barbequing meat. It was just plain. This was
Blue has never been my color but looking at the walls in Ms. Nicole's office,I had to admit that it looked pretty good. I guess she used the blue color because it's has a calming effect on people. Normally when you think of the color blue, you think of natural things like the sky, the ocean and all these things have a calmness towards them. It was a smart decision, I already felt myself calming down and relaxing as I sat in her office. The wallpapers also contributed to this and it also made me think that maybe she was a big lover of nature. There were pictures of polar bears in their natural habitat. Flowers blooming in the morning sun. A little girl holding a flower up to her kneeling mother. All in all,the office was really designed to help sooth any patient that would come in and the classical and country music playing in the background really set the mode for a trip down one's life.I was particularly excited about being in the office and all the thoughts and plans I had made
The morning came with a soft breeze on my skin. My ears were awake before my eyes could open up. I knew this because I was busy enjoying Don Williams songs that was playing in the background. I was happy at the involuntary grin my face decided to put on today. Before,I used to hate waking up. The lights were always too bright. The sounds, too loud. But today, everything felt perfect and I couldn't be happier. With a smile on my face,I opened my eyes to see a dog staring at me. I looked at it for a few seconds, giving my brain enough time to confirm that I was actually staring at a dog. When it did, out of shock, I jumped a little because I was never a big fan of animals. I looked around to see how the dog got in and I was a little bit surprised when I saw James running into my room. He was sweating when he got in and he looked worried. "Hey,Becks have you seen... Oh Robert,there you are!" And he came forward to take the dog. I looked at him and questioned "This is your dog? I didn'
The walk upstairs was a slow one. I kept thinking of what I will say to Amanda. Telling her the truth was not even an option but I felt awful anytime I had to lie to her. It had to be done anyway,if I was to come clean and tell her that I am not really Rebecca,she won't believe me and even if she does,she will definitely hate me for lying to her for the past few weeks.I just couldn't risk it. We got into my room and she closed the door behind us. I felt like I was trapped inside my room's four walls. I couldn't breathe. Amanda must have noticed it because she rushed to my side and offered me some water. I gulped it down in a hurry. When I was done,I gave the bottle back to her. She looked at me worried and asked "You okay Becks? What happened at the therapist must not have been that terrible. Or are you going through this because you haven't taken your drugs yet?"I looked up,"How do you know I haven't taken my drugs yet?""Because,the drugs are right there unopened." And she pointed